(Closed) I don't care, but I do… (kind of long)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5955 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@piperbee:  Yes, I’d be hurt as well.  You sacrafice a lot to support him and I would have expected that he’d save some money to buy you a gift or take you on a date to celebrate your bday.  It’s not the money, it’s the thought.  Especailly since he used the money to buy a video game, which is basically a gift to himself.

Post # 4
8422 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

I would totally be hurt. You are too young to be supporting a man! He needs to bump his contribution up once he gets his part time job.

Post # 6
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@piperbee:  Yea that’s not cool, he’s being very immature. I would definitely be hurt, I think you need to have another discussion with him (maybe after your birthday just incase he has managed to somehow get something for you and keep it a secret).
Just stress that while you’re not being materialistic, but it’s important that he acknowledge your birthday before his own wants and needs, especially if you’re supporting him. I get the sense it’s a deeper issue than just not buying you a birthday present.. Is he selfish or single minded in other ways too? How old is he?

Post # 7
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would definitely be upset in your shoes! I hope he surprises you with something!

Post # 9
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, I would be hurt. It’s one thing to not be able to afford a gift, it’s another to blow $50 on a video game for himself and not get anything for your birthday.  Any chance he stashed away some money from previous checks?

Post # 10
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@piperbee:  No, it’s not sexist to expect your partner to take care of you. The care is supposed to be equivocal. He should care enough to be SUPER appreciative that you are supporting him right now. And buying a video game with his left-over money right before your birthday is pretty selfish. Additionally, how much extra money do you have? If all your money goes toward bills, all of his needs to as well.

If he isn’t doing the majority of the housework, I will need my smelling salts. 

Post # 12
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@piperbee:  Well, wait until tomorrow. There’s always the chance he has a secret stash of things for you.

But, if tomorrow comes and he doesn’t do anything, yes, I’d be piiisssed.  Again, not because I want material goods, but because it shows he does not care about days that are special to you, and thinks an important day to you is less important than a video game (and I love video games, but still think that’s awful).  He doesn’t even think about the possibility to going out of his way to do something special for you – and that is messed up, and not how someone in a serious relationship should act.

You need to have a talk to him about his immature and self-centered nature if it turns out he really did blow $50 on a game instead of your birthday. If you keep closed mouthed about it, he’ll never know it’s a problem, and think its acceptable.  You determine how others treat you, so don’t accept less than what you should.

Post # 14
3785 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Happy almost birthday! I hope he pulls through for you!  If not, I think I would definitely have a conversation with him about how hurtful it is that he has no problem buying random gifts for himself but does not care about getting you something for your birthday.

Post # 15
8422 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

@piperbee:  “Anything is possible but it would be very out of character for him, I’m the saver/budgeter of the relationship”

It sounds like this is something that really bothers you. With your age, I would really give some time and thought about whether this is a deal breaker for you or not. People don’t become savers overnight.



The topic ‘I don't care, but I do… (kind of long)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors