(Closed) I do not want my future mother in law in the wedding!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee

I think that your Future Mother-In-Law will complain no matter what you do.  If you allow her to have equal status with your parents she will be content but this will only until the next situation arises.  I imagine that will be soon after your honeymoon.  Maybe she will feel that she isn’t getting enough attention, or that you haven’t visited enough, or that somehow you have offended her.  She will think of something I can guarantee.  

This means that you and your Fiance need to decide now how you wish to deal with her and then stick to your guns.  

From your previous comments it is clear that she eventually capitulates if she can’t get her own way.  Stick with this thought.  Be firm.  Let her know what you would like her to do and then let her say yes or no.  Take her answer at face value.  If you always do this then she knows where she stands.  

Interestingly if you are firm with manipulative people then they at least have some respect for you.  If you give in then things may temporarily seem easier but you are just storing problems for the future.

The bit about the half brothers is a serious thing.  Serious enough for your Fiance to cut communication.  She should be grateful that you are still speaking to her. 

Be strong and present a united front and don’t let her manipulate you.

Both my parents were manipulative and I gave them so many chances because children are meant to love their parents.  One day they did something similar but to my daughter.  That day the relationship I had with my parents broke.  I should have bwen firm sooner.

Post # 19
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

OMG, your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like a *nightmare.*  I am so, so sorry.

As for the wedding, what I would WANT to do in your shoes is tell her she’s uninvited or if she comes that she can only attend as a guest.

But I think that it would be better to include her in the processional and give her a corsage.  Treat her as a “mom.”  Then she won’t have anything to complain about.  And after the wedding, I would *seriously* consider cutting off contact with her.  She is mentally ill.

I wish I had better advice.  What a sucky situation.  I hope someday your FH can meet his half-siblings and get to know the rest of his family.

Post # 20
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2006

I am sorry you are going through this. To me, your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like someone who has been deeply scorned and takes it out on others. I say kill her with kidness. Out of curiousity, what is her relationship with the rest of FH family?

Post # 21
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee

What ever decision you make I wish you good luck.

Just be firm and always present a united front with your Fiance.

Post # 23
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2006

@sara5ann:  Okay. Honestly to me, she sounds like a woman who is very hurt. This doesn’t justify her actions but it helps to understand them. I’m sure she thought your Fiance father loved her and they would live a happily ever after and when it didn’t happen, she resented her own son (even though it was of course not his fault). I’m sure you have already been as nice as can be to her, but I would have a true heart-to-heart and tell her how you feel (about her actions) and explain that you would love to one day have a true familial relationship with her. 

Post # 24
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
aussiemum1248:  I would say it would be the mother’s responsibility, especially if she had told the father to stay away or that she/they didn’t want anything to do with him. The father was clearly not in the picture and she saw him everyday and had taken on the responsibility of raising him, making it her responsibility. Just my opinion though

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