- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Bees, how on earth do I deal with that comment (my title line) uttered by one of my favorite uncles?
A little back story on the baby: My uncle and his wife had a very difficult time getting pregnant and after several miscarriages finally had a beautiful little girl 3 months ago. I am the oldest of the girl cousins, she is the youngest so it’s something kind of special. There are over 30 cousins altogether.
A little back story on the Bride and Groom: My fiance and I love kids! We both work with kids, at parties kids gravitate toward us, we can’t wait to have some. We love them. That said, we know kids very well. In our line of work (therapist & teacher) we have been vomited on, peed on, hit, kicked, scratched, made bleed, etc etc. We would prefer that none of that happen at our wedding. We have both been to events where kids run wild including one where a 4 yro got so mad he ran out into the middle of the dance floor and forced himself to throw up…
The Uncle: My uncle, who is close in age to us, has been very opinionated about our wedding, insisting his friends be our musicians, voicing strong opinions about who I should not invite (one of my dad’s long time friends, who he doesnt like), semi-inviting people I had no plans to invite (he mentioned they would be in town and asked if they were coming, suggesting they should), and asking kinda angrily who he would be sitting with and when I said I wasnt sure yet (wedding is 3 months away) he was like “Well what if I don’t like them?!!?” He also has commented no less than 5 times that he thinks his daughter should be the flower girl. I already have 2 flower girls and his daughter will be 6 months at the time of the wedding. I really don’t want to have 3 flower girls or have a baby carried or pulled in a wagon. It would have been great, but she is just too little. He got mad and asked how our family was going to be represented then since the flower girls and ring bearers are all the FI’s nieces and nephews. My family will present the gifts, do traditionaly cultural things, and be the readers. They will also outnumber the FI’s family at least 3:1.
The situation: Knowing kids as we do, we have decided no children under 10 unless they are in the wedding party or have already made arrangements with me to be at the kids-table. I have hired my former assistant to come and manage a kids table but she can only safely watch 10 kids. (she might have a helper). I agreed that my uncle’s baby can come after he told me, “I dont care if she’s invited or not, I’m bringing her.” but I asked that he please take her into the crying room if she starts crying or screaming, especially if it’s during the vows or another important part. He said no. He said that that she’s never been to church so he doesnt know how she’ll react but that if she cries, he’ll just quiet her. I am so afraid, that I’ll be saying my vows to a crying baby!!!!
And then there’s this: I know that part of the reason I’m mad about this is that 6 years ago, my uncle and his wife had a destination wedding and I was not invited. Only half the family was invited depending on their financial or legal status and whether this permitted them to travel abroad. He and I used to be really close but that hurt so much. They had gotten a courthosue marriage 4 years before that and no one was invited to that. To each their own on their own wedidng day but what hurt was that my uncle told me they wanted the destination wedding so that they could celebrate with family since during the courthouse wedding no one was there. But family wasn’t there at the second one either…
1. How do I make it clear that the baby is welcome but I really don’t want crying/screaming/etc during the mass???
2. Is it rude to ask my assistant to stand near them and tell them she can take the baby to the crying room if need be?
3. What do I doooo?