Post # 1
Hi Bees… Regular going anon.
Title says it all.. I’ve had these feelings for a while now, and with only 4 months to go until wedding day I just don’t know if I can do it anymore. And the closer it gets the more the feelings grow and the more things I realize about him that I don’t think I can live with forever.
I don’t feel financially secure with him, I hate that he is almost 25 with no direction, he is still so immature, we have less in common than we have in common.. I love him, but I just don’t feel in love with him anymore. There is no spark for me anymore I don’t feel like. He is an amazing guy – sweet, cares so much about me, loves me… but I don’t know if it’s enough I feel like I don’t really know him (I know him, but I feel like I don’t know the important adult stuff about him) and I don’t think he really knows me. To me, it feels like we were dating for a certain period of time, and the next step was marriage. We had talked about it, I thought we were ready to start a life, but then all of a sudden he was proposing and looking back I was not ready.
I feel like everything is just snowballing and we’re in so far to the wedding I don’t know how to stop it. How do you even begin to bring up these kinds of concerns?
I just don’t know.. my heads a mess and I guess I’m just looking for support. I keep thinking I’ve made up my mind and then something happens to change it. I feel so stupid.
Post # 3
Sorry it’s been such a difficult time. You’re going to continue to learn new things about your partner even after you’re married, but it does sound like you generally don’t feel confident in your relationship. Maybe it would help to talk about long term plans, but if you’re really not feeling it, it’s easier to end it now before you actually get married.
Post # 4
I agree post-poning is a good option, while your sort out your own feelings and what you truely want. Getting married wont resolve your current concerns and its scarier but far easier to back out now. Do whats best for you and your feelings 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Maybe consider premarital counseling. There is no harm in doing that. And remember, you can postpone or cancel the wedding at any point. Don’t let a deposit dictate your future. This sounds like something that needs to be addressed before marriage, not after.
Post # 6
you need to at least Post pone the wedding. It seems like you both are young and need to change/mature.
You stated “…I feel like I don’t know the important adult stuff about him.” I’m guessing your younger than him? Early 20s? You two need to talk about every aspect of the future before your married. While you can not predict the future, you need to know your both on the same page. Example questions you both need to talk about:
Where do you see your relationship in 5 years?
How many children do you want? How do you want to raise them? Where do you each stand on faith?
These are just examples. Commuication is huge for marriage. You should be completely comfortable telling/talking to each other about anything…calmly.
If you are truly doubting your love for him, stop pretending. This isn’t right for either of you. Sit and talk things over and decide if you need to post pone the wedding or cancel. Losing your deposits is less than the cost of a divorce.
Post # 7
If you want to postpone the wedding, then do so! I felt the same way about my SO. I postponed our wedding 6 months and now I’m so happy we are getting married. This may not be the case for you, but extra time may help you figure out if this relationship is the best thing for you, or not. I wish you lots of luck.
Post # 8
Your brain is still growing and developing until the age of 25. And even then it takes some time to settle into who you really are. The person you fell in love with at 21, 22, 23 is not the person he is at 25. And you’ve changed too.
You can change you mind. You can say, at one point this is the person I thought I was going to marry, but now we’ve grown in different directions. You don’t have to live the rest of you life over a decision you made in your early 20’s. You can walk away–you will survive, he will survive. No one will be mad at you.
Post # 9
Better to have the talk now, however uncomfortable rather than regret making the commitment later on. Premartial counseling and evaluating priorites now is better than regret and divorce later.
Post # 10
If you are not 110% sure about marrying the man, please do NOT marry him. As other PPs have said, there is nothing wrong with changing your mind and there is nothing wrong with taking more time to make sure your entire heart is in it.
Post # 10
*hugs* It must be awful for you to go through this.
As I see it, when a couple is young and one or both is a bit immature, there are two options: give it time so you can grow and mature together, or break up. Are you older than him and maybe in a different stage in life (still studying vs. graduated and maybe working)? Or are you the same age, but you feel more mature?
I’d say don’t end the relationship just yet, but by all means get premarital counseling. If you haven’t sorted things out before the wedding, postpone it. If the spark in the relationship is gone forever, maybe it’s time to call it quits.
Best of luck to you. Follow your gut.
Post # 11
I’m in my low thirties and I’m such a different person than I was when I was in my low twenties. Even my hopes and dreams for the future are different.
You’re sooo young. I recommend postponing the wedding. Do some soul searching together as a couple AND alone. Travel! That will help you learn about yourself.
Don’t ignore your gut. Good for you for being so corageous and mature to see the problem and do something about it!!
Post # 12
I’m sorry Bee. :/ Pre-marital counseling can’t hurt, especially if you postpone the wedding to give you some time to do that. It would allow you to talk openly about some of these issues with him in a safe place. *HUGS*