(Closed) I dont get along with my inlaws and I want to cancel our reception

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Depending on where they are from, saying no to the reception may be extremely insulting and offensive.  Its terrible that they are very opinionated and controlling in your home, but they probably see it as they are the elders and should be respected, listened to etc. no matter what.

How long are they staying? Any chance you could suggest a hotel room????

I  wish I had more helpful advice for you…

Post # 4
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

May I ask what part of the world they’re from? Sometimes clash of cultures can be challenging at first. Something that’s not a big deal to you at all may be something very offensive to them and vice versa. However; time, some understanding and tolerance goes a long way. I would keep an open mind and tell yourself that they mean well, just maybe somethings inadvertently came out wrong, and it’s just a new and difficult experience for them as well. If they’re throwing you a reception in their country it means they’re welcoming you into the family with open arms, and that’s not a small gesture. I would just give it time but don’t shut them out. Maybe try to learn more about their culture…A big part of the work belongs to your Fiance as well, he knows both his family and you better than anyone and he has to make the effort to ease both parties into this. Meanwhile just think these people will be part of the rest of your life. and that the effort you put into yout relationship with them is worthwhile.

Post # 5
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@meliss: You said it better than I did. I very much agree.

Post # 6
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sounds stressfull, definitely sounds like a clash of different cultures.  They also sound very overbearing.  You will have to give it a lot of thought. 

Post # 7
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think if you and your fiancé are both on board with this decision he should be the one to talk to them, thank them for the offer to throw the reception, but say that the two of you decided not to attend. The reception sounds like it will be completely for the in-laws anyway – in their country, with their friends etc. And if they don’t even try to get along then why are they doing this? to show off to their friends?

It’s one thing to go through the motions for people you both love and who love you back, but here it sounds as if nobody enjoys each other’s company much..so what’s the point? In cases like this maybe minimal contact is best.

If you do decide to go, don’t stay with them and limit contact. And try to tell yourself whatever it is, it will be over soon!

And there is of course the chance that there is miscommunication, but in that case I would think your fiancé and SIL would have tried to explain and take the in-laws side. If they both agree with you I think your in-laws just might be difficult…

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