(Closed) I DONT Deserve a Bachelorette party according to Fiance

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
10430 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

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@BrideToBe14:  The bride shouldn’t have to spend any money on her bachelorette party except for a pretty dress to wear, IMO. Your friends should buy your drinks and pay your entrance costs or for your dinner, whatever you choose to do.. YOU should not be paying for it because you’re the bride!

Post # 18
3336 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Well, all you really NEED is food, water, and shelter.  No one NEEDS a bachelorette party.  But if you want one, then have one!

I told my BMs I didn’t want to do anything crazy or expensive.  We ended up going to dinner (where they all chipped in to pay for my meal), and then back to one of the girl’s houses for games.  They had literally made up a bunch of fun games that were tailored to me, like pin-the-Arwen-necklace-on-Christy and I get to spray you with silly string if you don’t remember something we did together in the past.  It was super fun!

Your Fiance needs to chill out.  You’re a bride.  You deserve to do all the bridal activities that you want to.

Post # 19
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am on the other side here but not really the same situation. Fiance wants to have a bachelor party and spend a few hundred dollars and I can’t understand it. That $300 can go pretty far in terms of our wedding and I hate to see it going down the drain for some silly party just because he is getting married – in my mind the wedding should be party enough.

We actually comprimised. He’s just going to have a couple of friends come over to our place and they’ll have some beer, pizza, chips and watch movies/play video games. It is much more affordable and he gets to say he had the party.

So unless someone else is paying for your bachelorette party I wouldn’t go ahead because if your Fiance isn’t making money right now you both should be trying to slash any unnecessary expenses… even if that means a less than glamourous bachelorette party.

Post # 20
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

There are so many things wrong with this point. In no particular order:

1) Why are you paying for your bachelorette?

2) Why haven’t you guys worked out a plan to address his unemployment?

3) Why do you talk to each other like you’re children?


You’re trying to make the argument that you work harder than he does and therefore “deserve” something he doesn’t. That’s dumb. You want to have the party because you want to have it, not because you deserve or don’t deserve it.

What you both deserve is each other’s respect and to be willing to discuss and talk things through without throwing things in each other’s faces. Please work on your issues before you get married.

Post # 21
214 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like you guys really need to work on your communication and there are some issues that should be addressed before the marriage. Even if you have separate finances right now, given that you are engaged to be married it is, in my opinion, both people’s business concerning 1)his lack of employment and 2)how you spend your money. So, I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong for him to say that there might be a better way for you to spend the money but at the same time, you’re allowed to have issue with him wasting money on stuff and not being employed.

As money is the #1 cause of arguments in marriage, I can’t stress enough the importance of being able to talk about this sort of thing in a mature and respectful matter.

Post # 22
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

well, no one “deserves” a party, but I see why you’re upset with him. I’d be mad too if I were you.

the problem I see here though isn’t really about the party but about the way you see finances and who contributes what. It sounds like you’re not really a team here. I think you two should sit down and go over what you expect from the other when it comes to financial contributions to the household, long term goals, etc. You need to be on the same page before you get married.

Post # 23
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@mojitolady:  number 3 is the real question. 

Post # 24
5656 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

um.. is your fiance USUALLY this much of a condescending asshole to you?

Post # 25
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Why are you paying for your bachelorette? The wedding party pays. I don’t get this

Post # 27
5866 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@BrideToBe14:  I have a hard time with the idea of “deserving” something like this.  Especially in exchange for going to work every day…your bach party doesn’t have anything to do with your job.

Also, you don’t normally pay much fo anything for a bachlorette since it’s thrown in your honour by your friends.  So I’m not sure what exactly he’s getting at….

Post # 29
2386 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It’s $250.  It’s also YOUR $250.  I know people are saying it’s irresponsible to SPEND ANY MONEY THAT YOU COULD USE TO PAY DOWN DEBT but come on – you still have to live!  You only get married once (hopefully LOL), and if you want to have a bachelorette then have one.  Again, it’s only $250.  Your student loan is still going to be there.  Life is no fun with no splurges!

Post # 30
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Why doesn’t he want to save for the future?  I get that he has money saved up but he could be working & saving more for the kids & a house. .etc..

His attitude towards you & all of this sucks. I’m sorry. He needs a swift kick in the rear end! 

Post # 31
1523 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like you and your Fiance might have differing views on how to spend/save money.  Is your Fiance trying to find a job or is he just lounging around at home having fun living off of the money he saved from his previous job?  Because if he is purposely CHOOSING to stay home and not look for work, than it sounds like your Fiance has developed some issues and insecurities around money and spending, and he’s projecting his issues onto you.

If it’s your money, of course you can do whatever you want.  But if you and your Fiance are going to combine accounts down the road, then I’m going to assume that you both like to make joint decisions together in how you guys spend money.  If that’s the case, then it makes sense why your Fiance is being a penny-pincher about spending money b/c it seems he’s thinking about your long-term financial goals.  But if that is not the true, than you need to sit with your Fiance and have an honest talk about your finances and long-term savings.


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