Post # 1
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
I am somehow confused. Me and my partner have been dating since 7.5 years. I am 28, he is 29. We live together since 4 years. Most of our friends are our age – late 20ies, early 30ies and also have been unmarried in longterm relationships. Lately more and more of those friends get engaged. Not only those in the longterm relationships, but also friends who have only been dating since 1-3 years. Seriously, right now my facebook feed is only about engagements, bachelorette parties and weddings.
The thing is, I actually thought I have no urge to get married. At all. However, I start to worry about the state of our relationship and if we are wasting our time with each other. Apparently we are lacking something that all those couples have, who decided to take the next step and get married. I mean I know we love each other, but I don’t think it is normal to not consider at all to move forward in the relationship. Somehow it hurts my feelings, that he doesn’t want to marry me, altough I don’t even want to get married. Sounds bizarre, I know.
I also slowely start to feel my age, I mean I don’t feel “careless, early twenties, I have all the time in the world” any more. But he does. And this is actually the main point that worries me. Everything that we vaguely discuss is “in a couple of years”-be it possible children, investments, living situation, travelling. But I am almost sure that in 5 years from now we will still talk “in a few years” about all those things. I just would like to know where I am going with my life and I want to be somehow settled when I am in my 30ies. Seriously, sometimes I think that we are one of those couples who date for 10 years, and marriage and children never happen, then we break up and both of us have it all within 1-2 years with the new partner.
Maybe we are really lacking something, and maybe with a different man I would want to have it all, like definitely, and not maybe, in a couple of years, let’s see…
Is anybody in a similiar situation? I somehow have a hard time picturing myself being married to him and having a familiy with him. Isn’t this after so many years of dating even normal? Altough I am just 28 (or already) I feel like this is an age where people should know these kind of things, especially after dating for so long.
Post # 3
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
I know people who have no plans of getting married. Or others that were together 15 years before they suddenly (Randomly?) decided to get married.
Do YOU want to be married? if you want to get married and can’t imagine getting married to him, then yeah, maybe you need to rethink things.
If that’s not the case: As long as the two of you are on the same page/timeline/not getting antsy, I wouldn’t worry about it. Getting married isn’t for everyone. Have you guys talked about it? I would at least talk about it. I’m pretty sure my friends who aren’t going to get married decided they weren’t around age 30 (they have financial and CBC reasons that they don’t think they need to).
I’m 29 and I have known I’m ok getting married and that it’s a step I’ll eventually take with some guy when it’s right. I’ve always been able to kinda sort of (at least play at) imagining being married. Sometimes I had concerns (like, am I going to be his mother?!?). Sometimes it wasn’t married life I couldn’t imagine, but my own personal growth. It just so happens that it all came together so I can gte married this year to someone I can both imagine growing with and living with. I dunno. Don’t force it? Decide what your prioirities are without him in the picture and then see if he fits in what you want?
I agree with you that’s it’s freaky how all those “in the future” things suddenly should probably get one in the next 4 years or so. How am I going to fit that around my life?!?! Mystery.
But yeah. I’m marrying a dude who hunts and likes to butcher things and is going to have ‘making bacon’ as his first project while we live together. I laugh and wonder about the probability that I’m going to be a vegetarian by the end of the year. But regardless, I love and respect him and think we can work it all out, both daily and yearly.
Good luck!
Post # 4
Member
13 posts
Newbee
My last relationship lasted 7 years. We started living together after about 6 months. We bought a house together 1 year into the relationship. We loved each other, but looking back, I don’t think we were “in love”. We stayed together mainly because we thought that was the right thing to do. I never cared about getting married or having kids and he never mentioned it either. We had some good times, but toward the end it was mostly bad. I ended things because I felt like we were wasting the best years of each other’s lives. We just weren’t meant to be together forever. The feeling was mutual.
I started seeing my BF shortly after and we’ve been together for 4 years next week! I am happier than I’ve ever been! Suddenly getting married and starting a family are important to me. My ex started dating a mutual friend from high school. He is now engaged and has a daughter. I truly feel that it was the best decision I ever made. My gut kept telling me that we just weren’t supposed to be together.
If you’re having any doubts, you should definitely take a while to really examine your relationship and what you want. Are you happy? Would you resent him if you two never got married? Would you have any regrets? You need to be a little selfish right now, afterall this is YOUR life. Just think about it. You may decide that you want to grow old with him or that it might be time to move on. Good luck!