(Closed) I dont even talk to my MOH anymore, can i ask her to step down?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Can i ask her to step down?
    yes : (40 votes)
    91 %
    no : (4 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Don’t have her in your wedding. If she assumes she’s in it, tell her you haven’t decided ona bridal party yet, but you’ll let her know once you do.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Weeeelll, that’s tough.  If you don’t mind ruining your friendship with her (which I’m almost positive will happen) then I say you can exclude her.  That’s probably going to be an awkward conversation.  I do feel though, that your BM’s and Maid/Matron of Honor should care about you and your happiness.  It seems as if that’s an after thought to her.  I wouldn’t necessarily worry about severing ties, if I were you. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    2000 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    I definitely think you should ask her to step down. Sounds like she was just interested in the thought of you getting married & probably didn’t want to let go of her own wedding, so this is her way of getting involved again. It honestly doesn’t sound like she’s Maid/Matron of Honor worthy, and especially since you guys don’t talk. I’d definitely have a serious talk with her and tell her what’s going on.

    Post # 6
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I definitely think you need to have her step down…..You should have friends and family in your bridal party who are and have been supportive of you throughout your life….sounds like she did a crappy job of that when you were goign through it with your first husband. 

    There will be drama, but at least if you take her out of the bridal party now, you can deal with the drama now, as opposed to closer to your wedding.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4024 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I don’t think you have to have her in it. Tell her that you haven’t decided or that you are going to have so and so do it instead. Or in conversation, just say something about you Maid/Matron of Honor XX and blah blah blah. Sorry you have to deal with this!

    Post # 8
    Member
    2289 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Ask her when your birthday is. Innocent

    Seriously though, I think it’s perfectly reasonable given this particular history that you let her know that you’ll be having so and so in your bridal party. Why does she think she’s your MOH? Did she just appoint herself or what?

    Post # 9
    Member
    494 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Don’t let her be your Maid/Matron of Honor…life changes and sometimes relationships between people change.  Just because she was your bff back then does not mean she should automatically be it now.  Do what makes you happy!  Besides, the sheer fact that she stopped talking to you after your split with your first hubby is reason enough for you not to ask her again…I hate it when people assume they will be in your wedding!

    Post # 10
    Member
    2015 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Have you officially asked her? If not, you have an easy out. Just say that this time around, you’re doing a family-only wedding party, so she won’t be asked to be in the wedding party.

    She sounds like a toxic friend that you should slowly separate yourself from anyway.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5154 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Have you started planning OFFICIALLY with her? have you asked her? If not then it is an easy no!

    It sounds like she isn’t Maid/Matron of Honor worthy and if you arn’t talking now? you’re right, bad sign!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    It sounds like you never officially asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor so I think it would be fine to ask her to step down or rather, not step up!! You could either just say that you are having family only or just tell her the truth about how you have grown apart – there is nothing wrong with that

    Post # 13
    Member
    2054 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    def dont have her as your Maid/Matron of Honor…it doesnt even sound like you want her in the bridal party period! besides…she was already your Maid/Matron of Honor once…is there a family member you can subsitute as MOH? that usually goes over better if you choose family…if not…she may hold a grudge…but you said you dont really talk to her anyways..so not much will change!

    Post # 14
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I don’t think you should have her as your maid of honor. If she frustrates you this much now, it will only get worse and there is potential she will ruin your special day with her comments. I think you should bite the bullet and be honest with how she has made you feel, you never know, maybe it could reconnect you guys. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, however, stick with telling her you were going to make it family only. That seems like a way that would save on her feelings if you want to protect them, and give you an out so you don’t look rude.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1317 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Why put yourself through this? I say life is too short to waste on people that don’t really care about anyone else but themselves. It may sound harsh, but she doesn’t even sound like a person you should invite – why let her be your MOH?

    Post # 16
    Member
    372 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    If you asked her to be in your wedding, than I think you’re stuck with her.  But, if she’s just assuming, set her straight.  The people standing up  there with you should be the people who are therefore you on both your happy day and your hardest day!  Sorry  you have to deal with the drama.  Good luck!

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