(Closed) I don’t know how to handle this without hurting FI

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hmmmmm.

Have you ever gotten hurt? Could you tell him that your tailbone hurts from lap sitting or you may have bruised a rib with all the carrying. It makes you feel dizzy…anything lol

I’m sure he would be able to rearrange his cuddling for you! Just be honest! Tell him how you like to be touched 😉

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You should tell him what you just told us. How are you going to marry him if you can’t be honest about a perfectly reasonable request?

Darling Husband used to smack my butt all the effing time. And I don’t mean a playful tap either, it hurt. One day I just said “You know what, that really annoys me, it isn’t fun and I want you to stop.” That’s all it took.

Post # 5
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think you should just tell him. Tell him that you love him and you love your cuddle time etc. But you also need just you time. He will understand. 

Post # 7
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My Fiance and I have similiar issues. I’m the touchy feely one and it’s taken me some time to realize just how much he is not and vice versa. We’ve come up with a pretty happy medium.

 

He just lets me know when it’s getting to be too much and he makes an effort to be more affectionate.

 

You Fiance might just need that physical reassurance, I know on my particularly needy days I get a bit clingy.

Post # 9
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree with KatyElle, you need to communicate this to him. Explain to him that while you like cuddling with him, you would like to have some time where you can sit on your own without be prodded constantly. Tell him especially since you do not have AC you just find it a bit unfortable. It in no way means you don’t love him.

If he’s still very upset after you’ve told him how you feel nicely, he needs to grow up. It is perfectly reasonable for you to just want to not be touched all the time.

Post # 10
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I read this and it reminds me of a show I occasionally watch called The Marriage Ref. If you havent seen it, there is a panel of 3 celebraties and they will have a couple state their problem and then the celebraties weigh in. Its pretty funny. Anyways, there was this one couple that the husband was so affectionate that he even made them sleep on a single bed just so he could hold her all night. She would even fall off the bed sometimes. Since the panel settled with her, she won some money and I think a bigger bed.

I think that you should just communicate to him that you love him but sometimes he can be too affectionate. It may be a tough conversation but maybe since you arent saying it directly, he doesnt know you dont like it. I wish you luck:D

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

You need to tell him that some days its fine, but others you need space, and he can’t keep getting hurt everytime you don’t want to be touching him. Its not fair to you to make you feel bad every time you don’t want to be right up on him. If you don’t say anything, its ok, but if you do, he needs to just back off and not take it so personally

Post # 12
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You have to tell him.  Plain and simple.  Do it sooner rather than later, because later it will come out as “let me the f*ck go!”.  

Don’t start with “We need to talk”.  That will immediately put him in a defensive state. But do preface the conversation with that you enjoy physical contact with him. Absolutely tell him about the heat and the rashes.  Then it isn’t just you.  It is a health issue as well.  

Your relationship is about what both of you want.  He shouldn’t get all that he wants while you get none of what you want.  

 

Post # 13
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

And I’ve tried telling him not so much but he gets this look like I just told him I was leaving or something

There are going to be times in your relationship when you have to tell your SO things they don’t want to hear. Sounds like this is one of those times. He will get over it.

Post # 14
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My Darling Husband is the EXACT same way. He is constantly touching, cuddling, kissing me, pinching my cheeks, patting my bottom, etc etc etc. He’s just a very affectionate person, but sometimes I need to say, “Ok no more for now!” I try to say it in a particular tone that strikes a balance between joking and annoyed, and it usually seems to work. But my tolerance has also just increased over the years. I would also go ahead and blame it on the heat–sometimes, it really is just too hot to be touched!!

Post # 15
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with @Miss. Flutterby:… I am the opposite of my Fiance. I LOVE to be held, touched, kissed, be close all the time. He is one that needs more of the space.

A good way would be to have a discussion with him, but realize it probably will hurt his feelings some.

One issue my Fiance and I have had to work through is feeling like affection is always on “his time” since he is the less affectionate one. When you feel that you have to ask permission or that when they’re tired you’re done is not a good feeling and it took us some time to work through.

The best thing to do here is going to be to compromise… let him hold you sometimes even if you think it is silly or you don’t want to be touched. That doesn’t mean you can’t tell him if it hurts, but try to reassure him that you appreciate him showing his affection towards you. i definitely think communicating your issues to him is the only way to move forward and you may have to be prepared for some hurt feelings. There is no good way to say ” I am tired of you touching me right now” to someone who likes to touch and that is their way of showing their “love language”

Post # 16
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

This sounds like Darling Husband and I…maybe not as extreme as knocking me down, but still.  He is a very affectionate man – always hugging, holding hands, etc.  I LOVE that, but for a long time, he kept smacking my butt every single time he walked by me.  At first it was kind of funny, but then it became super annoying.  Eventually I said something to him, and for the most part, he stopped.

He slips every now and then, but I can handle that!

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