- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2018
I have decided that anything wedding related basically turns me into a psycho. I am usually so calm and collected and I’m usually ridiculously laid back. People come to me when they need someone to talk to who won’t get worked up and emotional. It feels like ever since I got myself worked up about the whole “why hasn’t he proposed” shit that I’m just losing my mind. Right now though I feel like I don’t even recognize myself! This year has been crazy with so many things going on; relationship stuff, family, health, work, you name it. I’m done. I just feel so done.
– Yesterday I was getting addresses together for the invitations and I googled how to address the envelopes for certain couples and I realized that we don’t have inner envelopes. That snowballed and I ended up coming to the conclusion that the invitations that I’ve spent a month designing and making are horrible and everyone will remember it as the wedding without inner envelopes. Then I thought about all the things that could go wrong in the wedding and decided why should I even try when it’s gonna suck anyway?!
– I’m planning this wedding alone, and our engagement is 6 months in total. People have offered help and when I have actually taken them up on it, they back out or have something else to do. I thought since it’s a 25-30 person wedding it would be a piece of cake, especially since I’m super organized and successful in my worklife. Nope. It’s one thing after another and who knew such a small wedding took so much planning?!
– Work is stressing me out to the MAX. I’m here all the time, I’m constantly putting out fires that have absolutely nothing to do with me, there’s no accountability from anyone in this company and it’s like dealing with a bunch of 4 year olds fighting over a new toy. Except there’s no toys, it’s just grown adults fighting. I wake up in a shitty mood because I have to come here and I go home feeling sick, tired and with a banging headache. The only time I feel somewhat normal is Friday’s after I leave because I know I can get away for a couple days. I have to force myself to eat while I’m here because the stress of being here is making me sick.
– I picked up my dress on Tuesday, and while I love it and it’s everything I wanted it to be, I couldn’t help but focus on the huge bags under my eyes and how tired and dull (I couldn’t think of a better word) I look. For the first time in my life I felt like I looked old… I’ll be 29 in a few weeks and I’m fine with the age I’m at but I’m starting to feel it and I hate that. I miss my old self 🙁
– I’ve been snapping at my poor fiance non-stop for days. I feel so bad because he hasn’t done anything wrong but yesterday I came home from work (I got home at 4, he was working til 8) and I saw that he made coffee and didn’t clean up after himself and it was like I exploded. I was SO mad at him! I sent him a rude text about it, later of course I felt awful
– I feel like I have no time. I come home from work and I’m exhausted from the day and I’m trying to take care of the dogs, the house, work out, make a healthy dinner, grocery shop, do wedding things, spend time with my fiance, see family and friends, catch up on PVR shows… I used to be able to have no issue getting everything done and once I left work, it was all totally behind me. It’s like I can’t even turn my brain off anymore and I feel like I’m losing it.
Thanks for listening ladies. It feels good to have a place to come to, to get this stuff out!