Post # 17
One of my good friends said some really snarky things about my SO when we first started dating—based purely on his appearance. She hadn’t even met him yet. I only want people who support our relationship 100% to be standing next to me, so although we’re still friends she will not be a bridesmaid.
Guess I’m in the minority here, but since I would never include someone in the wedding party who harbored any bad thoughts about my SO, I would expect him to do the same.
Post # 18
@Regina Phalange: I agree with you. My SISTER has said snarky things about my SO and I’m not sure that I’ll have her in the bridal party. I still have plenty of time to decide and she is finally warming up to him thank goodness (she hates when I’m in a relationship and she’s not) I think its important to have people that support the relationship 100% — ps LOVE you user name. I’m a friends FANATIC. 🙂
Post # 19
FH has the exact same division in friends..his life-long friends are good people but very much not on the same page as him. His college friends on the other hand, are more “compatible”. I respect them all, and that is mainly because I don’t spend much time with them – I have my own friends.
Regardless, I do agree with the PPs who say that you should let this go. Focus your energy on more important aspects of your wedding. I am completely sure that they will be on their best behavior during the whole process and you will feel silly for worrying about it.
Have fun & don’t stress it.
Post # 20
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
I don’t think that is what the OP was coming from at all. My SO didn’t go to college and I am getting my Master’s Degree and most of the time I feel he is smarter then me, so no worries there. But I do know how the OP feels. I cannot quite put it in Politically Correct terms right now but…(lemme think about how to word this)… I’ll get back to you on that. But please don’t take it that the OP has something against people who didn’t go to college or people who did go to college are any way better then people who didn’t..because that just isn’t true..
I think it is more to do with the Townie mentality. When people go away to university, the get to meet so many different people and their prospectives change so much from the people they grew up with. I have had experiences with the people I grew up with and just because someone was your BFF when you were 8, doesn’t mean they are still your bff at 28. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesnt
Post # 21
@bbsoon2be: Exactly. Thanks! 🙂
Post # 22
I don;t like my FI’s bestman either. He is nowhere near as bad as your FI’s bestman, though. Even so, who he chooses to be his best man is completely up to him. You can’t control who he feels he needs/would like to have standing by him on such an important day. Unfortunately, it is comepletely up to them. 🙁
Post # 23
Thanks to everyone for their responses and perspective. I knew when I wrote this that someone would think this has to do with college or education, but it doesn’t. Basically I was saying that my fiancé and this certain group of friends which include his best man, hit a crossroads when he moved away and went to college. Naturally their lives took different courses, one no better than the other. When that happened, they had different goals, dreams, etc. After college my fiancé moved back to his home town (denver, where we currently live) and was still friends with these guys. He was single, trying to figure out what he wanted to do, etc. He did have his own place, a good job and was motivated to do whatever it took to get the life he wanted. The group of friends just always stayed the same. They are the same today as they were when they were 16. They are all around 32. The bottom line is people change, and unless your friends mature along the same lines as you do, it’s difficult for you to maintain that same friendship level. if the best man RESPECTED our relationship, he would be supportive of us. I find it bizarre that only a few people said they would have a problem with their fiances best man not liking them and knowing that this person standing beside your future husband on your wedding day doesn’t want him to get married. It’s a problem for me.
Im not controlling and I have no intention of picking his best man, but I know if my maid of honor hated my fiancé and there were issues, I couldn’t have them as my moh. It’s true that perhaps I need to handle this situation better as to not let it affect our relationship. I just think a conversation needs to happen between me and the best man as well, after him and my fiance talk.
Post # 24
He is a grown man and his best man is his decision.
Post # 25
I know how you must feel, but does your fiance have a choice in who your bridesmaids are? I think you should tell your fiance that any of his friends that will be participating in the wedding (best man/ groomsmen) should be treating you, and your relationship with respect
Post # 26
I had this same issue. and even worse the best man doesn’t like me either. Has a super bitchy girl firned who doesn’t like me and its super bad- they tried to break us up once ( super highschool i know! )
but I had to bite my toung.
and the best man was pretty helpful and my husband was so happy to have him there.
it didn’t effect me negativly at all.
Post # 27
Yes you are way off base. You can’t choose your FI’s friends. You can however choose your groom. If he is not supportive of you, and he lets his friends say awful things about you, then your problem is really with the groom, not with the best man.
You do sound a little controlling to me. I hate couples that ditch all their single friends when they get coupled up and it sounds like that’s what you think grown-ups are supposed to do. But it’s not. That’s quite a horrible thing to do actually.
Post # 28
You shouldn’t have any say whatsoever who his groomsmen are. It doesn’t matter if they like you or not, he chose them. He chose them for a reason.
I’d suggest backing off this topic. It doesn’t concern you. Remember, this is your SO’s wedding too. It isn’t all about you.
Post # 29
+1. Shoot, +1000000000000000000000
It sounds like this man is about to marry someone who is going to attempt to take over his life.
Post # 30
I feel bad for you. It really sucks when you have strong negative feelings about the best man. I get where you are coming from and it’s totally irritating that the best man doesn’t support you or your relationship. if it makes you feel better, there are definitely other brides who feel the same way so you aren’t alone in your feelings.
Post # 31
Literally nothing the OP said came off as controlling to me. She doesn’t like that her SO’s best man doesn’t even respect her relationship, much less support the marriage. Last time I checked, supporting the marriage you have been asked to be a part of is one of the top reasons a person gets chosen as BM/MOH. I don’t see how at his isn’t her problem? It would be one thing if the dude didn’t like one of the other groomsman or something.. But we’re talking about the bride here.. It’s a problem!