Soon2bmarried123: You come here and take a shit all over someone whose entire life has been flipped on it’s head and who posts so she can have someone, anyone to talk to. Yes, you are the horrible person.
You’re saying that she must – and that you would undeniably – be this man’s caretaker, for the rest of his life. Her life. She must pay all the bills, she must maintain the house, she must take care of him, sounds like she soon might also need to change his diapers. Seriously. And she musn’t wish it was something that would at least eventually end both of their misery because that makes her a horrible person? The guy can’t even shave himself anymore and this seems like it has progressed quickly through their engagement. He must spend weeks recovering from having sex.
Kids? Forget it. Hobbies? No time with a dependent adult at home. Retirement? Nope, the money’s been sunk into caring for SO and being the main or only breadwinner.
He’s already dependent on her for many things and this has all just begun in the grand scheme of life. Who knows how much further this might progress. Heaven forbid she wish this all goes away. And no, she isn’t going around telling everyone “I wish he’d die already so I can just get on with my life already, yeesh!” – she is admitting it a group of strangers hoping for some support for once, who else do you suppose she can reach out to? Have you never had a thought that you “knew” was “wrong” and just needed to get it off your chest? Never?
I suspect there was no mention of the pain he was going through because her WHOLE LIFE revolves around him and his pain. When someone is ill, it’s alllll about that person. It’s exhausting to be the support when you don’t have any support.
Again, I think you need to spend some time with people who are actually in this situation. Even elderly caretakers wait and hope for, and feel such a sense of relief after their dependent parner has passed. Why? Because it is an unending, draining, all-consuming position to be in. If someone who has already lived their life into their old age feel this way, are you really shocked and horrified that a young woman with her whole life in front of her would?
Have you spent even an afternoon with someone who must care for an adult dependent? It’s exhausting just being around someone feeling so exhausted and hopeless. I can’t even imagine being in their shoes for even a moment. It may very well be more difficult for the caretaker than the dependent.
There is nothing premature or extreme about her feelings. Seems clear he isn’t going to get better. She is very aware of what her life is like now, and how much more it will likely change in the future. This isn’t a nasty flu, it isn’t even a bout of cancer which at least gives hope for recovery.
Again, I ask, is your judgment productive? Does it help anyone? Does it serve a purpose other than to be mean and feel smug?