- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I’ve always known that my fiance has had some social anxiety. He doesn’t like clubs, dancing, or big parties with lots of people he doesn’t know.
But I never realized how bad it was until we attended a few weddings and started planning our own wedding.
At the last two weddings we went to, he was so anxious that his stomach was in knots all day and he spent half the time in the bathroom with various stomach issues related to the nerves.
He did slow dance with me but I could tell he even felt uncomfortable then. And he could barely eat.
I felt really, really bad and tried to calm him down or suggest ways to deal with this b/c I have anxiety myself.
And now that we are planning our own wedding, I’m getting really nervous that he doesn’t even want things to be the way we’re planning.
Initially, we thought we’d have around 100 people because we were going to pay for everything ourselves. But when my parents found out we were having a lot of financial restrictions, they offered to pay for the food IF they could add, like, 150 people to the guest list.
We instantly agreed, not only b/c of the money, but b/c we did feel bad about leaving some people off the guest list.
But the more we talk about our now 250+ guest list, all my mom’s cousins, etc, etc, the more he clams up. I’ve asked him if he’s ok with this, like, 100 times and he assures me he is and he will embrace it for me and to become part of my family (b/c 90% of the guest list is my family — he pretty much has no close relatives).
But last night we were playing poker with some friends who are also getting married, and my fiance was a little drunk, and we were talking about big weddings and our guest list and he made this face and rolled his eyes and clutched his stomach and started talking about how he wasn’t crazy about our guest list and he was anxious to get everything over with.
I feel really guilty. Like I’m forcing him into a big wedding. But I just don’t know what to do. My parents are paying for the food so they DO have a say so. And I am a very family-oriented person so I can’t imagine getting married without all of my crazy relatives there.
We thought a good compromise would be having a private ceremony (50 or so people), and then a big reception. I am totally fine with that, and so is my fiance and parents, but we’ve gotten a lot of mixed reviews from friends (and on this board). And if we do that, where do we draw the line? Which friends/relatives do we let come to the ceremony and which ones do we restrict to the reception only?