I don't know if I want kids…

posted 2 years ago in No Kids
Post # 46
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

DaniGirl03 :  

I think that parents today are far too lenient because they want to be their children’s friends rather than authority figures. That’s why so many children are poorly behaved. I also believe that North American parenting is so childcentric that it has led to a generation of spoiled brats. I noticed this when I was a nanny. I’ve also heard many parents say that they don’t like to say no to their children. Yeah, that’s certainly preparing them for real life. undecided

When my husband and I were in Paris, we were amazed at how calm and polite French children were in public places. European children learn that they have to adapt to the world which does not revolve around them. North American parents often lead their children to believe that they are the centre of the universe. 

I’m sure that your daughter is going to turn out just like her mother in terms of work ethic and success. wink

I just noticed that I made a typo in the last post to you…I meant “for your hard work” rather than “from your hard work.” Sorry about that. 

Post # 47
Member
1777 posts
Buzzing bee

groomsister35 :  I hope so. It blows my mind sometimes, none of her friends or classmates have chores, they don’t really get told no, they all have designer clothes and shoes etc. They don’t really even have consequences when they screw up. Mine lied to me yesterday on her way to competitive dance, about why her chores were’t done. I turned around and took her home. Simple consequence for her actions. My rules are simple. It was a stupid lie, she knows better, but she wanted to face time with her friends more than she wanted to go to dance obviously, since she didn’t do her 20 mins of chores before I got home to pick her up. 

My daughter is a pretty serious competitive dancer with the goal of being a professional on Broadway. She’s pretty good most of the time, and then we go through phases like the last two weeks where I’m constantly giving her shit, punishing her or taking something away. Number one thing I learned parenting was never ever use a threat that you aren’t prepared to follow through on, the kids will call your bluff. The worst part is, when my kid isn’t in school, I have zero issues with her, she’s great, no fights, no arguments, no trying to sneak out of chores. But the attitude and entitlement of other kids sneaks in when she’s there, and then she brings it all home and I get to deal with it.

The worst part is she’s my freaking mini-me it’s like looking in a personality mirror. She’s got my work ethic and drive, she’s also got all of my snarkiness, sarcasm, stubbornness, willfulness and an exact replica of my personality. I’m like child I want you to be strong willed, determined and go out and take on the world, but don’t take on me. 

I never have an issue with her in public really since we hit 4, as long as I was aware of her limits. We go out to family celebrations someplace nice, she knows how to behave, what manners to use, same when we go anywhere really. I always get compliments on how polite and well behaved she is, and I appreciate them, but her behavior shouldn’t be so out of the ordinary people notice it, it’s the standard most kids behaved at when I was a kid.

Post # 48
Member
1777 posts
Buzzing bee

Also sorry OP for completely derailing your thread, if you were on the fence before, I’m sure my tales of my pre-teen have completely scared you off now.

Post # 49
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

becks90 :  

i completely understand what you’re going through here. I am much the same. The hardest thing isn’t knowing what you’ll be giving up, but whether it’s worth it to you. What’s worse is not having a way to know this until you have a child.

I’d recommend the book “All Fun and No Joy” by Jennifer Senior. That book really opened my eyes to the day to day of parenting (as much as possible without having a kid) in a multifaceted way. It discusses not just parenthood these days (and pulls no punches on the effect on parents), but how it has changed over the generations and by culture. It helped me understand that like another poster mentioned, parenthood doesn’t have to be about worshipping kids and giving them everything. 

 

I hope it helps you make your choice, or at least gives you more perspective.

Post # 50
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee

becks90 :  right there with you. I lost my job and then lost a pregnancy and it’s got me thinking that I don’t want kids anymore. Too much pressure to have another mouth to feed and it might slow me down Career wise. I’m tired of stressing about fertility and it’s stressful just supporting myself. Then thinking about miscarrying again or the cost of treatments. Now I’m faced w all this weight to lose and nothing to show for it  I so just want to be a puppy and kitty mom right now. So tempted to get an IUD and just live my life feeling free. Get a job somewhere far away and tropical and never look back

Post # 51
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

gr8tful4friendships :  

I’m so sorry about your miscarriage.

I hope that ultimately deciding not to have children will be healing for you. 

 

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