(Closed) I don't know if I want to keep my dog.

posted 7 years ago in Pets
Post # 16
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

First off, kudos for being honest about such a sensitive situation. Secondly, thank you for having such a big heart & letting Leroy live you, even if it’s just for the time being!

DH & I have casually mentioned getting a second dog, but I have similar worries about not loving the second dog as much &/or favoring our current dog more. We joke that we can’t even have kids because all of our love goes to our four-legged baby right now haha.

I wish I had more suggestions for you, but I also want to mention that it looks like you have a pretty happy pup on your hands ..thanks to you guys ;]

Post # 17
Member
948 posts
Busy bee

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Brickette:  you adopted him. You took him in to be his forever home. You are responsible for what you tame. It is you responsibility to take good care of him and provide him. I’ve had numerlus pets: it’s not about loving one more or

less. It’s about loving them equally for who they are and what they offer.

focus on bonding and cuddling and loving your dog. That releases oxcytocin, aka feelings of love and attachment.

the dog deserves to be loved.

Post # 18
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

He will never be your old dog, and remember that you are still grieving. I think you will find he is a wonderful dog and you will love him. 

Post # 19
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

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BookTea:  Be nice. She’s fostering.

Post # 22
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I got a 2nd dog while my “heart dog” was still alive, and I just didn’t love her like the first dog.  I never bonded with her like that, and sometimes I do think it’s unfair to her.  I don’t know if I should have left her in the shelter, though.  

My “heart dog” passed away suddenly November 2013, and it took a long time to be “ready” for another dog, so I decided to foster.  The first foster dog, I honestly was glad to be rid of him after 2 months.  The second, I just loved her.  She is my new dog. 

I still have the original second dog… but she’s still just the extra dog to me.  Honestly, they don’t get along and I would love to not have her now.

My second dog I adopted straight from the shelter, so I didn’t really have time to see/decide if we would bond. 

You have all the time until someone else wants to adopt your foster, and then I think your feelings will become clear.  I actually had an application for my new dog, and she had been a nice calm foster dog until that point.  I was kinda bummed but that family came, who of course had first dibs on her (my rescue doesn’t let a foster cut the line), and she acted like a wild devil!!!  She acted out and was clearly intent on staying with me 

 

So I would maybe let Fiance make the decision, just make sure he’s making it based on your actual projected future rather than just “cute dog, can’t give it to someone else!”  Foster fail for a good reason!  (FWIW my mom was a temporary foster for a dog and my dad fell in love with him.  Mom likes him, but that dog is a daddy’s boy.  Mom wasn’t ready for a new dog, but it’s not just her (or your) decision, KWIM?)

 

ETA: I actually LOLed when I scrolled to Leroy’s first pic!!!

This is my baby girl.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Kelani23.
Post # 23
Member
2340 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Brickette:  he is adorable and clearly you guys are doing a great job fostering him. His happiness shines through in the pictures.

sorry you are getting some criticism on this post…I think people read your headline and assumed you were giving away YOUR dog. I clicked on the post expecting to be pissed off. Then I read you were fostering. The point of fostering, is not to keep the animal, so thinking about finding a forever home for this guy, certainly doesn’t make you a bitch or a bad person. 

Ive fostered before, and I’ve also had some “foster failures” pets I wound up keeping. I will say with each of the foster failures, I insisted I wasn’t going to keep them, until one day I just couldn’t bear the thought of giving them up. 

 

talk it over with your fiancé and give it some time. Regardless of whether you decide to keep him, or find him a different loving home, you’ve done a wonderful thing and saved this sweet boy!

Post # 24
Member
8600 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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Brickette:  yes, I see now. TBH I had two margs at dinner, forgive me. A lot of people do return adopted dogs and give dogs they purchased to a shelter and it bothers me- I lumped you into that hastily from your title. 

 It’s great you’re fostering and I hope it works out. I would look up techniques about the jumping and I know he’ll warm up. My family adopted many dogs growing up and they all went from lonely, insecure skittish dogs to wonderful beloved pets in a few months. It’s also hard to love again when you lost a pet you adored, nothing compares! I hope you give it more time and it works out.

Post # 25
Member
2794 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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Brickette: Almost 6 years ago I got a puppy. I had grown up with family dogs, but this was my first puppy of my own as an adult and he was just the doggie love of my life: he was gorgeous, SO smart – he had one accident in the house, period and then was house trained, sweet, sensitive and he loved me. My ex ended up running him over (accidentally) when he was 10 months old and it was devestating. I know it’s not 8 years, but “Coco” was my boy – he was my heart dog. I ended up getting another puppy about 2 months later because I wanted to take my mind off of it and give another dog love. The new puppy (Jake) and Coco were the same breed, but their personalities were quite different: Jake was way more hyper, stubborn, very difficult to house train (he wasn’t house trained until he was 18 months old), etc. and I struggled for a long time thinking that I was never going to love him in the same way. My Jakey will be 5 this summer and he is not Coco, but I DO love him just as much as I loved Coco, he is just a different dog. He is very sweet and cuddly now, but still really energetic as well. 

I guess my story is just to tell you that it does take time and you’re not a bad person for not feeling the bond with your new dog straight away – but it also can come if you let yourself open to the idea of it. One day you will remember your Clyde fondly and not primarily with sadness and you will also love a new dog with your whole heart, too. 

Post # 26
Member
2133 posts
Buzzing bee

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Kelani23:  what a sweetheart!

Post # 27
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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Brickette:  

when I was a junior in highschool I lost my childhood dog to breast cancer. I didn’t think I could ever love another dog like I loved my sweet biscuit. 

But I did. I adopted my dog Emma a few years later and she has been amazing. She had puppies and Fi and I kept one. He has also been amazing. 

 

 

I think you just need more time. He looks wonderful. 

Post # 28
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee

His big smile and sparkly happy eyes have me swooning over here lol

How does the adoption process work? Do you have the opportunity to meet people who would want to adopt Leroy and have a say in who he goes to? If so then there’s no harm in just agreeing to foster him for a while longer and see how you feel once you meet someone who’s enquiring about him. You might have a moment where it clicks and you know in your heart you want to be his forever home, or you might not. There’s no harm in that at all.

I kind of feel both you and your hubby should feel bonded to whatever dog you agree to keep forever.

And also perhaps I am a bad furrmum but I totally have a favourite cat and whisper it to him all the time lol. But I do love my 3 cats heaps and heaps and spoil them all…. I just make sure to pay extra special attention to my sensitive boy, Duncan. I wouldn’t worry about having a different love, or about loving a second dog more. It’s about how you care for their physical and emotional needs and I’m sure you would never neglect your second fave pup!

 

Post # 29
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

I think you should trust Fiance on this one..it is hard to form an strong emotional attachment if in the back of your mind you have been thinking that you may be giving him to someone else one day. Also as you seem to have found out since Fiance is ready to commit it could be really hard for him to give him up, which is not a stress you need just because you arn’t 100% sure.

Don’t be worried about getting a second dog, we have 2 dogs (both rescues) and they are 2 peas in a pod. Our first dog we got when he was about 2 and he is just aloof, a great dog but aloof. He is a husky so it fits with his breed. the husky is FI’s dog and I wanted one of my own last year so I got a puppy and she has made the husky a much better dog. They play together and the older dog helped train the puppy. You already have 1 dog to feed and take out, a 2nd isn’t a huge deal, it will just make fur baby happier. 

 

Post # 30
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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Brickette:  I think the true issue here is that you arent quite over Clyde passing away and that is totally fine. Please realize that you are allowed to have another dog, allowed to love Leroy just as much, and you are doing an amazing thing rescuing another dog! He looks adorable. To me, the cons arent anything real – you can easily train him not to jump. 

Perhaps you arent quite ready but your Fiance is – maybe Clyde can be his dog and once you’re ready, you can find him a companion dog to be “your dog”. I think it’s an amazing thing you’ve done – you rescued this dog from death! That’s awesome.

Oh – and to the other ladies saying he’s her responsiblity – she is FOSTERING him. She gets to choose if she wants to adopt, or find him a home.

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