(Closed) I don’t get it

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s true. If you do nothing but talk about engagement/ring/wedding, that’s all he’s going to think you care about. 

Post # 4
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with you that too many women overlook the commitment they have because it lacks a ring. Marriage doesn’t give you anything you don’t already have.

My husband and I have talked about this, and even though he 100% initiated the engagement, he has flat out said if I had bugged him for a ring he never would have proposed because he didn’t want to marry someone who was worried that only a ring = a commitment. 

p.s. you are probably going to ruffle a lot of feathers with this post, but I agree with you.

Post # 6
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I agree. Fiance and I didn’t start talking about a ring until AFTER we got engaged. Fiance told me he appreciated me not talking about it while we were dating and while all of our friends were getting engaged because he wouldn’t have proposed if he thought I just wanted the ring.

Post # 7
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

That is very true. I knew I wanted to marry my Fiance a long time ago but I never mentioned it and he proposed. I never even expected it! We had only talked about weddings once and that was when we first started dating when he showed me the videos of his brothers wedding and his sisters wedding. We talked about what we would want and he proposed about 7 months later. It makes it better when you know you didn’t have to convince him to do it. lol

Post # 8
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

haha, i think my Fiance knew that i was not with him only for the ring. but since we got engaged, well i hope he has no regrets now that he sees how wedding-obsessed i have become!  i think he thinks i will calm down after the wedding. and i will. i think.

Post # 9
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree. I think that a man will not want to propose if u lay the pressure on. There was a point in my relationship that I had started to do that. It caused many fights and then one day I decided not to bring it up again. It did take awhile we did not discuss rings/weddings etc for about 8-12 months then he was ready and did it on his own without the pressure he has told me that if things had continued the way they had been we may not have ever gotten engaged because he felt I was trying to push him and that I cared more about being married and having a wedding than anything else. If he is gonna do it he will. There is no point in nagging it never helps….

Post # 10
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Totally agree… on of my SO’s good friends just broke up with his gf of over 4 years because of the whining.  Guy had bought the ring and everything, but girl just wouldn’t let up with the whining, crying, and nagging… on the flippin DAILY.  It’s stupid.

I usually never say never about anything.. but one thing I do know for sure is that I will NEVER beg a man to marry me.  I am much too FOXXY & far too good of a catch for all that nonsense, LoL.

I definitely don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting them know what you want, but constant reminders are not necessary.  I made my needs/wants clearly known early on in my relationship… I don’t have a need to constantly bring the subject up.  He knows what I want.. and he also knows that if my needs aren’t fulfilled (within a reasonable amount of time, of course) then I will leave. No whining, no begging.  Just a simple discussion and goodbye.  We are adults and frankly, I just don’t have time for it, LoL.

Post # 11
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I totally agree, I waited so patiently for the engagement to happen because I always knew it would happen, I just had to be patient. The commitment was there and that is what mattered the most. My Fiance told me that he came to the realization a long time ago that he wanted to marry me, but just wanted everything to be right. 

Post # 12
297 posts
Helper bee

@MsFoxxy: “I will NEVER beg a man to marry me.  I am much too FOXXY & far too good of a catch for all that nonsense.”  LOVE THAT.  I come from that same school of thought as well.  Once in awhile something will trigger me to get anxious for a proposal, but then I’ll just look over at Boyfriend or Best Friend and what we’ve got and smile.  Will there be a breaking point someday?  Perhaps.  But things need to develop organically without all the pressure and stuff like that, and when I do get “weak” persay, I’ll think of that quote!!! 🙂

Post # 13
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@gabrielleelise1981:  “Marriage doesn’t give you anything you don’t already have.”

I absolutely disagree with this.  Marriage is a real commitment and it takes your relationship to another level. 

I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman stating what she wants and expects.  No, you shouldn’t hound your SO for a ring but it would be foolish to just sit silently and never have a conversation about what you want and ensure you’re both on the same page.

Post # 14
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Sunflower–girl: Whilst I agree with your overall conclusions, I feel that I have to point out that many of the ladies on hear use Weddingbee as a place to vent.

This is where they are at their most extreme emotionally. As a result, we are not seeing a true picture of how they act at home, many are waiting patiently, but use Weddingbee as an outlet in order to continue waiting patiently. 

Post # 15
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Tickles-I didn’t know exactly what to say, or if I even wanted to reply to this, but I agree with you here-As a result, we are not seeing a true picture of how they act at home, many are waiting patiently, but use Weddingbee as an outlet in order to continue waiting patiently.

Post # 16
1339 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think any of the women in here have lives that are revolving around getting a ring. 

And I agree with Tickles.  This is a place where we can come when we are emotionally vulnerable and irritated and need to vent.

While I get your point, we aren’t perfect and some of us want marriage very badly and it can be emotional.  I’m not going to feel bad about slipping and getting upset about it.

Kudos to those who are able to keep their cool and not say anything.

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