(Closed) I don´t think I really want to marry him…

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I am so incredibly sorry that you’re going through this. I have to say I agree with everyone else. Trust your instincts, if they’re telling you to go, then go. My father was emotionally and verbally abusive and I wish my mother had had the strength to leave him so much earlier than she did. Even if you can’t imagine this being the case now, please know that your child will thank you for it when she’s older.

Post # 33
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

If your mom is the only way out, then call her.  If she calls lawyers and books flights, then that’s fine.  What’s not fine is  you staying in that situation, emotionally, and physically (being the most important for the moment).  I can say from personal experience that staying in an abusive relationship for your children is the wrong way to go.  Period.  A child would rather be from a happy home than from an abusive one. 

All the best, my dear. 

Post # 34
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I really hope you do what is best for you and your daughter.

You mentioned being a Christian- is there a church you attend or anyone there that you can reach out to?  Even just talking to an unbiased third party in person might help give you the strength.

sending you so many hugs.

Post # 35
Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation.  If you are afraid of your fiance at this point, it might be best for you and your daughter if you are able to remove yourselves from the situation.  I’d start trying to plan some sort of safe escape plan.  There are lots of resources you can find to help support your plan. 

Please know that we’re all here to support you.  Let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

Post # 36
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Definitely go with your gut, your happiness and comfort are important.

Post # 37
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I had a friend in a similar situation. The night before the married, she was crying and they had a huge arguement. The day after she got married everything went downhill and she has been MISERABLE ever since. Our friendship has suffered from it bc of her husband. He has cheated on her. He treats her kids like crap, treats her like crap…no one likes to be around them bc he has seriously broken her spirit and he is just such an a$$ (pardon). Sometimes men bamboozle you to get what they think they want or the stability they need. I don’t know what your fiance’s unerlying reasons are, but I have to agree with others and say go with your gut. You don’t want to do something you really regret.

Post # 38
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

This is something you really need to go with your gut on, for your own sake and your daughters.

Post # 39
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t have any advice to add, the ladies above me had some great things to say, but I hope things are going better for you. ((hugs))

Post # 40
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

For the sake of you and your daughter (who is so, so young and innocent still) just leave. Call your mom and just go. As far as telling the FI’s family… ultimately, their allegiance is to him and not you, so it probably would not be in your best interest to tell them, lest they give him the heads up. It will be the hardest thing you have EVER had to do, but living in fear is the worst feeling in the world, and it’s not okay. We love you and we’re all here for you!

Post # 41
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

better to be alone then to have serious DOUBTS you have serious DOUBTS!!!

think twice before marrying him

it shouldnt be just for the sake of your daughter

Post # 42
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

to the posters that gave advice and links and phone numbers – are they accessible outside the US? the poster mentioned she doesn’t live in the US and i want to make sure she’s getting the right resources.

I agree, the church may be a good place to turn for support and help – if it’s not too strict.    You still have 4 months, plan wisely..

Post # 43
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh honey. I bet I recall your from earlier posts under a different name. I’m glad that you’re coming around to understanding what you could be getting yourself into. For your sake and for your daugter’s sake, get the hell out. Better for your child to be raised by a single parent than by two parents with violence between them.

RUN.

Post # 44
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If you are afraid of someone you seriously should not be marrying them.  Do you want your daughter to grow up expecting what she sees your Fiance doing to be acceptable behavior?

Definately don’t do this to yourself or your daughter. 

Post # 45
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Sounds like red flags are already going up. Your motherly instincts could be screaming at you to pay attention. Listen to them and imagine what your life will be like if you are unhappy. Think of the advice you would give your daughter if she was feeling this way.

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