(Closed) I don't know if I can take more ..

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

I think you need to evaluate honestly how much longer you are willing to wait.  I feel like perhaps your frustration will grow and grow and your time might be better spent with someone who is on the same page as you are.  No offense.

Post # 4
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

aaawww. my heart goes out to you.  i felt this way with my SO before we were engaged. and now, it’s like, “oh whatever!” we were friends for over 10 years and togther as a couple for another 2 before he finally proposed. the waiting is the worst!  do you two live together?? have you talked about not waiting in regards to the virginity thing?  i mean since you brought it up, it seems as though this may be an underlying issue for you.  does your SO really want to get married? Maybe he isn’t on the same page as you are, like Bunny82 said. 

Post # 5
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Bunny82:  +1

You’re not drawing boudaries on your relationship.. 8 years? Sh*t or get off the pot. Draw a line in the sand.. if he hasn’t proposed by then stop wasting your time and go.

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with PPs. After 8 years, it’s hard to imagine he has any good legitimate reason for making you wait that isn’t an excuse. You deserve to be with someone who fulfills all of your needs. Take control of your own life and seriously reevaluate your relationship.

Post # 8
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

Congrats on keeping your v-card in the very least… if he doesn’t workut you’ll still have that for you future husband!

Post # 10
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Rananteriel:  I think your thought process is normal. I think you should also consider the fact that he know how you feel about marriage and he knows that waiting so long is hurting you. While it’s great that you are trying to understand his reasons for waiting (which don’t sound very solid, does he even have a definite timeframe for proposing?), he should also be trying to understand your feelings. He may feel like it’s best to wait to get married, but when he sees that you clearly feel differently, he should be willing to make some compromise to make you happy.

Only you can know your true feelings on this and if you really feel like waiting is the best option, then you should do that. Just don’t stay for the wrong reasons (fear of being alone, the amount of time you’ve already been together, etc). Try to spend some time reflecting on yourself. What do you really want for the future? What are your real reasons for waiting? How do you really feel about his level of committment? etc.

Post # 11
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

8 years, I feel, is enough time for him to “sort things out” so I would walk out soon. I would definitely,maybe, give him until the end of December, then I am walking away. And if he comes back after that with a ring and a proposal, I would just tell him ” It’s too late” because if he waits 8 years to do the actual proposing, how long is he willing to wait until the actual wedding day? Another 8 years?

Post # 13
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Rananteriel:  Believe me, after 8 years you aren’t pushing him into anything. Just pick a time when you guys are together and both feeling relaxed and just let him know that you need to talk to him about something important. Tell him that you love him and think he’s the one, but the fact that he hasn’t proposed is hurting you and making you question his commitment with the relationship. Listen to what he says, but also press him for a timeframe. Tell him that after this much time and because this is something very important to you, you deserve a realistic timeframe for marriage.

Remember that getting married shouldn’t just be his decision.

Post # 14
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Rananteriel:  I waited quite a while also, but your situation is different as we were living together & had a sexual relationship, so apart from the legal aspect we were living as husband and wife.  But I honestly feel for you,  not having a sexual relationship is a sacrifice, you are waiting and holding off on a significant part of life just waiting, but really, even if your SO is wanting to be the ‘perfect husband’ he is causing both of you an unneccessary wait. With a religious conviction surely money isnt the most important issue?  What about a registry office wedding? Either he does want to marry you and just feels he has to be ‘something’ other then what he already is, and maybe it will never be perfect, or maybe there is another reason.  Either way you need to know, especially when as a women if you consider your fertility (this may become a factor if you choose to have children).  I think you have been more than patient.  In your position, I would say to him, if you are not planning on proposing or us gettng married in x months then I seriously will not be waiting around. Good luck.

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