(Closed) I Don't Know If I Can Marry Him…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

Sorry it’s been such a difficult time. You’re going to continue to learn new things about your partner even after you’re married, but it does sound like you generally don’t feel confident in your relationship. Maybe it would help to talk about long term plans, but if you’re really not feeling it, it’s easier to end it now before you actually get married. 

Post # 4
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I agree post-poning is a good option, while your sort out your own feelings and what you truely want. Getting married wont resolve your current concerns and its scarier but far easier to back out now. Do whats best for you and your feelings 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
3647 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Maybe consider premarital counseling. There is no harm in doing that. And remember, you can postpone or cancel the wedding at any point. Don’t let a deposit dictate your future. This sounds like something that needs to be addressed before marriage, not after. 

Post # 6
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
grapenuts22:  you need to at least Post pone the wedding. It seems like you both are young and need to change/mature. 

You stated “…I feel like I don’t know the important adult stuff about him.” I’m guessing your younger than him? Early 20s? You two need to talk about every aspect of the future before your married. While you can not predict the future, you need to know your both on the same page. Example questions you both need to talk about: 

Where do you see your relationship in 5 years?

How many children do you want? How do you want to raise them? Where do you each stand on faith? 

These are just examples. Commuication is huge for marriage. You should be completely comfortable telling/talking to each other about anything…calmly. 

If you are truly doubting your love for him, stop pretending. This isn’t right for either of you. Sit and talk things over and decide if you need to post pone the wedding or cancel. Losing your deposits is less than the cost of a divorce.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by BrideK2Wings.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by BrideK2Wings. Reason: Typos
Post # 7
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
grapenuts22:  If you want to postpone the wedding, then do so! I felt the same way about my SO. I postponed our wedding 6 months and now I’m so happy we are getting married. This may not be the case for you, but extra time may help you figure out if this relationship is the best thing for you, or not. I wish you lots of luck.

Post # 8
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your brain is still growing and developing until the age of 25. And even then it takes some time to settle into who you really are. The person you fell in love with at 21, 22, 23 is not the person he is at 25. And you’ve changed too. 

You can change you mind. You can say, at one point this is the person I thought I was going to marry, but now we’ve grown in different directions. You don’t have to live the rest of you life over a decision you made in your early 20’s. You can walk away–you will survive, he will survive. No one will be mad at you. 

Post # 9
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Better to have the talk now, however uncomfortable rather than regret making the commitment later on. Premartial counseling and evaluating priorites now is better than regret and divorce later.

Post # 10
Member
8517 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you are not 110% sure about marrying the man, please do NOT marry him. As other PPs have said, there is nothing wrong with changing your mind and there is nothing wrong with taking more time to make sure your entire heart is in it. 

Post # 10
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
grapenuts22:  *hugs* It must be awful for you to go through this.

As I see it, when a couple is young and one or both is a bit immature, there are two options: give it time so you can grow and mature together, or break up. Are you older than him and maybe in a different stage in life (still studying vs. graduated and maybe working)? Or are you the same age, but you feel more mature?

I’d say don’t end the relationship just yet, but by all means get premarital counseling. If you haven’t sorted things out before the wedding, postpone it. If the spark in the relationship is gone forever, maybe it’s time to call it quits.

Best of luck to you. Follow your gut.

Post # 11
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m in my low thirties and I’m such a different person than I was when I was in my low twenties. Even my hopes and dreams for the future are different. 

You’re sooo young. I recommend postponing the wedding. Do some soul searching together as a couple AND alone. Travel! That will help you learn about yourself. 

Don’t ignore your gut. Good for you for being so corageous and mature to see the problem and do something about it!! 

Post # 12
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry Bee. :/ Pre-marital counseling can’t hurt, especially if you postpone the wedding to give you some time to do that. It would allow you to talk openly about some of these issues with him in a safe place. *HUGS*

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