(Closed) I didn’t think I’d have BM drama…

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think you’re out of line, but maybe a phone call will be better an an email? Emails are very easy to ignore. Just tell her you understand she’s busy, but if she wants to be in the wedding, she needs to get a dress and let you know the details of her flight, hotel, etc by a certain deadline. If not, you’ll assume she will be attending as a guest. That puts the onus on her to get her act together and gets the message across without being accusatory or starting a fight. 

Post # 5
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I can totally understand your frustration since it seems like she’s not really responding to your efforts to communicate with her…

One idea might be that she still thinks of the wedding as really far away…As brides, we feel like there’s not enough time to get everything done but her mindset might be that she has more than 4 months, which is plenty of time to get a plane ticket and a dress…

I don’t think this makes her lack of communication and interest in your wedding any easier to take, it just might give you a possibly different perspective? I’ve found that people who are “out of the loop” wedding wise seem to not realize that a lot of this stuff needs to be done well in advance…

Good luck!

Post # 6
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I just wanted to chime in because I TOTALLY feel your frustration. I was the same way, told them to pick any dress in the world as long as it was a hue of purple, pick any shoes you want, and I made professional hair/make-up optional. Basically, they paid whatever they wanted for a dress, shoes, and their hotel rooms (which, actually, my family ended up covering anyway last minute).

One of my BMs e-mailed me a week before saying she couldn’t come because of emotional issues (which I later found out were BS), and while my Maid/Matron of Honor was amazing the whole time, my other Bridesmaid or Best Man was totally disinterested. We didn’t even get a card from her saying, “Hey, congratulations!” or anything. I was hurt, but I got over it.

In your situation, I would honestly send her one more e-mail and leave one more message saying, “hey, I’m really to have to do this, but I need to set a deadline. If I don’t hear from you by [insert date], I’m going to assume you’ve decided to back out of the wedding party, which is fine. I just need to know.” If you don’t hear from her, she’s out. We had to do with with one of our Groomsmen, and it was awful, but once he backed out, it made things so much easier!

Post # 7
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

The person who I had bridesmaid drama with was the LAST friend I expected to totally suck throughout the planning process. I thought there might be drama with one of my other friends (who has been great) but i was totally shocked as everything was unfolding with this particular girl. She is no longer in my wedding which was a mutual decision, and I don’t think I’m inviting her just because I haven’t spoken to her since the decision was made in Januray.

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