I don’t feel like a newlywed at all :(( (very long)

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t really think I felt particularly different as a newlywed than I had as a girlfriend. I admit that part of your problem may be that you don’t feel enough people acknowledged your wedding and new status. And having a big gathering for the wedding can have a big impact on that simply because everyone is gathered around on the big day and you get to hear the “Congratulations” and feel the hugs and kisses. I can also see the appeal of having a quiet, private wedding in order to focus on what you mean to each other and the never ending commitment you are making to each other and get away from the grandeur of a wedding.

 

I don’t know that honeymoon will make it better, but maybe a party might. I’ve been to a few “hey, we went on vacation to get married and now we’re home” parties and they were a lot of fun. I’ve always taken presents and cards to those. I don’t think it’s been too long to still have one. 

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

We also lived together before we got married, so I understand that things really don’t change all that much.

I did have the wedding I wanted and planned, and although I loved it and thought it was a great night, I don’t think it will be the most amazing night of my life. I’m assuming that night will be the birth of my child/children.

We also had a honeymoon just the two of us which was great, but I had to spend half of it locked up in the room with a migraine. Nothing seems to work out as planned in life, but that’s just life. What about camping for a minimoon? It’s very cheap, maybe you can borrow some supplies if you don’t have any, and you can make all your own meals. Or maybe you can have a romantic weekend at home. Rent some good movies, cook a nice meal, etc.

I don’t think the wedding or honeymoon made me feel like a newlywed, it was just knowing that my husband and I made a life long commitment to each other.

Post # 5
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Sometimes our expectations can get in the way of reality. I think you need to find out what you are really missing (what is that feeling) and figure out how to get it. You can’t go back a relive it, but you can create something new.

I know money is tight, but can you do something like start saving for a big party. Even if you can do $50-$100 per month, at least you’d have a goal and something to strive for. Maybe for your one year anniversary, you can have a big party and invite everyone to celebrate your marriage.

Post # 6
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

We couldn’t afford our dream honeymoon and I was really sad about that for a long time (still am, when I read about dream honeymoons on WB).  But, that was our reality.  In those times, I try to focus on building our life together and any future trips we’ll take together.  I know I will never be able to recreate what could have been felt on our honeymoon – but, if anything, I’m trusting that future vacations will still have that romance because the depth of our love for each other.

It sounds like you are seeking the joy and excitement you feel you should have felt on the wedding day.  Perhaps that can be recreated with a little celebration with invites to your friends and family – but, it sounds like that can’t happen financially.  My suggestion is to try to save up for it and do an anniversary party.  All the anniversary parties I’ve ever been too have been such a wonderful celebration.

I do think there might be some truth about what your husband is telling you.  If you focus on the negatives, it won’t get better.  Try to focus on the positive things (the commitment the love your life just made to you) and continuing to create a beautiful life together.

Feeling un-newlywed IS part of the post-wedding experience, IMO – but, that doesn’t mean life has to be boring or un-sexy/romantic!!!!

 

 

Post # 7
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That’s precisely why we decided it wouldn’t be too bad not living together before marriage (we had reasons that kept us from doing so)..but i have to ask..would you rather feel “like newlyweds” or had those years of living together?  I just wanted to point to you look at that so you might feel better.  For me..if thing weren’t in the way..i would have loved to live together with my hubby…cuz now we’re married and still living apart.  =( Have you tried finding time to go on a minimoon and just enjoy some alone time? I hope one or two day away may help you feel better.  We’ve been married legally for 3 months and have not only spent weekends together. =( 

Post # 8
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What if you plan a reception and honeymoon for your 1 year anniversary? A lot of people have receptions at home after destination weddings. And this way it would feel special because it’s your anniversary plus you’d have time to save.

Maybe people aren’t having huge reactions because they weren’t included? They might not realize how spur of the moment it was. But either way, you’re married! Enjoy it!

Post # 10
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Usuki:  if you aren’t getting enough sleep that could be 99% of your problem right there.  🙁  Sleep affects everything, IMO.  I have a friend who works nights and she invested in some blackout curtains and that helped her tremendously.  

I’m also a strong believe in fake it til you make it.  I know you may not feel like being positive, but maybe just stop vocalizing it, when it’s negative, and – if you want to take it a step further: forcing yourself to say something positive instead.   

Post # 11
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m so sorry you feel sad and disappointed. Things will be okay, I promise. 

My Darling Husband and I also had a not-so-good honeymoon. One day we hope to take 2nd honeymoon/make it up, even if it’s with a baby/little one. We did recently go on a getaway during my springbreak(I’m a teacher) and that kind of made up for it a little, but it was local(same state), and I am talking about going on a real 2nd honeymoon someday to a tropical place, etc. I think at first, I really wanted to go right away too, like you. But that has died down especially since I just made up for it by going to Palm Springs and lounging by a pool/seeing sites there/relaxing etc. However, even if it’s 2 years from now I want a 2nd honeymoon to makeup for our disasterous time. It was still special since it was our honeymoon, but it could’ve been a lot better!

Also, I unfortunately don’t really remember much of my own wedding night. After our reception(and I had a bit of alcohol in my system), we drank more as an afterparty in DH’s parents’ room with my BIL and his girlfriend. We then went to the hotel lobby and hungout. I basically blacked out that night. We didn’t have a romantic time that night. 

We got ourselves out of our little ruts by still going out on dates often and being romantic at home, and doing things that remind us of the beginning of our relationship more. This helps:)

Hope you feel better:)

Post # 12
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Even though you think everyone had lousy reactions to your wedding, I still think you should throw a party for it.  People will come and that will make you feel better.  Being a newlywed isn’t just about people acknowledging your marriage, but it’s about you and your husband knowing that you are married.  Enjoy the time with your husband.  Don’t let other reactions bring you down.

Also, plan for a honeymoon for a later date.  My Darling Husband and I weren’t going to go on a honeymoon until my parents gave us our wedding gift in advance, which was money.  They wanted us to go on one.  So we did and it wasn’t the greatest.  We took a cruise that we had already been on before, we were both sick and it rained most of the trip.  We were in bed every night at 9 because we felt awful.  It wasn’t my dream honeymoon and I’m disappointed that we didn’t take that money and save it for a better vacation.  But, it is what it is.  We will go on a better one some other time, even if we have kids then. 

It will get better, but you have to let it get better.  Don’t focus on what others are saying and don’t focus on the past.  Focus on your future with your Darling Husband and enjoy just being married. 

Post # 13
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Don’t feel bad.  I don’t think that most couples have this amazing romantic night on the wedding night.  People forget that you are up a long time and possibly drinking which all put a hamper on romantic fun.

My husband and I didn’t have a honeymoon either.  I think the two of you need to take a weekend away together.  Really there isn’t much different being married when you have been together that long (we have been together for 8 years now) but it’s still good to be married.

Post # 14
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m sorry you are feeling this way 🙁

I hope you can get to take that honeymoon sooner rather than later

Post # 15
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I feel for you because I know exactly where you’re coming from. I worked all the way up until the day of my wedding, I even put in OVERTIME the day before. We got married Saturday, I worked my second job on Sunday and Monday we both went back to work. We had our honeymoon a week later, but I had food poisoning the whole time. We got back from our honeymoon and 4 weeks later we found out I was pregnant. We haven’t had ANY time to just feel like newlyweds. I work a M-F job and a weekend job. We get no time together, but we need the money. And having the kid is just going to make things more stressful. I feel like we haven’t been able to just relax since we started planning our wedding back in 2009 because we haven’t. 

Take this time to take another vacation or have a date night….something where it’s just you two. 

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