Post # 1
THIS IS STRESSING ME OUT SO MUCH!
I just got engaged a few months back. My 2 best friends that I had in college (that were like my sisters) are not there for me anymore. They both were secretely never really happy for my relationship with my now fiance (they kept comparing their failed relationships to mine and I never realized back then that they were not happy for me). I was always there for them thru every fight they had with their guys and giving them my advise as a friend that cared about them. Too much stuff happened in the last year. So I moved away for school and then came back. Very long story short to one of them I don’t talk AT ALL anymore and the other has hurt me so many times that I feel like crying when I think about how much I used to care about her.
My family and i have moved a lot. Changed 2 middle schools, 4 high schools 3 colleges and have lived in 4 different countries my whole life (I am 23 now). I’ve always had friends, but due to moving so much and life and people changing as we get older we haven’t really kept in contact. The 2 friends that I already told you about were the only ones that where in my life while I met my fiancee.
2 other friends that i was considering for bridesmaids one moved and had a baby and the other one doesn’t know where she will be one year from now.
So right now I have 2 bridesmaids that will be there for sure(my fiancees SISTERS…I like them a lot. I would have wanted them to be my bridesmaids no matter how many good friends I had) 2 bridesmaids that I can’t count on because I don’t even know if they are comming and NO MAID OF HONOR 🙁 it makes me really sad 🙁 My fiance is waiting for me to give him the number of the ladies on my side so he can chose his.
Post # 3
I am really sorry this time of your life has some sorrow instead of all happiness. Do you have a guy friend you would like to stand for you?
Are you close with your mom? I have heard of people having mom’s aunts etc be their Maid/Matron of Honor. Also you dont have to have an Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 4
The numbers don’t have to be even at all. He could have 4 guys and do 2 guys to each girl or any combination you come up with. Also, don’t feel bad you don’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor. Many people have people in their bridal party who don’t do anything with or for them which just stresses them out more.
Post # 5
This is not going to help in anyway, shape or form…
Don’t worry. It really stinks to not have that experience of you and your BFF from forever sharing in wedding prep stuff. I wouldn’t include the two BMs that aren’t sure just yet. I don’t want you to be upset if they change their minds. The good news is, you have a little time. Not a whole lot, and it goes like lightening. Why not table the matter until around or after the holidays?
(One other crazy left field thought…would it be so horrible to not have a maid of honor? An Maid/Matron of Honor is basically the head bridesmaid, if his sisters are up to the task, especially considering they’ll be your sisters too, make lemonade from your lemon basket.)
::HUGS:: and good luck.
Post # 6
i know it feels sucky. but think of it like this. before you got engaged were you thinking about all these people in this way? or were just happy with your life the way it was? the bridal is an important part of the wedding if you want it to be. but it doesn’t have to be the end all of the wedding. i have been stressing for kind of opposite reasons. My Fiance is similar to you. he has moved around a lot and has not maintained super close male friendships. so i basically chose his 2 groomsmen: MY brother in law (my sisters husband) and HIS nephew (who will be like 16 when we get married). thats all he’s got. weird thing is, it was bothering me more than him. i have 5 BMs, plus i asked his niece to be a junior Bridesmaid or Best Man. so my bridal party is ridiculously uneven. and since i realized that HE doesn;t care, i decided there i dont either. no need to push to have people up there just for the sake of having people – he said he would feel weirder having people he is not close to up there over having no one. you have 2 people you want already. you don’t NEED an official Maid/Matron of Honor – that’s just tradition. but how many wedding traditions are really kept nowadays? to each her own. you just gotta do your wedding how it works best for you and your Fiance and then whatever you have IS the way it is supposed to be. No one will care or think it should be any different.
Post # 7
do you have family members you can ask? My FI’s best man is his father. You could have your mom if you want to! My mom had her mom (my gma) as her maid of honor when she married my step dad. My maid of honor is actually a guy – there are no rules anymore, so you could have ANYONE you want – hell, even a pet!
Post # 8
hahaha bunnyfoofoo can I really have a pet?
The thing is that most of my family is back in Europe. I don’t have any cousins here. I’m not sure I would like my mom being Maid/Matron of Honor.
I might consider the posibility of having 2 bridesmaids and no maid of honor and he can have 4 groomsmen on his side. I kind of like that idea never thought about it.
before you got engaged were you thinking about all these people in this way? or were just happy with your life the way it was?
I was just happy with my life the way it was 🙂 For the last 3 years my boyfriend has been my best friend (lol i know i sound cheesy, but it is true ). I have friends and people I hang out with in the weekends, but nobody that I grew up with or that I am really close with that I feel deserves to be my maid of honor. I don’t just want to have random ppl up there with me just to seem like I have lots of friends, but also it kind of bothers me what his sisters might think.
When I wrote this post I was really bothered by the whole situation. I should just be happy and look forward to being married to the guy of my dreams instead of worrying about stuff that in the long run wont really matter 🙂
Thank you for your replies they did help me a lot so far.
Post # 9
A year until your wedding, i think you need to make some friend or ask some cousins. Maybe your Future Sister-In-Law can be your Maid/Matron of Honor since you will be sisters soon.
Post # 10
by the way, i was in a wedding recently with no maid of honor. just 3 bridesmaids, and the groom had his best man and 2 GMs. in terms of speeches, my friend elected me as “chief bridesmaid” and so i did a speech and walked with the best man. she just didnt want to pick one of us over the others (although i guess she picked me in way). anyway, my point was it really doesnt matter. i have been to another wedding where the Maid/Matron of Honor and another Bridesmaid or Best Man each did their own speech. and some weddings where the Maid/Matron of Honor was there, but did not do a speech. so when you get to figuring that stuff out too, you can either opt for less speeches or ask both your BMs to do a joint speech? or maybe one will be comfortable with public speaking than the other and the choice will be made for you! because of my FIs situation, i don’t think he will have either of my chosen GMs do a speech at all! but thats ok!
Post # 11
You mentioned a friend that moved/had a baby and one who doesn’t know where she will be. Your wedding party does not all have to be local! Two of my bridesmaids live in NY and OH, and I live in PA. It can work out. I agree that there is nothing wrong with not having an Maid/Matron of Honor, and there is no rule that both sides of the bridal party have to balance each other. Good luck and I really hope your situation improves!!
Post # 12
I second both the no need to have a Maid/Matron of Honor and that BMs do not have to be local. At least, that’s how I’m going about it.
The Best Man is FH’s brother so that was a no-brainer for him. The two other GMs are both in Texas. Mine are from PA and TN so they will be travelling (as will most of the guests). I didn’t want to pick favorites so they are all equal and the order is determined by height or what color dress they choose. Initally I had some opposition from my mother as she didn’t think it would work but she realized that it will still look nice and they all support me.
Go with who will support you in the planning process and in the wedding- and who you enjoy being around.
Post # 13
Don’t worry about it! Trust me. I thought about this just like you over and over.
I am a soon to be military wife, when I met Mr. TooPerfect, I left college and left my home state in the dust, I moved to Maryland to be closer to him, and every since I have been moving across the US with him every 2 years. When I first left my friends called all the time, now after it has been a few years I hardly hear from them except on Facebook. I have a sister and will have a sister in law after the wedding, with much debate I decided to forego the BRIDAL party idea, we decided that he is truly my best friend as I am his. I still want to honor my sister and sister in law, but I am still working out all of that. I honestly think a wedding should be about the 2 of you, and you don’t have to include a bridal party.
Best of luck with whatever happens, I totally understand where you are coming from.
Post # 14
Thank you so much ladies.
CDubyaToCJay I know exactly what you mean about losing contact with your friends. I still talk on facebook or very few times on the phone with all my friends that I have left behind, but it is not the same. People change so quick. I still think about them all the time, but I’m sure they don’t think about me as much since they still have each other and I have always been the one making new friends everywhere I go. Uhh it’s so hard but at the same time we get to meet so many new people and experience new stuff…still not having a single friend you grew up with sucks.
Post # 15
So my lovely bees I had gotten comfortable with the idea of not having a maid of honor. So I finally decided on not having one and was going to talk to fiance about it.
It started a BIG fight! I had no idea he would react like that. He started telling me how important it is that he has his best man. I never asked him not to have a best man! His best man will still have a lady to walk with, I will just not give her a “title”.
So my fiance has been pushing me today to “just pick someone” and I am trying to explain to him that I don’t have ANY good friends that I am that close with. I don’t just want to pick anyone.
He REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS earlier today with his raection. I am going to quote exactly what he said: “I am pushing you to pick a maid of honor because I am trying to avoid you the embarrasement of not having one…people will figure it out quickly that you don’t trust any of your friends” !!!! :(((
k ladies I am lost here. Should I just pick one to make him happy? or just realize that he is being a jerk and stick with what would make me comfortable?
He is a great guy, but sometimes lately I feel like this wedding is all about him and making him and his family happy. Which I want them to be happy of couse, but I want to be happy too. We will be getting married in his church (he is Catholic and I recognize how important it is for him that we get married in the catholic church) bout 6 states away from where I live and it will be a big wedding. I have always wanted a small wedding…..I feel very sad right now thank you for reading this and sorry if I am being a little emotional.
Post # 16
I recently lost two friends for a very similar and yet very different reason. Mostly my fault, partly theirs. Either way, I had to pick up the pieces, and now I have the best friends I could ask for who are truly happy for me. My brother was always going to be my man of honor since we are best friends. I have my sisters, and my new friends.
In the end, those who weren’t happy for you would have just brought you down in everything wedding related.
Things will fall into place, sweetie. What matters most is you and your FI’s union.