Post # 1
To make this short, my dad cheated on my mom with this woman, and that is why my parents got divorced. He’s been dating her for over two years. The divorce finalized a few months ago. After the divorce, he moved back in with his mom and the girlfriend stays with him several nights a week there. This means that when my 15-year-old sister goes to see him for his required visitation, the girlfriend is usually there, butting in and taking up the time my dad should be spending with my sister. My dad tells my sister she just has to get used to having the girlfriend around. This has given my sister a lot of resentment toward this woman, and has angered my mom, as well.
I do NOT want this woman at my wedding. I think it would be a slap in the face to my mother and would communicate to my father and the girlfriend that I approve of what they did and what they’re doing now, and I do not. I absolutely don’t want her there. I really don’t want him there, either, but he is giving us money so I feel obligated.
How do I tell my father I don’t want her there? I’m not fussed about offending him, honestly, but I am terrible at confrontation, and I know this will not go over well. If he withdraws his financial support or refuses to attend unless she’s invited, it will not bother me. We can do without his money, and I honestly don’t care one way or the other if he comes. But I do want to approach this in a civil manner. Advice?
Post # 3
You invite your dad and a +1, the rest is out of your hands.
Sorry, I know that isn’t the answer you want.
Post # 4
Is your wedding in October 2013? If so, you do not need to make any invitation decisions right now.
Post # 5
Ugh, that sucks. It’s not like they mutually split up, he cheated. I wouldn’t want to put my mother through that either. I’d probably speak my mind once and hope he doesn’t make things difficult. “Out of respect for my mother, I’d really prefer if you didn’t bring your girlfriend. I hope you can understand that, I just don’t want any problems if it can at all be avoided.” If he raises a fuss, let it go and give your mom a heads up. You might have to even say thanks but no thanks to his financial help if it gets bad.
Post # 6
“We have reserved 1 seat in your honor ” put just his name on the invite.
Post # 7
Without knowing your dad or what your relationship is/was like outside of this issue…
Can you just talk to him?
‘Dad. I know you have the right to make any choices you see fit, but this particular choice has taken a tremendous toll on our family as a whole. I’m still working on it, and I know mom is. I want to be able to enjoy my wedding with you there, but I just cannot have your girlfriend there. I hope you are able to understand and respect my decision.’
Post # 9
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
To be honest, I wouldn’t invite him at all. If you don’t care if HE is there and def don’t want the GIRL there… just avoid them all together. Personally, I wouldn’t accept money from someone for my wedding if I didn’t care that they were there.
Post # 10
Use reverse psychology. Tell him you inderstand that his gf will not want to come as it will be too uncomfortable for her. That’s exactly what I’m going to tell my dad.
I’m going through the same thing (sort of). My dad’s gf has beef with my mom’s sister.
Post # 11
talk to him, let him know that you would feel more comfortable if him and your mom came to the wedding alone with out any dates
Post # 12
Can you have a sit-down chat with just him? and explain that your wedding is about you and your FH and you just want those closest to the two of you there? Maybe also tell him that you are hurt that he cheated on your mom and having the “other woman” there would be very uncomfortable for many people.
He should respect your feelings on this. If he was recently divorced and started dating some, i would probably say sorry, he should get a plus one but because it’s the woman he cheated with… it’s just so awkward on so many levels.
Unfortunately, if she is always around when your sister visits (and by the way, what grown woman sleeps over a man’s mother’s house????), he’s probably not going to take your request very well.
Post # 13
@Bostongrl25: That’s how I feel about it, but you’d think I was getting married tomorrow, the way my family is constantly asking about the wedding. It’s like they think I’ve gotten everything planned already in the month since I’ve been engaged. And this stupid question about his girlfriend keeps coming up on all sides, so I was curious what advice the bees would have for me.
@KatyElle: @imalittlebirdie: @axeyourmakeupkit: Thank you! These are good ways to say what I want without sounding disrespectful or like I’m childishly whining/pouting.
Post # 14
I was in a similiar situation when my niece invited my ex and his skanky Girlfriend for her wedding. I ignored them but during the actual wedding for my niece’s sake. However, some idiot had me at the same table as them! I quickly traded places with a good-natured soul at another table.
My point is that he might bring Girlfriend regardless of what you want. Be prepared and have THEM seated far away from your Mom!
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think you either have to tell him not to contribute and not invite him (and then deal with the fallout and potential estrangement because of that), or let him make the decision whether or not to bring her. It sucks that you don’t like his girlfriend, but it’s not your decision who he dates, nor is it your mother’s. If you let him know your feelings and he chooses to disregard them, that’s a reflection on him.
When making your decision, though, you really have to remember that while you won’t have to deal with him if you don’t want to, your sister will. From your post, it seems like you care about her and her situation. She still has required visitation with him (and his girlfriend, who imo has the right to be there, since she is a part of your father’s life whether you like it or not) for the next 3 years, and I think that making the decision not to invite him, or not to invite his girlfriend, will put her in an awkward place, since she is the one he will most likely complain to. It wouldn’t be fair to her to put her in the middle, and that is certainly where she would end up if your father is anything like mine, even if he only talks to her about it to ask her how to fix things with you.
Post # 16
@MrsNeutrino: I honestly don’t want his money, but my mom was insistent that I take it. Something about seeing it as compensation for leaving her hanging with a mortgage and credit card debts that she couldn’t pay. And it makes her feel better about not being able to contribute anything to us because of her wrecked financial situation. :/
@jasmine.hunter: Great idea!
@PinkPinstripes: “by the way, what grown woman sleeps over a man’s mother’s house????” LOL oh, we have said this countless times whenever she comes up in conversation. I should add that my dad is 48 and his girlfriend is in her 50s. I mean, seriously?!