(Closed) I don't know how I should feel

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of information here. Is the issue that there are family emergencies? Is the issue that he tells you not to go? And what are the emergencies?

Post # 4
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

What does he say when you ask him why you can’t go with him? 

Post # 5
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I am so sorry I just realized I read that wrong lol dammit 

I mean if you’re going to be married then you can insist on going. But for the time being I would just communicate with him your feelings on the matter that you feel that you are a couple and you go together and that’s the end of it. Maybe he just feels he doesn’t want to inconvenience you.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by athenalex.
Post # 8
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
leya:  Ok–it sounds like you haven’t had a discussion yet about why you’re upset that he doesn’t let you come with him to these events. I would just have an honest talk. Tell him that as your fiance, you are family now, and you want to be by his side at important family events, like when a sibling is hospitalized. If he still says no, then ask him why not. He may have a good reason (like maybe his sibling just didn’t want to be surrounded by a ton of family members and friends when they’re in the hospital, which is fair), or maybe his reason is dumb, but either way you’re marrying this guy so best to communicate openly and honestly!

Post # 9
Member
1898 posts
Buzzing bee

Im married and my husband and I don’t always go to each others family emergencies. Mostly because of consideration for the person in the emergency. For example, my dad has cancer and had a surgery a few weeks ago. My dad honestly preferred just my mom and I go with him to the hospital, and only my mom be with him after the procedure. I came with my mom, kept her company, and went home. My husband offered to come wait or to come see my dad, but it isn’t what my dad wanted.

Personally, if I was rushed to the hospital, the last thing I would want (unless I was on my deathbed) would be for a lot of people to be there.  

Is his family more private in general?  It goes the other way, too. One of his family members had some issues and was in court a few times, recently. I didn’t go, and got the updates afterwards. 

I think it’s situational and depends on the type of emergency, honestly.

Post # 10
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
leya:  Hang tight – you guys had only been dating 4 months when he proposed, and this is his first serious relationship? Yikes.

As for the hospital thing – I would want my husband with me for moral support during family emergencies, but recognize that everyone handles stress differently.

I can’t help but think that your relationship is still so new that he may not feel comfortable with you seeing him in a place of vulnerability, and therefore wants to handle the emergencies on his own until you and he are more secure in your relationship. 

Post # 12
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If I were being admitted to the hospital, I wouldn’t want my brother’s girlfriend of 5 months tagging along.

It’s not about you, it’s about the person in the emergency. You can’t assert yourself into every situation with his family. It’s his call whether he wants you there or not and he is perfectly within his right to not bring you with him. Respect his and his family’s boundaries. Unless the ’emergency’ directly effects you, you get no say.

Post # 14
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this.. Being in the hospital is stressful and having a lot of people around is even more so. Perhaps him telling you to stay home is out of respect for the person having the emergency and actually has nothing to do with you?

 

Post # 15
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

A lot of times it’s just not helpful to have extra people show up when a family emergency is happening. I don’t think you should insist on going. In those situations, your only concern should be what your Fiance and his family need from you which may not always be showing up at the hospital because that can be really hectic and overwhelming.

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