- 2 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
Long story somwhat short, my SIL and I have had bad blood for years. When we met, we were best friends, and she encouraged me to date her brother. Once we got engaged, she completely changed. She was horribly mean, she told my now in-laws lies about me, and even went to my fiance to say she doesn’t think I am good enough for him. Then she would completely 180 and apologize for being so cruel, cry and beg for forgiveness. This was a cycle for over a year, and I slowly began to resent her, because everytime I trusted her, she would hurt me even worse than before. She has thrown secrets I shared with her years before, in my face and humiliated my multiple times with them, to her family and my husband. Through all of this, I have tried to be the bigger person and I think I have succeeded for the most part.
I have been in counseling for 6 months, trying to figure out what kind of relationship I want with her, and how to work through all my anger and hurt towards her. Currently, I don’t want a relationship with her, at all. I would honestly be so happy if she would move away and I never had to see her again. My husband wants to be very close with her, which has become a source of tension for us. She has hurt me by manipulating him into agreeing with her on disagreements her and I have had, and then rubbed it in my face that he “picked her” over me. Thankfully he has learned that she does this, and it hasn’t happened in months since he has set up better boundaries. But everytime he hangs out with her, I am so tense because I worry if she is manipulating him. He loves her so much and he always tries to believe the best, even when she is horrible.
Last night he admitted how awful it is, being caught in the middle of two women he loves. He will always choose me, I know this. But I feel bad that I have no desire to be close with his sister.
She tells everyone that our the magnitude of our fights are all in my head, and she hasn’t had an issue with me in years. She tells her family and my husband that she wants us to be close again, and how she is trying but she can’t do it alone. But I have been cut so deeply by her, that I don’t believe a word of it. It feels like she is so manipulative and sneaky, and I am the only person who sees her for who she truly is. But my husband has made several good points about how maybe she has changed, and she knows that if she wants to be in his life, she has to be nice to me.
I am so hypersensitive to everything she says and does, that I am starting to wonder if it IS all in my head. What if she is a really great person, and I’m the bitch here? But then I wonder if I am being gaslighted. She does things that are so subtle to jab at me (or so it feels) but they are so miniscule that I feel stupid bringing them up. But altogether, they feel huge to me. She knows my weaknesses since we were friends, and it feels like she is using them to hurt me in small ways. But therapy is teaching me how I can’t give her control over me, and I have to choose to not be hurt when she does these things.
I don’t know if I am making any sense. Thanks for listening.