- 9 years ago
My fiance has already decided his best man will be his lifelong “best” friend. Sounds perfect, right? Well, let me explain. They have known each other since they were like 5 years old, went to school together, lived by each other, etc. They still hang out to this day. I used to like this friend, but as my fiance and I got more serious over the 2 years we’ve been dating, his friend has seemed to like me less and less. It’s obvious to me that he is jealous of us having a relationship, and that my fiance is no longer his “go to” guy when he wants to go out and do god knows what till the wee hours of the morning.
Let me back up a minute and explain that my fiance has two different groups of friends that don’t really mix or hang out. He has his friends he’s know since he was very young and grew up in his neighborhood…those friends didn’t go to college, they have crappy jobs, no motivation and ALL, yes, ALL still live with their parents! And, of course they are single. Shocker. They are all over the age of 30!!! My fiance went to college, has a great job, is responsible and now is preparing to get married. Now, I don’t care if someone went to college or not, or how much they make. But, there is a level of responsibility and maturity that they just do not have. They bring my fiance down. They always want him to go out, and say I’m controlling if he doesn’t want to. They cause nothing but problems for my fiance and I.
The other group of friends are guys my fiance met in college for the most part. They are all dating or married, good jobs, responsible, have their own place to live and are good influences on my fiance. I get along with all of them great…we are great friends with many of them and their significant others. They all say I’m the best thing to happen to my fiance, they love me, etc.
So, I tell my fiance that I am uncomfortable with him having this guy, his “best” friend, as the best man in OUR wedding. I don’t want anyone at my wedding that does not think my fiance and I should be getting married, let alone a best man. He said he is going to have a talk with this friend, and the others in their group who basically don’t like me. He said he is going to tell them they need to support him in this, and that he is the happiest he has ever been with me, and either they are on board or they are not. I am glad he will have this talk with them, but the fact is that he can’t make someone like me. It feels awkward and weird. And I am a likable person damnit! I’ve NEVER had this issue. And they are the ONLY guys (3 of them) that feel this way…noone else.
So, I don’t know what to do. I feel like telling my fiance that just because you have known this friend forever, doesn’t mean he is necessarily your best friend today. We don’t hardly ever hang out with him, because he’s single, and we obviously hang out with our couple friends way more. To me, it feels like he should pick a different friend to be best, because he has others that are great friends as well, but haven’t known each other as long (but it’s still been like 15 years).
Am I way off base here, or does anyone have any advice. This group of guys has caused us nothing but problems in our relationship since the beginning, and it is continuing. And advice is appreciated!