(Closed) I DO NOT like and don't trust my fiance's best man! HELP!

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 17
Member
3667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

One of my good friends said some really snarky things about my SO when we first started dating—based purely on his appearance. She hadn’t even met him yet. I only want people who support our relationship 100% to be standing next to me, so although we’re still friends she will not be a bridesmaid.

Guess I’m in the minority here, but since I would never include someone in the wedding party who harbored any bad thoughts about my SO, I would expect him to do the same.

Post # 18
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Regina Phalange:  I agree with you. My SISTER has said snarky things about my SO and I’m not sure that I’ll have her in the bridal party. I still have plenty of time to decide and she is finally warming up to him thank goodness (she hates when I’m in a relationship and she’s not) I think its important to have people that support the relationship 100% — ps LOVE you user name. I’m a friends FANATIC. 🙂

Post # 19
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

FH has the exact same division in friends..his life-long friends are good people but very much not on the same page as him. His college friends on the other hand, are more “compatible”. I respect them all, and that is mainly because I don’t spend much time with them – I have my own friends. 

Regardless, I do agree with the PPs who say that you should let this go. Focus your energy on more important aspects of your wedding. I am completely sure that they will be on their best behavior during the whole process and you will feel silly for worrying about it. 

Have fun & don’t stress it. 

Post # 20
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@Nona99:  +1

@bunnyharriet:  I don’t think that is what the OP was coming from at all. My SO didn’t go to college and I am getting my Master’s Degree and most of the time I feel he is smarter then me, so no worries there. But I do know how the OP feels. I cannot quite put it in Politically Correct terms right now but…(lemme think about how to word this)… I’ll get back to you on that. But please don’t take it that the OP has something against people who didn’t go to college or people who did go to college are any way better then people who didn’t..because that just isn’t true..

I think it is more to do with the Townie mentality. When people go away to university, the get to meet so many different people and their prospectives change so much from the people they grew up with. I have had experiences with the people I grew up with and just because someone was your BFF when you were 8, doesn’t mean they are still your bff at 28. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesnt

Post # 22
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I don;t like my FI’s bestman either. He is nowhere near as bad as your FI’s bestman, though. Even so, who he chooses to be his best man is completely up to him. You can’t control who he feels he needs/would like to have standing by him on such an important day. Unfortunately, it is comepletely up to them. 🙁

Post # 24
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

He is a grown man and his best man is his decision.

Post # 25
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

I know how you must feel, but does your fiance have a choice in who your bridesmaids are? I think you should tell your fiance that any of his friends that will be participating in the wedding (best man/ groomsmen) should be treating you, and your relationship with respect

Post # 26
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I had this same issue. and even worse the best man doesn’t like me either. Has a super bitchy girl firned who doesn’t like me and its super bad- they tried to break us up once ( super highschool i know! )

but I had to bite my toung.

and the best man was pretty helpful and my husband was so happy to have him there.

it didn’t effect me negativly at all.

Post # 27
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

@jsimp12:  

Yes you are way off base.  You can’t choose your FI’s friends.  You can however choose your groom.  If he is not supportive of you, and he lets his friends say awful things about you, then your problem is really with the groom, not with the best man.  

You do sound a little controlling to me.  I hate couples that ditch all their single friends when they get coupled up and it sounds like that’s what you think grown-ups are supposed to do.  But it’s not.  That’s quite a horrible thing to do actually.

Post # 28
Member
9087 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You shouldn’t have any say whatsoever who his groomsmen are. It doesn’t matter if they like you or not, he chose them. He chose them for a reason.

I’d suggest backing off this topic. It doesn’t concern you. Remember, this is your SO’s wedding too. It isn’t all about you.

Post # 29
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Hyperventilate:  

+1. Shoot, +1000000000000000000000

It sounds like this man is about to marry someone who is going to attempt to take over his life. 

Post # 30
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I feel bad for you. It really sucks when you have strong negative feelings about the best man. I get where you are coming from and it’s totally irritating that the best man doesn’t support you or your relationship. if it makes you feel better, there are definitely other brides who feel the same way so you aren’t alone in your feelings. 

Post # 31
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Literally nothing the OP said came off as controlling to me. She doesn’t like that her SO’s best man doesn’t even respect her relationship, much less support the marriage. Last time I checked, supporting the marriage you have been asked to be a part of is one of the top reasons a person gets chosen as BM/MOH. I don’t see how at his isn’t her problem? It would be one thing if the dude didn’t like one of the other groomsman or something.. But we’re talking about the bride here.. It’s a problem!

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