Hello all! I’d like to thank you for all the replies and honesty. I have to admit some of them were a little hard to read, but I did take everything into consideration and put much thought into it. So thank you.
Divorce is not an option here. I just wanted to get that straight.
And of course, I’m holding off on TTC (which I had to google to find out that it means Trying To Conceive lol). – I won’t bring ANY kids into a situation that I don’t feel comfortable with. Ever. Then I’d rather NOT have them.
I don’t know if he maybe wasn’t ready to be married… the more I think about it, the more I feel maybe he wasn’t.
I did speak to him this week, honestly and gently. I could tell he took more offense to it and became defensive, so I just ended the topic on a thoughtful note and hoped he’d think about it. Which he did…
So after talking to him… He decided he’d like to be more open with me and shared something disturbing with me. Remember on New Years? We were sitting and chatting with the group at a table, which eventually ended up being just the couple sitting there and then just my husband with this woman (me sitting very invisible next to him). Somewhere, while the couple was sitting there (before it was just the woman alone) – I went to the bathroom or something, I wasn’t at the table at that time, but he had two puffs of their JOINT. – Yes, this I found out last night when we went out for dinner. I was shocked.
Look I know he smoked it before when he was younger, but one or two puffs just to try it. Nothing serious. We all did it… (except me). But, he did it behind his wife’s back this time…. and then ended up having long meaningful conversations with another woman while his wife is sitting next to him looking like an idiot.
THEN, he told me that about two years ago he had two puffs of his nephew’s joint one evening when we were visiting there. His nephew’s wife and I went to bed early… and they lit a joint.
He explained to me that he only did it twice in two years and that he’d only taken two puffs. I don’t like this. Yes, you get couples/people who re-live their youth once a year with a “spiffy” but that’s not me. I’m a VERY responsible person. I’m an adult… I want to have kids and build a life! And I don’t feel guilty for having strong values. I’m shocked. I’m disappointed. Honestly, I don’t want to have kids at all anymore.
We have another couple that is friends with us, the wife is VERY ‘open-minded’ about things. My husband told me that his friend asked if he wanted to puff a joint with him. At that time my husband wasn’t in the mood so he said no. BUT, before this guy lit the smoke, he said he had to ask his wife first… She said “sure, go for it”. They have a two-year-old. I’m sorry but that’s not the kind of father I want for my child. That’s not the kind of husband I want.
He told me that he’s got one life, and he’s planning on enjoying it. He said if the occasion arises once every two years, that yes, he will have a puff or two. And that’s it. He’s not planning on doing it every weekend. But I don’t like it. I felt completely blindsided. I feel like he did these things behind my back, and now what we’re married, he can tell me because – well we’re married.
We need couples counseling or something. Like really.
I could do what @xdanielle said and give him the impression that I can and will leave if I want (which is a VERY last resort) – but what if he catches my bluff? That’s a bit of a risk. But I will, however, show him that I don’t depend on him or trust him (I’ll trust him when he gives me enough reason to). I’m taking my own car when we go out (he HATES that idea) and I’ll make my own arrangements for travel and accommodation.
PS (edit): Okay, about the nephew and friend with the joint… They are not the kind of people you’d expect this from. Both are serious businessmen, respectable etc… We don’t hang around the kind of people who pulls up joints or any kind of drug like it’s a cup of coffee or something… I just wanted to straighten that out…