(Closed) I don’t have a maid of honor :((

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I am really sorry this time of your life has some sorrow instead of all happiness.  Do you have a guy friend you would like to stand for you?

Are you close with your mom? I have heard of people having mom’s aunts etc be their Maid/Matron of Honor.  Also you dont have to have an Maid/Matron of Honor. 

Post # 4
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

The numbers don’t have to be even at all. He could have 4 guys and do 2 guys to each girl or any combination you come up with. Also, don’t feel bad you don’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor. Many people have people in their bridal party who don’t do anything with or for them which just stresses them out more.

Post # 5
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This is not going to help in anyway, shape or form…

Don’t worry.  It really stinks to not have that experience of you and your BFF from forever sharing in wedding prep stuff. I wouldn’t include the two BMs that aren’t sure just yet. I don’t want you to be upset if they change their minds. The good news is, you have a little time. Not a whole lot, and it goes like lightening.  Why not table the matter until around or after the holidays?

(One other crazy left field thought…would it be so horrible to not have a maid of honor? An Maid/Matron of Honor is basically the head bridesmaid, if his sisters are up to the task, especially considering they’ll be your sisters too, make lemonade from your lemon basket.)

::HUGS:: and good luck.

Post # 6
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i know it feels sucky. but think of it like this. before you got engaged were you thinking about all these people in this way? or were just happy with your life the way it was?  the bridal is an important part of the wedding if you want it to be. but it doesn’t have to be the end all of the wedding.  i have been stressing for kind of opposite reasons. My Fiance is similar to you. he has moved around a lot and has not maintained super close male friendships.  so i basically chose his 2 groomsmen: MY brother in law (my sisters husband) and HIS nephew (who will be like 16 when we get married). thats all he’s got. weird thing is, it was bothering me more than him. i have 5 BMs, plus i asked his niece to be a junior Bridesmaid or Best Man. so my bridal party is ridiculously uneven.  and since i realized that HE doesn;t care, i decided there i dont either. no need to push to have people up there just for the sake of having people – he said he would feel weirder having people he is not close to up there over having no one. you have 2 people you want already. you don’t NEED an official Maid/Matron of Honor – that’s just tradition.  but how many wedding traditions are really kept nowadays? to each her own. you just gotta do your wedding how it works best for you and your Fiance and then whatever you have IS the way it is supposed to be.  No one will care or think it should be any different.

Post # 7
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

do you have family members you can ask? My FI’s best man is his father. You could have your mom if you want to! My mom had her mom (my gma) as her maid of honor when she married my step dad. My maid of honor is actually a guy – there are no rules anymore, so you could have ANYONE you want – hell, even a pet!

Post # 9
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

A year until your wedding, i think you need to make some friend or ask some cousins.    Maybe your Future Sister-In-Law can be your Maid/Matron of Honor since you will be sisters soon.

Post # 10
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

by the way, i was in a wedding recently with no maid of honor.  just 3 bridesmaids, and the groom had his best man and 2 GMs.  in terms of speeches, my friend elected me as “chief bridesmaid” and so i did a speech and walked with the best man. she just didnt want to pick one of us over the others (although i guess she picked me in way). anyway, my point was it really doesnt matter.  i have been to another wedding where the Maid/Matron of Honor and another Bridesmaid or Best Man each did their own speech. and some weddings where the Maid/Matron of Honor was there, but did not do a speech.  so when you get to figuring that stuff out too, you can either opt for less speeches or ask both your BMs to do a joint speech?  or maybe one will be comfortable with public speaking than the other and the choice will be made for you!  because of my FIs situation, i don’t think he will have either of my chosen GMs do a speech at all! but thats ok!

Post # 11
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You mentioned a friend that moved/had a baby and one who doesn’t know where she will be. Your wedding party does not all have to be local! Two of my bridesmaids live in NY and OH, and I live in PA. It can work out. I agree that there is nothing wrong with not having an Maid/Matron of Honor, and there is no rule that both sides of the bridal party have to balance each other. Good luck and I really hope your situation improves!!

Post # 12
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I second both the no need to have a Maid/Matron of Honor and that BMs do not have to be local. At least, that’s how I’m going about it.

The Best Man is FH’s brother so that was a no-brainer for him. The two other GMs are both in Texas. Mine are from PA and TN so they will be travelling (as will most of the guests). I didn’t want to pick favorites so they are all equal and the order is determined by height or what color dress they choose. Initally I had some opposition from my mother as she didn’t think it would work but she realized that it will still look nice and they all support me.

Go with who will support you in the planning process and in the wedding- and who you enjoy being around.

Post # 13
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Don’t worry about it! Trust me. I thought about this just like you over and over.

I am a soon to be military wife, when I met Mr. TooPerfect, I left college and left my home state in the dust, I moved to Maryland to be closer to him, and every since I have been moving across the US with him every 2 years. When I first left my friends called all the time, now after it has been a few years I hardly hear from them except on Facebook. I have a sister and will have a sister in law after the wedding, with much debate I decided to forego the BRIDAL party idea, we decided that he is truly my best friend as I am his. I still want to honor my sister and sister in law, but I am still working out all of that. I honestly think a wedding should be about the 2 of you, and you don’t have to include a bridal party.

Best of luck with whatever happens, I totally understand where you are coming from.

Post # 16
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I recently lost two friends for a very similar and yet very different reason. Mostly my fault, partly theirs. Either way, I had to pick up the pieces, and now I have the best friends I could ask for who are truly happy for me. My brother was always going to be my man of honor since we are best friends. I have my sisters, and my new friends.

In the end, those who weren’t happy for you would have just brought you down in everything wedding related.

Things will fall into place, sweetie. What matters most is you and your FI’s union.

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