(Closed) I didn't sign up for a sex less relationship :(

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

Many guys have incredibly fragile egos.  It might be that at the first hint that he was not as healthy as you wanted him to be, he took it badly and now feels unattractive.  

Or, you might find that he is having trouble dealing with the injury from work and how it has negatively affected his life.  Do you think your declining sex life is linked to that event?

Any chance he is dealing with depression? I’m sorry you’re going through this! 

Post # 3
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Provide an ultimatum. He doesn’t of course have to have sex with you. That would be rape. But if he wants this relationship to work out, he needs to a) adress that it’s a problem b) check out with a specialist. Perhaps this is not something that he can willingly change and control himself. He can, however, seek help. And that’s where he should start if he cares for you and your relationship. 

Post # 4
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

Some people are asexual but will have sex in the beginning of a relationship because they feel they must — that may be what is going on here. But you need to figure that out. Many people live in sexless relationships, you have to decide if you can give sex up (or if you can have some kind of “agreement”). This isn’t all that uncommon. If everything else is wonderful, then you may want to just accept it.

But … your post also includes a lot of criticism that is at best tangentially related to “Steve”‘s sex drive … so maybe you aren’t having sex anymore because he feels your contempt, especially contempt about his body? Becasue just based on what you wrote contempt is the word that comes to mind. I think this might be the problem, and, at least in my opinion, it is a much bigger problem than asexuality. Number one predictor of divorce? One of the partners showing contempt for the other. 

Post # 5
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

How long have you been with this man? It could be that the relationship has settled a bit and you are starting to see his true sex drive. I think the lack of kissing and affection would bother me even more than the sex. If you’ve told him this bothers you many times, and there’s no change, I think you need to decide if you want your life to look like this 5, 10, 20 years down the line.

Post # 7
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I wouldn’t marry and have kids with someone who cares so little about his health. He’s taking years off his life and deteriorating his quality of life for now! And then the sex on top of that… 4 months?! Id move on and gently let him know why. 

Post # 8
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I definitely feel like it sounds like he has low testosterone! Low T is incredibly common even in younger men, and it can be fixed with the help of a dr! You don’t need to resign yourselves to a sexless relationship… and it’s not his fault. (or yours!)

Post # 9
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I feel like he might be dealing with depression, especially since he doesn’t have motivation to exercise or eat better.

Post # 10
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee

What does he do when you initiate? It might be that you just need to take the lead in this department.

Post # 12
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee

Is it like he can’t physically, or that he isn’t in the mood?

My Darling Husband has has run into some very serious health problems, so serious we began discussing final wishes, what bills would need to be covered with life insurance, etc. Unfortuanetly, my experience was No, if he won’t look after himself for his own well-being, he won’t do it for you. The reality or prospect of facing health problems can be very complicated, and me nagging him and making appointments for him did not help the situation. It only made it worse and caused tension in our relationship.

Is there anything you can do to help him at home, like cooking healthier meals, making his lunches, going for walks together?

Are you sure there isn’t something else going on in your relationship? Is it possible that he might want to break up?

Post # 14
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Was it his back that he injured? I know major back injuries or problems can lead to impotency. Maybe that’s happening and he’s just embarrassed? I’m sorry this is happening bee. Sending you positive thoughts!

Post # 15
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

He needs to see his doctor. Don’t buy his excuse. If he loves you, he WILL check with a specialist. We can speculate all we want, but such libido problems need to be thoroughly examined. Visit to a GP is a good start. 

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