Post # 1
I am in a baaaaad moooooood.
So apparently my fiance tells me we don’t have the money for a bachorette party and he gets on to me for having a bridesmaid luncheon, when my mom is paying for it!!
He literally just told me “You don’t need that, you don’t need that”
Mind you he hasn’t work in 8 months, bc he has $ saved up from last job, but still…he needs to go back to work…( Its not THAT much he saved up)
I said “Don’t you think I DESErVE it bc I am the one busting my butt at work! I said Don’t you feel bad that I have to get up every morning and go to work and you get to sleep in”
He said, “Nope, I don’t feel bad at all that you have to work, bc you should work, thats why you got a degree, and even though I am not working right now I STILL have more $$ than you & you STILL have college debt”
He doesn’t want to have a bachelor party, but I told him i don’t care if he does, he can do what he wants…
& he has spent a lot of money in the past year on CRAP! Video games, movies, etc…
Post # 3
He makes it sound like your finances are separate. if that’s true, theN spend your money how you want to. He spends his on crap and you spend yours on a party.
Post # 4
Honestly, no one deserves any parties. If you don’t have the money for it, that sucks. It sounds like you two need to discuss him heading back to work, because it sounds like you’re having a hard time with him not working.
Post # 5
@BrideToBe14: Um, screw him! He’s being a dick. Have fun at your luncheon 🙂 he can’t tell you you can’t go.
Post # 6
@abbie017: Well I am making plenty of money, but he is not making any really.. So he is trying to tell me that we don;t have the $ bc of him not making any right now and that just annoys me:(
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
You made the money? You spend the money as you see fit. If he thinks there isn’t enough in the family budget to afford one party, he’s welcome to start contributing again!
Post # 8
@MrsSweetT: Thanks:) I am having the luncheon regardless bc the deposit was already put down by my mom, but now he is making me feel like i shouldn’t have a bachlorette party. When I am not even having ti anywhere expensive, just in my hometown 🙁
Post # 9
@BrideToBe14: No one deserves a party, especially one they can’t pay for.
I’m under the impression that the Bride usually doesn’t pay for the Bachelorette party though. Are you planning something differently where you would be paying?
He was wrong for telling you not to have the Luncheon when you aren’t the one paying for it. That’s a lovely gesture on your mom’s part and she is entitled to spend her money however she wants.
And I don’t know how much money he has put away, but if he isn’t using it to help pay wedding expenses or living expenses then he needs to start doing so. And I agree with a PP that said you two need to seriously discuss him heading back to work.
Post # 10
Are your fiances separate now? Will you guys merge finances after marriage? If so, he’s probably treating “your money if my money, and vice versa” and probably feels that a party is an unnecessary expense giving the amount of your student loans.
Post # 11
@BrideToBe14: Sounds like you two aren’t working as a team and he is being a dick. You need to talk about him working. You need to talk about finances. No one ever deserves a party, but it shouldn’t be “I have more money than you so you have to work and don’t deserve anything”.
My Fiance is in vet school and accumulating student loans because you can’t really get vet school paid for through scholarships. I would never dream of holding that over his head. I would expect him to work when he is done, but we discussed that. I am working right now (and going to school) and when we are married his money=my money, his debt = my debt. We work as a team. He pulls his weight when he can. I would never treat him like that.
This isn’t really about the party, this about respect. Both of you need to discuss finance and respect each other.
Post # 12
First, why would you be paying for a bachelorette party? That is generally something hosted by your maids and they should either cover your costs or plan something that you can afford.
Second, nobody “deserves” a bachelorette or bridal luncheon. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have them, if you want them.
Third, if he doesn’t want a bachelor, that’s fine, but doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a bachelorette, if your girls have offered to host one. You guys should either make financial decisions together (in which case this should be a discussion) or should keep separate finances (in which case you can do what you want with your money).
Post # 13
@weddingbee098: Yeah our finances are seperate right now, but we will combine them once we get married, so thats probably also why he doesn’t want me to spend money on a bachelorette party..but it wont be that much, maybe $250 total
Post # 14
@BrideToBe14: I agree, while 250 isn’t that much, but in his eyes, thats 250 paid off on your student loans. lol
Just talk to him and tell him why it’s important to you. I think putting it in terms of “I deserve it” probably isn’t the best approach. No one deserves a party (except homecoming party for soldiers! =))
Post # 15
I don’t get along great with anyone who tells me what I can and can’t do…so this is totally rubbing me the wrong way.
Post # 16
I’m pretty sure he can suck it! If he can spend “his” money on video games and movies, you can spend “your” money on whatever you want!