Post # 62
@elaina250: I completely understand being disapointed in the choices he made. I myself am getting married in 2 weeks and have never gotten a proposal or a ring! My IF knew how important it was to have him propose but he has yet to do it, as far as a ring, money unfortunatly was an issue for us. So if it makes you feel a little bit better think of me and my non-existant proposal and ring, in the end it’s not what will be important. I am getting married, and hopefully someday he’ll make it up to me. I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful and soon enough you won’t even think about the propoal…and as far as him asking your dad, it’s never too late for that.
Post # 63
@Duncan: But there are many, many, many traditions which, if you take them back to the root, have this same problem. Wearing white, wearing a veil, having a bouquet (well, I think that one is more about the plague/not bathing really), not seeing the bride before the wedding, her father walking her down the aisle, the man proposing etc etc etc.
If you start to cut things down like that then where do you stop?
I 100% understand that some people just don’t like some traditions, and to each their own. But just as there is nothing wrong in NOT liking the tradition, there is nothing wrong in LIKING the tradition (unless you are literally selling your daughter to the groom, in which case, I think that’s illegal :P).
Post # 64
Wearing white started in earnest because Queen Victoria wore a white dress to her wedding. It began as a fashion, and became a tradition.
The boquet was part about the fact that people used to be smelly, and, I honestly suspect, because flowers are pretty so people carried them, then made up something it meant.
Wearing a veil was usurped/adapted from Arab traditions after the Crusades, and the Europeans interpreted it as a symbol of modesty and purity. Yes, it had to do with being bargained for at some point.
But, the bride chooses to wear a veil because she thinks it’s pretty. The bride chooses to wear white because she wants to wear white.
Asking the FOB is not just rooted in a belttling practice, it still actually is one. It hasn’t evolved from such a practice – it actually IS such a practice.
Post # 65
to you, but not to many other people. So don’t be so Insulting.
Post # 66
not for anything but you are coming off kind of like a jerk. Why do ou even care so much? Do what’s right for you and don’t worry so much about what other people want to do and be so condescending about it.
Post # 67
My work colleague saved up for an e-ring and booked a fancy dinner for his proposal. But as soon as he picked up the ring, it started burning a hole in his pocket, he was so excited – so he proposed the second he got home, in the kitchen while she was wearing pyjamas and he was soaked with rain. They still went to the fancy dinner to celebrate. The proposal sucked but it was still kind of sweet because at least he tried!
In comparison, my friend was proposed to while doing chores. They were cleaning the kitchen and chatting about a family wedding, she said “we should get married” and he said “ok will you marry me?” Totally disappointing.
What’s the difference between these two proposals in the kitchen? EFFORT. Guy #1 made an effort but his own excitement got the better of him. Guy #2 didn’t even try. Maybe your disappointment is because you feel your SO didn’t make enough effort? I have to admit I’d feel disrespected and unloved if my SO didn’t make at least a little bit of effort with something so important as proposing.
ETA: My friend actually said no when her SO proposed in his bathrobe while they were watching tv one morning. She told him to brush his teeth, get dressed and buy a ring, then ask her properly…
Post # 68
Gotta love a man coming on here and telling a bunch of women that what they want is wrong 🙂 Listen buddy, I am a 34 year old woman with a masters degree who has been supporting myself since I was 19, my dad died when I was 21, and it was still very important to me that my fiance talk to my mom before proposing to me. It’s about respect, and asking my mom if she approves of him joining the family, not if he has her permission to marry me.
Post # 69
@elaina250: Wow I honestly had such a similar experience to you!!!! I got proposed to last summer in my home while I was on my couch. I was napping on a Sunday afternoon and he woke me up with our song playing and just got down on a knee near the couch. I was ecstatic to be engaged but soon after I became kind of upset that I didn’t get a special/planned/romantic proposal. I felt kind of annoyed that he didn’t put a lot of thought in to it and that I didn’t have the most exciting story to share with others.
The thing is it really was one of the best moments of my entire life. DH had tears in his eyes (as did I) and said some really sweet things (I can’t remember much but one was “I always knew I wanted to spend my life with you” for example). He also shared with me that he brought home ring the day before and it was burning a hole in his pocket. He was anxious that he had this around and he did not want me to find it or anyone to let it slip before he got the chance to propose. He is actually one of the most creative people I know so it upset me cause I know what he is capable of. He also used to joke about like “Imagine if I proposed by… (and give crazy examples like making singers make a youtube thing dedicated to our proposal) so I really expected something cool. The truth is he just got so excited/anxious when he had the ring in his possession and now looking back I get it.
The proposal was really us and beautiful and I love it because it was such a special moment between us. It is still a bit difficult for me when I hear of the over the top hollywood proposals but I realize that is the very reason I was not pleased with mine… It is hollywood and the wedding industry that put this insane pressure on us and our significant others to live up to this unrealistic fairytale standard. Just try to think of the moment for what it was and not how it compares to others over the top proposal stories or the expectations you had originally. I know it is hard and I definitely am not FULLY over it but I have come a long way and you will too.
Post # 70
I guess I see it as a sign of respect for my father, then again my dad is my hero/best friend.. So his blessing means the world to me.
Post # 71
I hate to say suck it up, but suck it up. Who cares? He’s asking you to be the woman he spends the rest of his life with, from now until the day one of you stops existing. Perhaps he wasn’t romantic enough in the presentation but that gesture ought to be enough.
I got a beautiful ring and a wonderful proposal, but I really would have been happy with a ring pop and being asked at a Wendy’s. I think asking someone to spend the rest of your life is incredibly romantic all on its own.
So suck it up. You have the rest of your lives together. Just like your wedding is just a day and you need to focus on your marriage, your proposal was just a moment in what is hopefully a long timeline together.
For levity, my parents proposal in a nutshell:
Mom: If you don’t marry me, I’m going to leave you.
Dad: Ok. Will you marry me?
They celebrate their 38th anniversary this year.
Post # 72
+1 on all points.
I had an awesome proposal – but honestly, even I’m not sitting here months later going on about how great it was. Rather, I’m excited to marry this amazing man I’ve fallen in love with and our future together. The proposal is only one blip in our story. 🙂
Post # 73
@elaina250: I’m a very independant person and am not at all traditional, however I thought it was very sweet and actually quite a big deal when my Fiance talked to my Dad about proposing to me. He didn’t ask him, he let him know that he was proposing the following day and hoped my Dad was happy. It made my Dad feel important & he was over the moon and loved having that little secret all to himself. I feel it was the start of a bond and a friendship and in heindsight was very important to me.
I totally understand why you would want something like this and I think it’s mean for people to say it’s not important. It’s important to you and that is all that matters.
Post # 74
@elaina250: Our proposal wasn’t very elaborate. We were at my cottage, heading out to the dock. I went to grab my sunglasses and chapstick and he cornered me in my bedroom (the lights were off & he couldn’t figure out how to turn on the complicated light switch because he was so nervous) and just asked me right there! I was initially disappointed that it wasn’t some elaborate proposal that he spent months brainstorming about (although he did ask for my dad’s blessing, which made me feel a bit better), but I actually find that our proposal is kind of funny now and we often laugh about it! I’m just glad he didn’t propose the way 1000 other guys proposed; our proposal is entirely unique. I think it’s great to find some humor or something positive in your proposal story — the show you were watching must have been really romantic to spark a proposal
Post # 75
Yes, I too was engaged at one point. I am serious though – NO ONE ever asked me how it happened. I guess they just assumed that he asked and I said yes.
Post # 76
No, that sounds like incomplete emotional individuation. And yes, a man couldn’t possibly have a valid opinion on it – imagine what you’d think or say if such a statement were reversed. Double standard? I think so.
That part of the original post wasn’t about what other people want to do, it was about what one person wanted and expected someone else to do, without any consideration of what the second person might feel.
I’m done on the topic, as this is turning into a hijacked thread.