Post # 1
Member
37 posts
Newbee
I am done with planning this, I am done calling people and making arrangements. It is too late to change anything to late to even cancell (wedding is in 4 weeks, I can’t cancel the reception).
How has any one lived with a wedding reception they really didn’t want? I was thinking of some special moments just so I could remember that. But I honestly thing the best thing about my wedding reception will be when it is over, and everything is done.
I don’t think I truly will like it, because I had little control over it. Now I am not about to explain everything I had to go through. Lets just say It was all fights, and my stress limit is done, I’m done fighting. I do not want to fight any more. I can’t change the reception venue, I can’t take back the invitations. I had my change, and I blew it.
So how do I deal with all this stress, without kicking myself in the *** for a million years. Yes it is just one day, but compounded with all the other things I have been going through, this One day, is driving me insane.
So some great advice (any psychologists on here willing to offer some advice), would go a long way. If you had a bad wedding reception day, how did you handle it?
Post # 3
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
@currentbee:
So sorry to hear about your situation. Weddings are stressful enough let alone not having it exactly how you want it and what you like. This is YOUR day, no one elses….. try to stay positive I’m sure everything will work out, your right you can’t change the invaitions or reception venue but try to enjoy your day..like I said this is all about YOU 🙂 I’ve been in the same situation with my dress, my mom and sister didn’t love the dress that I did..but I’m wearing it….NOT them
good luck
Post # 4
Member
37 posts
Newbee
I will try. But I am seriously considering these options:
1) Just doing a late cancel, of the reception. I will still get married, so I would of course keep my photographer if I did that.
2) Staying for only 1 hour, and letting somebody else be in charge of music. No first dance, no cake cutting (or an early cake cutting ceremony, I was thinking of passing out roses to immediate family)
3) Stay for the Entire thing, do DIY music, only have it be a socializing event (still do the cake cutting, and handing out flowers)
4) Not show up at all, just say I felt incredibly ill (which may actually happen due to all the stress I’ve been under). This would infuriate my Grandma (who raised me, who is paying, and who thinks is doing this for me, but in reality is just doing this for herself it seems), and make all my family talk about me for years (because I’m certain I would bar myself from all future family gathers if such a thing happened).
I have felt ignored completely up to this point. I gave in because I hated fighting, but I am loosing my sanity over this. I have other issues to worry about, but I have no time to see a psychologist (once I am married and far away from family, I think I wil).
That is all I have as my options. With a very oppositional Grandmother. I can’t deal with it. I really can’t deal with it. I’m done. My stress level is through the roof, I’m certain my cortisol levels are elevated, constantly making me in the fight or flight response mode.
I go between this 
and this 
. There some more explanation so that those who care to respond to this plea of help may understand me better.
Post # 5
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
Sorry! I too know how you feel. I’m planning a reception and i’m totally wishing I had scratched it all together….and it’s only been two weeks since i put down the deposit. For me, I just have too many people telling me how it should be and knocking my choices at the same time I’m not getting any help from anyone at all….or not the kind of help I really want. I have people saying they want to decorate it and provide the kind of food they like…but they don’t seem to understand I’m paying for everyoen’s food already and they surley don’t want me to have any say in the decorations…they just want to do it their way. Also, I’m having nightmares about the final bill. I hope by some miracle I do end up enjoying it…but I’m also nervous about having to socialize with a room full of people being that I’m so shy. It’s definelty going to be an interesting day…and I hope I get really drunk at least.
Post # 6
Member
37 posts
Newbee
Well I just had a talk with my Aunt. First she told me not to be as my Grandmother is (grandma like I said raised me), and see the Glass Half-empty. I have always been a fairly optimistic person, but on the inside have began to become somewhat synical of myself so that has in fact tainted my world view a bit.
She also said BIG WEDDINGS = LOTS OF MONEY AND GIFTS. I’m the type of person that would be happy with just having people around me in an intimate atmosphere (Like think 30 or so guests), but I guess I can consider it a large intimate atmosphere, I’m sort of used to it for family gatherings, but I guess add in the whole idea this is supposed to be MY DAY, well its not really my day, I have been a people pleaser for too long, and I guess I could just mark my wedding reception as my very last day of being a people pleaser. I can celebrate that this is the day I marry, start a new life, and venture out on my own to fully make my own decisions. I can celebrate this day with just little highlights that I can look at and be fond of.
The other thing she reminded me of: I will at that time be holding the hand of the man I love. The one who promised to spend his entire life with me, and the one who promised me that in show of us becoming a unit, would hyphenate his name with mine, as I do with his. The one who has up to this point worn an engagement ring (Sorry grooms, an engagement ring is what it is in my opinion, calling it any thing else is just plain silly to me). I am going to marry a man who love me.
Okay there is some fear of marriage, and if it would actually work mixed in there. But I am trying to see that all has worked out before in our relationship. We’ve been in huge rough spots before, so we can make it.
I’m still not out of the red stage on this. Lets just band together and deal with this Brides. This is our community of support I believe when we feel we have none in reality. So we come here to our virtual reality.
(hugs) to all of you!
Post # 7
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@currentbee:
I hope that on your day, that you are just so happy being married to the man you love and surrounded by all the people that love you, that nothing else matters. 😉
Post # 8
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
I know you are stressed but what’s done is done, relax now and try to enjoy it. At the end of the day you’re married and THAT is what really counts!