(Closed) I don’t even feel happy about this anymore.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Awe.. no! He loves YOU. He finds YOU attracted. To hell with everyone else!

I have my moments of insecurity. My fiance has a PhD in mathematics. He’s brilliant. I was never gifted in that area, but my talents/gifts are in creativity and business.

I sometimes feel like he will find someone similar to himself and then leave me. I sometimes I think that even if he doesn’t leave me, he will have desires to or develop crushes on girls who are more like him. 

It’s just silly talk, though. Think about it. Why doesn’t your man have the same fears as you?

It all goes both ways. My fiance could be worried about me finding someone with similar interestes as well, right? He doesn’t. Think about that.

YOU are worthy of him. YOU are good enough. HE finds you beautiful.. attractive.. etc.

SCREW OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR IGNORANCE. Think of all the ways you two are good for each other.. focus on those in times of insecurity. Insecurity IS normal. It’s what you do to deal with it that matters.

 The only “blemish” is the person who says something horrid like that. Jerks.

HE LOVES YOU.

 

Post # 4
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

That didn’t come out right.

Post # 5
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Every couple is different and they are beautiful when both people love each other very much.  The love radiates from the couple onto others and they can either be appreciative or down right jealous. Do not dump him, he loves you and a man of that caliber is one in a million. Believe me…..

You will find alot of really dumb people on the internet making horrible comments about anything. They are strangers that have no idea what they are talking about, they are not your friends or family. These are not the people you are inviting to your wedding. The people that you invite love you and do not judge you and will think you are crazy for thinking what you are thinking now.

Post # 6
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m right there with you! 5’2 189 lbs. and ALWAYS an xl. I’ve always been the “short and fat sister”. My sister is taller so even when we weigh the same it looks completely different. Husband to be has been skinny all his life. Recently he’s put on some weight and he’s just now starting to look a little “fuller”. Ugh. I worry about our wedding photos and how I’ll look standing next to him. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I’ve been told my entire life that I’m fat (hello, issues) and I expect more unwanted comments once the wedding rolls around.

I guess as long as you’re happy and he’s happy that’s all that matters!! That’s what I keep telling myself…

Post # 7
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Future–I feel your pain!! I always thought I was the smart one! Fiance is in Mensa. GRRR

Post # 8
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

First of all, congrats on finishing up your last year of school.  I have a lot of respect for people who return to school because it can be really difficult to go back once you have left.  So, kudos!  Obviously, this man is talking marriage with you and thinks you are perfect just the way you are or else he wouldn’t want that commitment.  What worries me is that you sound so self-conscious that you might end up unknowingly destroying the relationship.  Have you thought about getting some self-help books and/or talking to someone about your feelings?  I am overweight, more than fiance, but he is also somewhat overweight.  Unfortunately, there will always be haters out there in the world.  Could I stand to lose 75-100 lbs?  Sure.  But am I going to let what a stranger says about me define me?  Hell no.  I am just as funny, smart, and interesting at 250 lbs. as I am at 150 lbs.  Would I look better if I weighed less?  Yeah, probably.  But I am okay with how things are now.  It is hard to be short and bigger.  I am five feet tall and a size 20, whereas my fiance is 5’11”.  Any photographer who would blog those hateful things is unprofressional as all get out and should be ignored at all costs.  Find someone who will share portfolio pictures of overweight people with you so you have an idea what your pictures will look like.  If you want to lose weight for yourself (notice I said for yourself and not for others), there are some really supportive threads here on the bee and some great resources.  However, I am an advocate for “if you aren’t happy with yourself, you can’t be happy with someone else.”  I hope that you will talk to boyfriend and friends about how you feel and maybe seek out some professional counseling to help with your self-confidence (if you are feeling like this all the time as opposed to just some momentary and sporadic insecure feelings).  You said that people are telling you that he isn’t old enough/doesn’t have enough experience to know that he wants to be with you, and that is a little silly and none of their business if you ask me.  My sister’s fiance is much younger than her and has always known exactly what he wanted—her. 

Post # 9
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@MississippiQueen:  Not to mention.. he is a professor, so he will be around college aged girls for the rest of our lives. I’m only getting older.. and today he made a comment about women not being a hot commodity when they hit their 50 mark…. SUCKS!

Post # 10
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MIBEETOWED:  what the eff?!

Post # 11
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Cady:  Elaborate for me? LOL

Post # 12
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MIBEETOWED:  Sorry the 50 remark threw me lol

I am calm now…promise!

Post # 14
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

To all your questions I say NO. Have you talked to your Fiance about how you are feeling?

Post # 15
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

That’s a tough one to answer. I guess the question you need to ask yourself is this:

Will being in this relationship make you feel bad or insecure permanently?

If so, is that how you want to feel or is it something you would like to work on within yourself, with some therapy.*Therapy is awesome btw*

I’m wanting to seek out some for my own insecurities. I’d rather do that then sabotoge our relationship with them. I hope you do the same. He seems like a great catch for you! You deserve happiness and that’s what should be in the front of your mind for your future.

 

Post # 16
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Cady:  Yeah, I didn’t comment to him.. just internally fumed and though “Shit, I think I’m screwed.. or NOT, when I’m 50.” LOL

The topic ‘I don’t even feel happy about this anymore.’ is closed to new replies.

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