Post # 1
Usually when a couple announces that they are expecting you feel joy and happiness for them. I found out this weekend that a couple who we are friends with is pregnant, but all I felt was worry instead of excitement. For the sake of not naming names we will call this couple Jack and Jane.
Darling Husband and I became friends with this couple because Jack and my Darling Husband have mutual friends. Over the past couple of years we have all hung out and taken part in birthdays, dinners, parties, some holidays etc., but we haven’t become overly close.
My issue with this pregnancy is that I know a horrible, life destroying, secret that everyone is keeping from Jane. I feel like this should be written in a book and not in our lives. Part of me feels like it’s not possible for her to be completely oblivious, but another part of me sees how innocent and trusting she is that I wonder…
The problem I am talking about is Jack’s addiction to cocaine. I work in a healthcare and safety orientated feild so it’s my job to know the signs of an addiction. At first I thought I was being irrational, until it became very obvious what was going on. Jack started out with doing it socially. I know this because unfortunately DH’s little brother has often gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd (some of you may remember the other posts..)and he has told me of numerous times where the two of them have snuck off during a get together or party to go do a couple lines. Jack’s social use soon turned to something worse as he started getting tangled up in lies and spending the night at friend’s houses when he is supposed to be at “work.” I went over to our best man’s house one morning to pick up some gardening supplies and there was Jack on the couch in the garage. He was startled to see me especially since he was supposed to be at “work,” but was instead looking like a mess and completely strung out. Darling Husband and I had to draw the line one night when he came over for some beers, but had actually brought over some cocaine and tried to get Darling Husband to do some with him. He threw a bag on my kitchen counter, very obviously under the influence, when we had kids sleeping in the next room. I was mortified and we have not hung out with him since.
In the meantime I have been so worried about Jane. I have been really torn on whether or not to bring up the issue. Part of me knows that he needs help, but the other side of it is me feeling like I am sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. Now that I found out they are expecting I am even more upset. My hands are tied. I have no proof other than hear-say and my own word. These are things she is not going to want to hear especially when she’s pregnant. I also wonder if she suspects it. I honestly think she has no clue. I’m worried what will happen to the baby if he can’t kick this habit and he is supposed to care for him/her. At this point I am staying out of it, but it’s really a point of stress in my life. I feel so bad for Jane 🙁
I apologize for how long this is, but I needed to get it all out!
Post # 3
I know people like this. it is a sad reality. Deep down she must know something is not right with her man. You can clearly see the signs and clues like powder on counters in the house left behind from lines. Sometimes it is easier just to push those thoughts out and see the good in a person rather than the bad. It’s really up to her to bring the topic up if she feels open enough to talk to you about something like this. I wouldn’t get involved unless they want you to be. Sometimes it’s best just to let people keep living there lives as much as it might bother you.
Post # 4
I think if you are really convinced that you need to say something, the best thing you could do is send Jane an anonymous letter explaining the situation. Send it in the mail from a town other than your own and write it all down. It could start some conversation between them.
Post # 5
I think the person that would need to be confronted would first be Jack… your Darling Husband and you should do it together, definitely not you on your own. Ultimately you would want it to be he himself to come clean and let his wife know he needs helps.
I would then make sure he knows that if it gets worse or he doesn’t get come into the open about it and seek help that you would HAVE to let Jane know… having nothing against their marraige but b/c the use of drugs has no place in a family.. where a child could get hurt or worse KILLED b/c of it being there.
I would also do ALOT of praying! That you would have the words to say and that they would be received covered in LOVE and not condemnation. That your heart to see this family stay together and grow would be the only thing seen by Jack and that strife would have NO place in the conversation, but that Jack’s eyes and heart would be open and soft and be strengthened to know that there is a way better than the way he’s been living.
Otherwise I don’t have much more to say… will definitely be praying for you and your friends 😉
Post # 6
I have a feeling that things have taken a turn for the worse and it’s only a matter of time before she finds out. My main concern is her finding out in a terrible way and jeoprodizing her pregnancy from the stress. At the same time I would feel terrible if I myself was the cause of the stress from telling her.
I think for now I am going to stay out of it. As a professional I will have to draw the line if I find out it later affects their child. I would never be able to live with myself if I stood by and watched something like that, plus I feel a legal obligation to keep the child safe. She would never endager her child though and I think if it came down to it she would leave him over something like this. People surprise you when they are deeply in love though. It really saddens me, but it’s honestly not my place to step in.
Post # 7
I am usually an advocate of voicing your concerns in a situation like this. If you do choose to speak to Jane, I think you should be ready for her to react negatively and not be very receptive – after all, this is a hard truth to hear! Jack would also likely find out and be furious at you and your husband. If you want to avoid this, anonymous letter may be the way to go. I do think, no matter how you deliver this message, it would be helpful to Jane to learn about it, and maybe even have her existing suspicions confirmed so that the two of them can start working this out.
Post # 8
Wait wait WAIT. So everyone knows Jack is addicted to coke, but NO ONE HAS BOTHERED TO TELL JANE?
That’s not a secret you keep. Not. At All.