- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I signed up to post here because everyone on here seems very kind and supportive.
I guess I’ll tell a little bit about me and my story first. I’m a returning student finishing my last year at the University of Washington’s Foster School of Business. Prior to that, I worked for several years doing accounts payable. I’m now 27. Since returning to school I met a college-aged guy (22) and we’ve been together a little over a year. So, already, I get comments about my being older than him and him not having enough experience to know he wants to be with me.
Now, we talk regularly about getting engaged and he told me he’d like to know what kinds of ring I would like and what size they should be in. I’d never been so excited. I was with an ex for six years and it ended up not ever leading to that so I’m thrilled to find someone who clearly loves so much. I feel very strongly that in the next six months he’ll propose.
Lately, I’ve been looking at Pinterest and reading forums like this, feeling very jazzed about the whole thing. But recently I’ve been increasingly bothered by the fact that again, I’m older than him, and I weigh significantly more. I’m very short (5’1″) and a size 18. He’s 6′ and very slender and athletic. Sometimes I think we’re so mismatched age and weight wise that we’re a joke to other people.
I made the mistake of googling some of these kinds of phrases only to read various posts and outlets where people were talking so horribly about how silly they find couples like us. Photographers asking how they can successfully photograph such a thing without it being a blemish on their portfolio. People remarking about weddings they’d been to where they’d seem something like this and thought it was silly.
I thought finally finding the man of my dreams would make me happy but I’m not. I’m not happy at all. Honestly, I almost want to break up with him before he asks. He could be with someone younger and more beautiful. And our friends and families could approve.
I know love should be the most important thing but sometimes I wonder if it is. I dread the idea of getting engaged and married at this point and I don’t know how I could ever be happy knowing this is what people think and feel.
As much as I love him, I think I ought to leave him, so he can be with someone his own age, someone truly beautiful. I think he deserves that. I don’t even know what lead me to post tonight. Maybe just to hear someone say, “It’ll be okay. Don’t be sad.” I don’t know, really. Maybe because it was just too much to share with friends or family but I was just tired of having the dialogue with myself.
Anyway. I guess I don’t have anything else to say.