(Closed) I Didn't Like My Proposal. Anyone Else Feel The Same?

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 77
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

Turn it into a funny story. Find humour in it. If you’re happy in your marriage then that’s what matters!

My mom hated her proposal AND ring. We still make fun of my dad to this day… but you know what? They’ve been married for 33 years and are still SO in love and SO happy. 

My dad got his PARENTS to buy the ring, they were gone all day and ended up being really late. It was my mom’s birthday and my dad was pacing all night around the apartment. My mom eventually went to sleep. My dad WOKE her up to propose with the UGLY ring my grandparents had purchased. 

She doesn’t wear the ring, for many years she wore her grandmothers ring and for their 25th anniversary he got her a nicer ring (which honestly, was probably about $100). 

But that’s my dad.. he’s not romantic, but what is romantic is that he is head over heels in love with my mom. His love language is time spent together, and he will do anything and everything to plan time for them together.

Just find the perspective in who you are together. What’s your husband’s love language? It obviously isn’t in gifts!

Post # 78
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I didnt really like the proposal much but I am ok with it, at least he asked. He bought a ring that he liked and I am not too fond of it. Even though I printed bunch of pictures of rings that I loved (inexpensive) and left it laying around the house a lot. He spent 3 times more than I wanted and bought something I don’t like that much. It’s not ugly, just not my style.

The proposal. Sigh. It was on my 29th birthday. I got up and I was sitting at my desk, drinking coffee, didnt even get dressed or anything yet. He sends my oldest daughter (from previous marriage) to me with the ring. He stands at the door. My daughter comes to me,gives me the ring and says: Happy birthday mommy. Will you marry Aaron?

And it was so sweet the way she said it really cute. I did like he included her in it but at the same time I kinda wished it happened at dinner or something. And not on my birthday.

Post # 79
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Am I the only one who never asked anyone (and never cared to) how they got engaged? Who are all these people asking?

 

Post # 80
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@elaina250:  My proposal was nothing spectacular or romantic either. But I know that my Fiance did it the way he was comfortable doing it. He isnt the worlds most romantic guy and I am okay with that. I think its your story and appreciate it for what it is.

Post # 81
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I completey understand how the OP feels.

I’ve missed out on many important moments in my life. I never had my prom, my proposal was awful, my wedding sucked and my wedding night was terrible. I feel so cheated and I wonder what I did to miss out on the romantic and special experiences that I see other women getting. I wonder if our marriage is cursed because NOT ONE ASPECT of the experience was happy.

My husband took me out for dinner and then we went to a nearby lake to watch fireworks. He brought out some bubbly he had hidden in the car and slipped on the ring while I was looking at the sky. My husband looked into my eyes and said….”You wanna marry me or what?” Yell I was speechless and then burst into tears. I threw the ring at my husband and told him to fuck off. He proposed to me again that night but the moment was already ruined. My husband told me that he was just very nervous. He also had to buy a new ring because the one he bought was defective. Nice huh?

My husband asked my father for my hand because my parents are old world sexists. They would not acknowledge our engagement until my husband came to them personally. I resented being treated like chattel and I didn’t want to be walked down the aisle and “given to my husband”. My parents have always had special rules for me because I am the only daughter. I am viewed as “rebellious” because I am very independent.

The good thing is my husband feels very guilty for ruining the proposal and our wedding night. He is footing the bill for a vow renewal, since our wedding was sadly tiny because it was all we could afford. My husband is also a very romantic spouse. He really wants to make things up to me and that warms my heart.

OP, maybe your fiance can find a way to make up the proposal to you. Don’t feel bad if it was an important moment that you were disappointed by.

 

Post # 82
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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@oneofthesethings:  I guess different circles focus on different things. In my life, this is a big question that just cannot be avoided. 

Post # 83
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@elaina250:  I was in your shoes. I posted a very similar thread too. I got a lot of super snarky comments that made me feel worse. Try to look past those. Some bees had less than spectacular proposals and act all happy about it to cover the hurt and act better than you, others have no idea how you feel and therefore have no reason to judge.. at all! Actually, no one should judge anyone. Ever. I think our society incapable of such of thing.

 

Anyways, having said that, it does sting, a lot. I still get jealous hearing how my friends got engaged and how excited they are to tell the story. Fiance and I have been engaged for nearly two years also. The good this is this: the closer I’ve been getting to the wedding, the less I care! I may not ever have the perfect proposal like some ladies, but I can try to have a wedding that fills my dreams. Plus I just keep reminding myself, Fiance is awesome, Fiance is awesome, Fiance is awesome. It helps. Sometimes. lol

 

This is so long-winded. My point is. It stings. Yes. Keep your head up. Eventually it stings a little less. I’ll let you know if it ever heals.

Post # 84
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Duncan:  Actually, asking the FOB/parents for their blessing IS a choice (for most women in western society). This was demonstrated by the OP’s Fiance, he CHOSE not to despite the OP CHOOSING to ask him to do it. 

It’s most certainly still an opt-in tradition just like the many cited.

For the record, I myself said that flowers were used to cover the smell, just in case you missed that part. But we’ve obviously chosen to keep that tradition for different reasons. Same goes with asking for a blessing. Again, some people choose not to have it and that’s totally fine. But those who like it should also be allowed to like it without comment. 

Traditions tend to take on new meaning for those who practice them. Just like a novel belongs to the reader, not the author, traditions belong to their “practicers” and not the original purpose. 

 

Post # 85
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@LilLis:  This exactly. DH and I decided to get married while we were vacationing in St Lucia, Sandals resort. We already knew we were getting married, just hadn’t done it yet. I picked out my own ring right in their jewelry shop, and 3 days later we were married. DH proposal? In our hotel room right after getting the rings lol no surprise there!!

Post # 86
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I completely sympathize with you! My proposal was also bleh. There was so many perfect moments that I thought would be “IT” but he never did. He told me later he was nervous and just randomly picked a time. It went like this: He was lying in bed watching tv. I came to bed and was half way undressed when I noticed an open ring box on the bed next to him. I asked, “What is that?!”, and he replied, “So, do you wanna?”….That was it!! So I asked him, “Aren’t you supposed to get down on one knee or something?”. He replied “Nah…” and I had to MAKE him put the ring on my finger!! Yeesh! And to top it off, he then rolled over and went to sleep leaving me wide awake and staring at my ring! WTF?! 

I later told him that I was kinda disapointed with the propsal. However, he did make it up to me as we had to call the wedding off (see some of my other posts), and then he re-proposed to me on one knee on Parliment Hill. I could tell it hurt him when I said I was disapointed, but I also explained that the lack-luster proposal hurt me. We worked through it though. I am also looking forward to planning the wedding to make our day as romantic as I want it. I have learned that I am the one who has to make things intimate and prompt him (“C’mon, lets do >insert activity<, it’s romantic!”).

I hope this helps you in some way. Just know that you are NOT alone. And it does hurt. But I am sure he didn’t mean to hurt you. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. But don’t be afraid to voice that you were hurt – just make sure you aren’t accusatory in any way. In fact, skip that. Why don’t you take him out and do the things you would have liked and then explain that now it’s your turn to propose to him because you love him so much? Then ask him to marry you! Then he might understand how special romance can make him feel and hopefully he will learn to reciprocate down the road…??

 

Post # 87
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh man… well.. honestly the proposal I got was not at all what I would have expected.  And I don’t mean that in a good way.  

My fiance planned to take me on a Fall getaway in Wisconsin and propose then, but he “couldn’t wait,” so he sorta just surprised me with it at home on a random, regular night.  He didn’t say anything about how he felt or what it means to him or about me or anything, he just like GAVE it to me.  I honestly thought he was messing with me or something because I had never imagined a proposal just being someone giving you a ring in a paper bag and not saying anything!?!??  Lol!  

Sometimes I think “maybe I’ve watched too many movies and too much ‘Bachelorette’ shows etc..?”  But I would have liked him to think about his feelings, summarize them and say something meaningful to me at such an important moment.  

The weird thing is that usually he’s soooooooooooo open and so blunt and honest about EVERYTHING that of all times when it would have been great to get the whole ‘speech’ he had nothing!  

BUT…. after giving it thought and after discussing it I’m okay with it.  Other than that our relationship is great and we’re definitely a great match/pair (other than your typical marital-type scuffles sometimes).  

So yes, when people ask me for the story, it’s not fun.  haha  I do try to give it a great spin, but there’s not much to work with.. he shoved a ring at me and that was it!  lol  😛  oh well, ya can’t win ’em all right, plus who can complain when their long-term boyfriend finally decides to pop the question.. [sigh!!!!!!!!!!]

But honestly, it’s really just between the two of us how he DID IT, and he can feel free at any time to do something special/romantic, it doesn’t have to be “at the moment of proposal.”  And hey if I want him to do something special/romantic, then why don’t I lead by example and try a little something myself, ya know?  

Bottom line – sometimes guys are pretty darn clueless, but as long as the important stuff is there..??  I’m sure it varies very widely from guy to guy depending on personality and upbringing too.  This ain’t the movies, huh??  🙂

Post # 88
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@RedSergeSpouse:  omgosh I love that idea in your final paragraph <3 !!!!!  Heck yeah!!!

Post # 89
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

WHile i understand that it’s a little disappointing if you were expecting something great… the bottom line is you should have proposed to him if you had something better in mind! (also, you’re marrying someone you love, so it’s a good thing)

Post # 90
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@elaina250:  Girl, my fiance proposed to me naked before he got in the shower! It’s embarrassing, but it’s our story. LOL

Post # 91
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
@faeriehazel:  I had a very similar proposal at home also! Second day living together…Christmas morning, lots of family in town to visit after th proposal. It was perfect for me 🙂

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