(Closed) I don't even want to get married…longterm relationship

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know people who have no plans of getting married. Or others that were together 15 years before they suddenly (Randomly?) decided to get married.

Do YOU want to be married? if you want to get married and can’t imagine getting married to him, then yeah, maybe you need to rethink things.

If that’s not the case: As long as the two of you are on the same page/timeline/not getting antsy, I wouldn’t worry about it. Getting married isn’t for everyone. Have you guys talked about it? I would at least talk about it. I’m pretty sure my friends who aren’t going to get married decided they weren’t around age 30 (they have financial and CBC reasons that they don’t think they need to).

I’m 29 and I have known I’m ok getting married and that it’s a step I’ll eventually take with some guy when it’s right. I’ve always been able to kinda sort of (at least play at) imagining being married. Sometimes I had concerns (like, am I going to be his mother?!?). Sometimes it wasn’t married life I couldn’t imagine, but my own personal growth. It just so happens that it all came together so I can gte married this year to someone I can both imagine growing with and living with. I dunno. Don’t force it? Decide what your prioirities are without him in the picture and then see if he fits in what you want?

I agree with you that’s it’s freaky how all those “in the future” things suddenly should probably get one in the next 4 years or so. How am I going to fit that around my life?!?! Mystery.

But yeah. I’m marrying a dude who hunts and likes to butcher things and is going to have ‘making bacon’ as his first project while we live together. I laugh and wonder about the probability that I’m going to be a vegetarian by the end of the year. But regardless, I love and respect him and think we can work it all out, both daily and yearly.

Good luck!

Post # 4
13 posts
  • Wedding: November 2014

My last relationship lasted 7 years. We started living together after about 6 months. We bought a house together 1 year into the relationship. We loved each other, but looking back, I don’t think we were “in love”. We stayed together mainly because we thought that was the right thing to do. I never cared about getting married or having kids and he never mentioned it either. We had some good times, but toward the end it was mostly bad. I ended things because I felt like we were wasting the best years of each other’s lives. We just weren’t meant to be together forever. The feeling was mutual.

I started seeing my BF shortly after and we’ve been together for 4 years next week! I am happier than I’ve ever been! Suddenly getting married and starting a family are important to me. My ex started dating a mutual friend from high school. He is now engaged and has a daughter. I truly feel that it was the best decision I ever made. My gut kept telling me that we just weren’t supposed to be together.

If you’re having any doubts, you should definitely take a while to really examine your relationship and what you want. Are you happy? Would you resent him if you two never got married? Would you have any regrets? You need to be a little selfish right now, afterall this is YOUR life. Just think about it. You may decide that you want to grow old with him or that it might be time to move on. Good luck!

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