Post # 1
Well this is a long and complicated story, but the long and short of it is that my Maid/Matron of Honor was already a Maid/Matron of Honor in my first wedding. And then she had her wedding and i was hers. But now we dont even talk. She assumed that she was my Maid/Matron of Honor again and this girl cant even remember my birthday! We have nothing in common and she looks down her nose at me because her parents blew about 50k on her wedding and im NOT gonna spend that much money. We have been friends since high school but she is so self-centered that all she cares about is whats going on in her life and i dont want to cause drama, but im seriously considering doing family-only BMs so i can exclude her!
Another fact that really bothers me is that when me and my first husband split she refused to talk to me. But as soon as i had a ring on my finger she was instantly interested in being a part of my life again. So i went through the hardest part of my life with my best kicking me while i was down. The worst thing about all of this was that me and my first husband decided to split about 5 days after her wedding. When i called to tell her and talk to her about it…she had been married for less than a week and all that time was spent on a beach. Her exact words to me “Marriage is hard…” excuse me. WTF do u know about marriage being hard? You have spent the first week of your marriage in paradise and then you are gonna give me advise about marriage?!! UUGGH!! im so frustrated!!
Post # 3
Don’t have her in your wedding. If she assumes she’s in it, tell her you haven’t decided ona bridal party yet, but you’ll let her know once you do.
Post # 4
Weeeelll, that’s tough. If you don’t mind ruining your friendship with her (which I’m almost positive will happen) then I say you can exclude her. That’s probably going to be an awkward conversation. I do feel though, that your BM’s and Maid/Matron of Honor should care about you and your happiness. It seems as if that’s an after thought to her. I wouldn’t necessarily worry about severing ties, if I were you.
Post # 5
I definitely think you should ask her to step down. Sounds like she was just interested in the thought of you getting married & probably didn’t want to let go of her own wedding, so this is her way of getting involved again. It honestly doesn’t sound like she’s Maid/Matron of Honor worthy, and especially since you guys don’t talk. I’d definitely have a serious talk with her and tell her what’s going on.
Post # 6
I definitely think you need to have her step down…..You should have friends and family in your bridal party who are and have been supportive of you throughout your life….sounds like she did a crappy job of that when you were goign through it with your first husband.
There will be drama, but at least if you take her out of the bridal party now, you can deal with the drama now, as opposed to closer to your wedding.
Post # 7
I don’t think you have to have her in it. Tell her that you haven’t decided or that you are going to have so and so do it instead. Or in conversation, just say something about you Maid/Matron of Honor XX and blah blah blah. Sorry you have to deal with this!
Post # 8
Ask her when your birthday is.
Seriously though, I think it’s perfectly reasonable given this particular history that you let her know that you’ll be having so and so in your bridal party. Why does she think she’s your MOH? Did she just appoint herself or what?
Post # 9
Don’t let her be your Maid/Matron of Honor…life changes and sometimes relationships between people change. Just because she was your bff back then does not mean she should automatically be it now. Do what makes you happy! Besides, the sheer fact that she stopped talking to you after your split with your first hubby is reason enough for you not to ask her again…I hate it when people assume they will be in your wedding!
Post # 10
Have you officially asked her? If not, you have an easy out. Just say that this time around, you’re doing a family-only wedding party, so she won’t be asked to be in the wedding party.
She sounds like a toxic friend that you should slowly separate yourself from anyway.
Post # 11
Have you started planning OFFICIALLY with her? have you asked her? If not then it is an easy no!
It sounds like she isn’t Maid/Matron of Honor worthy and if you arn’t talking now? you’re right, bad sign!
Post # 12
It sounds like you never officially asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor so I think it would be fine to ask her to step down or rather, not step up!! You could either just say that you are having family only or just tell her the truth about how you have grown apart – there is nothing wrong with that
Post # 13
def dont have her as your Maid/Matron of Honor…it doesnt even sound like you want her in the bridal party period! besides…she was already your Maid/Matron of Honor once…is there a family member you can subsitute as MOH? that usually goes over better if you choose family…if not…she may hold a grudge…but you said you dont really talk to her anyways..so not much will change!
Post # 14
I don’t think you should have her as your maid of honor. If she frustrates you this much now, it will only get worse and there is potential she will ruin your special day with her comments. I think you should bite the bullet and be honest with how she has made you feel, you never know, maybe it could reconnect you guys. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, however, stick with telling her you were going to make it family only. That seems like a way that would save on her feelings if you want to protect them, and give you an out so you don’t look rude.
Post # 15
Why put yourself through this? I say life is too short to waste on people that don’t really care about anyone else but themselves. It may sound harsh, but she doesn’t even sound like a person you should invite – why let her be your MOH?
Post # 16
If you asked her to be in your wedding, than I think you’re stuck with her. But, if she’s just assuming, set her straight. The people standing up there with you should be the people who are therefore you on both your happy day and your hardest day! Sorry you have to deal with the drama. Good luck!