(Closed) I DO NOT like and don't trust my fiance's best man! HELP!

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

His groomsmen party is his decision. I think you need to let this go. 

Post # 4
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Sorry doll, his best man, his choice…its not like the guy can submarine your marriage anyway.  And I hate to break it to you, but the more upset you get, the more he’s going to act up, its childish, futile and completely out of your control.. just be cool baby, he’ll find someone else to annoy.

Post # 5
Member
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it is best for you to step back and let him pick his best man. It is is choice not yours. Imagine how you would feel if he quashed your choice of Maid/Matron of Honor or BM?

Post # 6
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think he needs to have the talk with his friend, and you need to let him make the choice himself.

Post # 7
Member
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with the above posters. Sounds like your man understands your concerns and will deal with them his own way. Put your trust in your Fiance to make the decision and handle the situation.

Post # 8
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Since it doesn’t sound like he’s going to set the venue on fire, you’re going to have to let this go. You Fiance obviously has his own set of life goals, morals, what have you, and knowing this friend since early childhood has not detracted from that. Obviously he is secure enough in his own identity to not let this guy you don’t like rub off on him, and thus you need to back off and trust him.

Post # 9
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Haha, Darling Husband has the same group of friends! There were like five drug dealers at our wedding. At any rate, “best man” is not a permanent title and does not entitle this man to anything in your relationship or your life. If he wants this guy to stand next to him at the wedding, it’s because he loves and trusts him. It really isn’t your decision. DH’s best friend was a Groomsmen (no best man), this guy plays professional poker and grows weed on five acres for a living and hasn’t paid taxes in 10 years…doesn’t affect our marriage.

Post # 10
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You can’t choose your FI’s friends or best man/groomsmen.  From what you’ve written it sounds like you two have equivalent disdain for one another.  Both of you should cool it and let your Fiance enjoy the wedding day.  Imagine how you would feel if your MoH and Fiance bitched about one another all the time.  Everyone needs to act like an adult and get through this.

Post # 11
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This is like him saying he wants to pick out your bra.  or your undiepants.  Nope.

One perspective I would like to point out…….  You said “They cause nothing but problems for my fiance and I“.  I’d like you to shift this perspective.  It’s not this group of friends that cause problems for your fiance and you.   It’s HOW YOUR FIANCE HANDLES  this group of friends that causes problems for your fiance and you.  There is a BIG difference.

You really only have 2 positions:

1.  Support his choice.  You trust him.  You trust that he wants to be friends with guys that are supportive of him and that want the best for him.  You know that guys will be guys but you believe that your fiance is capable of making adult decisions that will keep the health and future of your relationship at the forefront of his mind.

2.  A controlling obsessive bridezilla who wants to pick everything down to how he cuts his toenails the day of the wedding.  Your Fiance is an idiot who obviously can’t be trusted with any details so you have to have the final say on everything.

 

Pick your position wisely.

Post # 12
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

This is a good opportunity for you to erase the phrase “MY wedding” from your vocabulary and replace it with “OUR wedding.”

Yeah, you may not like the Bridesmaid or Best Man. But it’s really important to acknowledge your FI’s right to make his own choices about his side of the Bridal Party, and to frame the wedding as something that both of you share.

Post # 13
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee

Also, some people can’t afford to go to college. Not all people who don’t go to college are losers with no ambition.

Post # 14
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you’re going to have deal with this “best friend”.  That, or pick a different guy to marry…

Post # 15
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m going to have to go against the grain here and agree with OP. My Fiance has one friend like this. He grew up in a very strict Chinese home and his parents aren’t married out of love, they don’t even live in the same state (true story) they were very strict and militant when he was growing up so he thinks having kids and getting married are the worst thing ever, which if he feels like that fine.. but don’t project your feelings on other people.. fast forward my bf and I get pregnant and are close to getting engaged.. this “friend” tells my boyfriend that ‘statistics don’t lie’ (direct quote) and that he doesnt think we’ll end up together etc. My bf wrote him off.. he said he doesn’t want someone like that in our lives which is FINE by me because I had already told him he could be friends but he wasn’t welcome in our home with our daughter that he had the nerve to call “the worst thing that could’ve happened to my bf”

anyway..

It’s both of your wedding.. I think that the bridal party is a symbol of people that have been there for you in the past and will continue to be there in your future to hold you both up as a couple. I would have a conversation with your Fiance and tell him how you feel again and tell him that you’d prefer people that support you BOTH in your collective bridal party. Ultimately though it is his choice so if he stands firm you do need to let it go. Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If he thought your choice of a maid of honor was a bitch, would you change your mind? Probably not. And likely, if you were to come here and post about it from the other side, people would tell you not to change your mind.

They are HIS groomsmen, which means HIS choice.

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