(Closed) I Do NOT Want To Change My Last Name, But Fiance Is Upset..

posted 7 years ago in Names
Post # 92
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

So if he won’t take your last name and you don’t want to take his, and you don’t really like the idea of hyphenating…Maybe this is too “outside the box” but have you considered blending your last names and then both changing it to that one?  For example, if your last name is Jones and his is Smith, both of you change it to Smones (hopefully a blended version of your last names won’t sound silly).  That way, you both share the same last name, and it’s also special to both of you because your new last name would contain a “piece” of you.

I’m also hesitant to take FI’s last name because my last name is “me”, so I considered the blended name for a while, but unfortunately there’s no blended version of FI’s and my last name that doesn’t sound ridiculous.

 

Post # 93
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know someone who took their husband’s name as their middle name and I am totally considering it. 

Post # 94
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I went through a miniature identity crisis a couple days ago (I’m in the process of changing my name right now) just because my last name is so unique and the last name I’m taking is so….not.

Everyone used to ask me what I am and where my last name is from–it was just this huge conversation starter and now I don’t have it anymore!!  I saw my email at work change today and it’s so short!!!

But I am excited to take his last name, to me it was just something that I expected to happen when I got married.  I kept my maiden name as my middle name, though, and I make sure it’s in all my email signatures and on facebook so everyone knows I still use it!

Post # 95
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Kat:  I didn’t read through all of the comments (I did read through some and I completely disagree with those who are saying “marriage is about compromise, so you should change your name”) but I totally understand where you’re coming from because Darling Husband and I went through this a bit when I first said that I wouldn’t be changing my name.

At the end of the day, it’s your name, IMO no one has the right to even suggest to you that you should change it if you don’t want to! For me, this isn’t a “marital” issue, it’s a personal issue. If you’re one of those women who has dreamed of taking her husband’s name and doodled “Mrs. DiCaprio” all over her notebook as a child, great. If you’re not, it doesn’t make you any less committed to your relationship or any less married.

PS- It’s a bit rant-y, but really liked this post.

 

Post # 96
Member
10363 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Men get:

Higher pay.

More promotions.

More political and social power.

More rights in general (even where equality is guaranteed by the law).

You should at least get to keep your last name if you want!

Post # 97
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s YOUR name and YOUR identity in question here, not his.  If not changing your name to his somehow threatens his masculinity, he needs to work on being less insecure.  Marrying a strong woman with her own identity should make him feel more masculine, not less.  It’s a weak man who would feel threatened by that, in my opinion.

Post # 98
Member
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

If I felt the same way as you, I’d just tell him I didn’t want to, but I’d change it on Facebook for a while lol. Either this is a deal breaker for him or it isn’t, he has to make that choice.

Post # 100
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Kat:  I find it a bit odd though, as his parents have been together (unmarried) for 30 years & always had different names.

There’s your answer as to why this is such a big deal to him.  On some level it makes him unhappy or uncomfortable that his parents have different last names.  Maybe people made comments about it when he was younger.

We went around and around about the issue and finally agreed that I can keep my maiden name professionally but in social situations I will be introduced as Mrs. HisLastName.

Post # 101
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My hisband wanted me to take his last name. I didn’t want to, and I didn’t. he had to deal with it. i wasn’t willing to compromise on my name. stay strong.

Post # 102
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

For those bees saying a decision can be made after the wedding:  I don’t know about all states, but here in Oregon, when applying for our license, a decision had to be made then and there about what our names would be after marriage.  After marriage, you would have to petition the court for a legal name change.

Post # 104
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

You don’t need to make a decision right away. I got married a year ago and am just now starting to change my name over. I was really unsure of changing my name so I didn’t do it till I felt ok with the idea. Tell your hubby you will decide after you get married ( you use your maiden name on your marriage licence anyways), once the ordeal of the wedding is over you will beable to clear your head and think about what you want.

I didn’t want to change my name initially (and my hubby did want me to change it), but after a year of being a bit confused as to whether or not the use his name or mine when it came to stupid little things like dinner reservations or joint purchases I decides to take the leap. It is going to take some time to get used to but it really hasn’t been that bad after all, I am sure in a few years I will be totally used to my new name.

Best of luck, and really dont stress, it will be ok.

Post # 105
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Kat:  My situation is a bit different since he was adopted by his stepfather when he was 10 and decided to take his stepfather’s name as his own.  My Fiance finds it extremely important for me to legally change my last name to validate his relationship with his father and my place in the family.  As a result I decided to change my last name legally to his and I will use his last name socially but I will continue using my maiden name professionally.  It also gives me the legal protection so that people who know me professionally cannot find my family through open public records like tax rolls.  (I work an unpopular job where I would prefer some anonimity at home.)

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