Post # 1
I recently beame engaged to an incredible man, whom I love dearly. Prior to the proposal he had called my family to ask their.. well… permission to marry me. They have been incredibly supportive and excited about the engagement, which means a lot to me, since my family is incredibly important to me.
However, the response from my friends has not been so positive. A lot of my male friends have been telling me straight out that I am being “irrational” or somehow irresponsible and even ‘self-destructive’. I am in my last semester at the University and they note that they don’t think I can plan a wedding while finishing. I am not alone in this planning, I have lots of support, but their comments have definitely made me feel very vunerable and even weak.
I really just want to enjoy this and not feel guilty about my choices, which is what I am beginning to feel, almost that I’ve let some of these guys down or something! I am very upset about it. My female friends may have skepticism, but have been nothing but kind and enthusiastic for me.
Just needed to bounce this off everyone.
Post # 3
That is so sweet that he called your family for permission 🙂 I’m pretty old fashioned when it comes to stuff like that. For me, as long as my family is happy, that’s what matters most to me. I feel like family is going to have the best and most honest opinion about a boyfriend than anyone.
However, friends may know him better. When you said that your male friends (in particular) were skeptical of your wedding planning abilities, etc, is there a chance that any of them like you and are possibly jealous that you are going to be taken off the market?
Also, I think it’s pretty irrational and irresponsible to talk to a friend the way they talked to you. It sounds like they are the ones who are weak and want you to feel bad about yourself..a true friend doesn’t do that..ever!!! You are supposed to be at least constructive in your criticisms with friends..otherwise you’ll lose them.
Only you in your heart know if you truly made a good decision by accepting your FI’s proposal. It’s really nobody’s business but your own, since you are the one who is going to be married to him the rest of your life. Friends and family can have their opinions, which may or may not be in your best interest, but ultimately you are going to do what you are going to do, regardless.
I would ask myself whether my friends have my best interest at heart before even considering their opinions. Remember, true friends ALWAYS want what’s best for you, NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hope everything gets better, and congrats on your engagement! 🙂
Post # 4
I found that when I got engaged, or one of my friends got engaged, everyone I knew instantly was reevaluating their own lives and relationships. An engagement is a reminder of sorts of life choices, goals, passage of time, etc. I’m betting your friends may only be reacting to their own inadequacies (read: what they couldn’t handle) and projecting that onto you. Whose to say you cannot handle wedding planning and finish school? You might just find a way to balance it and plan accordingly. Now then, if your friends would use that precious time to support you and help you instead of knocking down your happiness, wouldn’t that be grand? Don’t let ’em getcha down. Just know they are speaking of their own insecurities, forgive them for it, thank them for their concern, and gracefully move on with your chin up.
Post # 4
Oops, double post. Sorry!
Post # 5
Why are they upset? Did you just meet him or something?
Post # 6
I’ve known him for years, dated for about a year. I have been flippant about relationships in the past (not this one, ever), but I feel like I’ve really grown up. This is what I want, I can’t envision anything else, but I’m not sure that they’ve ever felt the same way, so maybe they can’t relate.
Its just frustating feeling so good about things and having bad feedback, puts a bad taste in your mouth.
Post # 7
i had a lot of negative feedback from my guy friends too but there problem was that i would no longer be…avalible…they knew me being in a serious relationship meant they could no longer try to talk me into things. maybe they have the same jealousy type of problems?
Post # 8
@nuva: Then I don’t know.
Post # 9
All that matters is your family supports you because that is who will ALWAYS be there. This should make you feel better: when I told my grandparents I got engaged to the person I had been dating for 6 years (no surprise people), they said they with I had waited and met more people and sent a list of their “issues” with him!
Post # 10
Don’t listen to them. It’s your life, their opinions are irrelevent. Plus, you have your family’s support!
Post # 11
Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you. Not for your friends. It is unfortunate that they aren’t supportive, but luckily you have your family! Sorry to hear that they are being so dumb about the engagement. Maybe as you continue on with planning, they will see how serious you are and will eventually come around. Best of luck to you!