(Closed) i don't know if fiance really wants a "big" wedding …

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Can you limit the people invited to just people you actually know well?  That might make it better.

Post # 4
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think the private ceremony with the large reception is a great idea. It’s only fair to take his feelings into account. Go for it!

Post # 5
Member
8676 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t see how having a small ceremony and a larger reception would decrease your FI’s anxiety especially given the physical reactions that occurred at the other weddings. The eyes will still be on you and your Fiance at the reception- probably even more so if most of the reception guests miss the ceremony. Why not just have a small wedding?

As to the question over the cerremony/reception split it is normally only considered polite to do so if the ceremony is truly private- as in immediate family only. otherwise guests can feel like they have been tiered by importance!

Post # 6
Bee
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Schloss Heiligenberg/ Spearfish Canyon Lodge

I think your solution of an intimate ceremony combined with a large reception is just fine. It might not be the standard solution, but it’s the one that works best for you.

As to who gets to come to the ceremony, I’d suggest the following people: Parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts&uncles, a hand full of your close friends, and your parents closest firends. I hope that number comes in at about 50. I think – as the ceremony would be before the reception, I presume – it shouldn’t be a big deal if your first cousins or your mom’s cousins are only invited to the reception that happens a bit later. 

If people ask, you could always explain your fiancé’s anxiety issue and that you want to have the most meaningful and healthy ceremony. I don’t think anyone can fault you for that. And in the end, people want to celebrate with you and that’s what you’re letting them do at the reception.

Post # 7
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Maybe you could try to add small compromises like a less conspicuous head table and other ways to keep him feeling less like he’s on display. He’s probably really nervous about a first dance in front of that many people, so maybe you could have your whole wedding party join you immediately or after only about half a minute. I know some of these ideas might be very different from what people typically picture, but they might go a long way toward helping him. If all else fails, maybe seriously consider something like valium to help him relax or therapy to get to the root of these fears. 

Post # 8
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

First, Congratulations on your up coming wedding.. Planning is bitter/sweet. I however am getting married in 12 days so my anxiety is through the roof (even with my medication) For me I have a severe case of anxiety that I do take medication once every morning. I did suffer for many years of large crowds, parties, clubs etc. Even family get togethers. There would be lots of commotion going on I would have a full blown anxiety attack. Seams like your Fiance is going with the flow to please and make you happy :). If you can’t change anything regarding the guest list maybe you should speak with your husband to see a doctor in regards with taking something to ease his anxiousness and anxiety. I truly don’t believe in medicating but I got to a point that I couldn’t take it anymore. I was deeply afraid of walking around like a “zombie” & to my surprise didn’t. I feel completely normal and relaxed. I get to enjoy my family outtings without the fear of overly crowded places. Maybe this somehow will help your soo2b hubby and he can get to enjoy your beautiful day with out both of you worrying. Hope this helped Best wishes to you 🙂

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