(Closed) i didnt think this would hurt so bad…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I personally am really not OK with the strippers in the hotel room situation.  BUT… cut him a little slack in this situation.  First of all, his friends planned this, not him.  And second of all, you told him you were OK with strippers.  Unless you gave him specific things that you were uncomfortable with and then he ignored your requests, you really can’t blame him.  Just let him know how you feel and that you would prefer that he not be in that situation again.  As long as he responds in a supportive and understanding way, try to put it out of your mind and move on.

Post # 4
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Well, the obvious statement to make would be that there’s nothing he can do about it now, but you already know that. I’d advise telling him how you feel, but not making it seem like you’re condemning him for what happened. I’m a little curious as to why he’d tell you all those details…

Post # 6
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You said you were okay with it, and he did come clean and tell you the truth. He didn’t cheat on you in any way shape or form so you need to tell yourself that firmly whenever you start to get upset about it.

I know it’s not great and I’m the first to say up front that I’m not ok with strippers. I have my reasons and I’m up front about it. But if my fiance ended up at a strip club while he was out with the guys, he knows he could be straight with me and I’d be reasonable.

The point is that you’re emotional right now and you’re overreacting a bit. I fully understand why and I’m not judging you in any way shape or form. But your fiance came home and told you the truth about everything without you having to ask. He didn’t cheat on you by looking at a stripper. You’re going to have to find some strength in yourself and let this one go. If you do decide to talk to him about it, do not accuse him of cheating. He didn’t, and that accusation is likely to make this whole thing a much uglier problem.

Post # 7
Member
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I had the exact same reaction when my (then) FH went to a strip club for a friend’s bachelor party…Was totally cool until after the fact, and then literally felt sick to my stomach when he mentioned something about it and flipped out on him!

It sucked but I think it’s good that he was honest with you…I would be hurt too…

Post # 8
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ugh, my Fiance had his bachelor party this weekend and he also had strippers in the hotel room. Granted, he did tell me they were super unattractive and “older”…but still. It kind of give me the creeps. I’m just trying to put it out of my mind!

Post # 9
Hostess
16018 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m sorry this happened. I’d be sick and heartbroken too. I think it’s really great that your guy came clean though. The fact that he didn’t hide it from you means he probably didn’t actually do anything to violate your relationship. Personally, I’m not okay with strippers whatsoever, but it seems the lines were blurred in your situation. It stinks. But now you need to sit down with your Fiance and find a way for both of you to be okay about this.

Post # 10
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Try to think of it as porn. Think of it as your Fiance watching porn except for the fact that he didnt even get anything from it! Im not saying I would be okay with this – I would want to vomit too! But, I was very straightforward with Fiance before his bachelor party (in Vegas) so that there wouldnt be any issues!

Post # 11
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Darling you are not the first woman in the world to think something like this is cool only when it happens to be horrifeid! You are going to be disgusted as it is not something that would attract you. Tell him how you feel but like the other girls have said remember he thinks he has stayed true to you. He has been honest there are no secrets and I think that a big thing. Also he can’t take it back. Please please find a way of working the anger and disgust out, don’t let it take away from your big day, two girls who didnt touch him are not worth it!. Think of it this way he came home to you didnt touch any one and was honest with the woman he loves. 

Post # 12
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow, I think you actually need to tell him how you feel, if only so that it doesn’t happen again at another friend’s bachelor party. I made it very clear ot my Fiance that if he got taken to a strip club, he was not to be touched by anyone – no lap dances. So, it wasn’t an issue for us (they went skydiving instead, PHEW!). But seriously, you shouldn’t be feeling like this without him knowing. You’re allowed to realize that you aren’t ok with it after all, and he needs to know that for the future.

Post # 13
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would feel the same way in wanting to puke! I feel horrible because I am the jealous type but its because of me and the way I see myself. I always think everyone is way prettier skinnier smarter etc… But I know Fiance loves me and wouldnt marry me if he didnt. However, if I was in this situation my mind would be like OMG he is thinking about them while sleeping with me?!? or comparing my body to theirs. I am just a freak like that. I would just sit down and have a talk with him. I had one with my Fiance about our future bachelor parties. He is having his brothers bachelor party this saturday. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him spending OUR money on that and tried to do something a Little more clean. Thank goodness for my future sister in law. she said she would cut off her Fiance (my fi brother) pee pee if he got a lap dance LOL so they dont want to risk it and arent going there. One thing you dont need before the wedding is a huge fight and a p.o-ed bride!

Post # 14
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

I’m so worried about this too, I totally trust my Fiance but I would be sick to my stomach. Especially since his bachelor party is 2 days before the wedding…

Post # 15
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d tell him how you feel BUT you can’t really hold it against him given what you told him about IF he had an option to not have girls in the room. He told you the truth – that means he isn’t keeping anything from you.

I’d just mention that you thought you’d be okay with it but now it’s kind of bumming you out, but that you don’t hold him responsible. I think you guys just need a date and some TLC and you’ll be able to get past it.

Post # 16
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ugh, it’s a horrible feeling!  You are not the first – and sadly, will not be the last – girl to get that pit in her stomach over this.  Tell your guy how you feel, take a few days to lick your wounds, and move on.  Be glad that he was honest with you, but make it clear to him that this cannot happen again (and get specific if you have to).  And do something nice for yourself.  Maybe this is a horrible attitude, but after FI’s bachelor party I bought myself a bag I’d been coveting for ages.  My feeling was – he did something selfish, so I can too.  It was petty, but it made me feel better.

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