(Closed) I don't know if I want to keep my dog.

posted 5 years ago in Pets
Post # 61
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

 

I’m so so sorry about Clyde. Your situation reminds me of something we went through 2-3 years ago.

I adopted two of the most amazing, silly, sweet, mischeivious little half-siamese troublemakers about 15 years ago. They fought each other over cuddle time with me, comforted me through all the ups and downs of my 20s, and kept me sane through a horrific divorce. Then one morning, I notice that Billie’s tummy is a tad swollen and decided to take her into the vet, just to make sure everything was okay. Very long story short, we found out quickly that she had an advanced, aggressive cancer, and we had almost no warning. From first noticeable symptom to her death took less than two weeks, and those two weeks were the hardest of my life.

It took months before I could even talk about the possibility of adopting in the future without bursting into tears. Around Christmas, we were finally able to discuss it, but I still clearly wasn’t quite ready. And then one of our closest friends called. There was this cat, see, that had been skinny, scrawny, sitting on their front stoop in the 20 degree December, crying for food. They’d given him tuna, but he just stayed on the stoop, crying up at their 2nd story window over and over. They’d finally broken down and let him inside their apartment, where he promptly curled up on the couch.

They wanted to find a home for him, but they couldn’t keep him at their apartment because of the landlord (and yes, we blanketed the neighborhood with signs to find out if he was someone’s lost baby, searched every online ‘lost pet’ listing, etc). Could we take him in just for a few weeks? Well, of course we can.

My friend said “I bet you’ll fall in love with him as soon as you meet him and want to keep him.”

I didn’t. I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready. He wasn’t Billie.

He’d do something insane, like climb over 7 feet of cat gate (how the hell?), and I’d roll with laughter – then suddenly, it would remind me of something Billie had done, and I’d shut it all down. He’d curl up on her favorite chair, and I had to leave the room. He’d climb up on my chest, purring so loud I couldn’t hear myself think, and aggressively headbutt me in the face, and I’d suddenly be reminded of Billie kneading her favorite blanket with that drugged out happy-cat face.

But it occurred to me at some point that I was discounting my bond with him. I didn’t feel as strongly about him as I had about Billie – because Billie had been with me for over a decade, through so much of my life. But he and I had just met. We were just getting to know one another really. I finally realized that it was okay that I didn’t feel the same way about him… yet.

And that I didn’t have to choose between them. Giving myself permission to love him didn’t mean that I loved Billie any less. I had enough room for both.

It wasn’t love at first sight, the way my friend thought that it would be. But now, 2 years later, Schrödie is an integral part of my life. We got to know each other, and I love him every bit as much as I loved Billie. He’s my stripey, shoutey, doubled-thumbed attention-whore, and I adore him.

I wasn’t ready, but he came into my life at just the right time.

Post # 62
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

I was very happy that your post did not match the title! I do some rescue work and my heart sunk at first, but now I understand the situation and I’m so thankful to you for saving this dog!

I think that if you’re not ready, that’s ok. But the fact that you’re opening up is promising.

Similar thing happened to us. We fostered our kitten, agreed that it would be best if she was adopted by a loving family, and then… she just became a part of our family. She’s my heart.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  Nontra.
Post # 63
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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Brickette:  that is damn adorable! Again consistent and tell him Coff’ ‘down’ or whatever your chosen command is. But if he’s often doing it when your aren’t around it’s a bit tricky. You could try spraying the table, chairs and ground around it in a deterrent to stop it. But some dogs don’t care if it smells bad. You can either buy a dog specific one or home make one using lemon/lime or vinegar (or good home made dog deterrent). dogs tend to not like citrus so you’ll notice a lot in the shop will be citrus based anyway. But it will also be a strong smell that you may need to respray every few days, if it does work, and decid. Whether your okay with citrus smelling furniture.

Post # 64
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Also moving the chairs away might help. jasper is a Maltese Shi Tzu and the chairs need to be fully pushed in our away from the table or he jumps on it too. Now obviously Leroy is larger but it may help.

Post # 65
Member
3308 posts
Sugar bee

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TwilightSparkler:  I went through the same thing last year with a kitten we rescued. Less than two weeks after the diagnosis he was gone… I was so devastated. It really rips your heart out when you lose a pet.

Post # 66
Member
3196 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with the previous posters that said maybe you aren’t ready to love another dog like Clyde. Also you may never love Leroy like Clyde, some dogs are our heart dogs, and others are just dogs we love and live with. they aren’t always going to be the same as the other ones we’ve had and it’s natural to like one pet a little more than the other. maybe give yourself some more time to decide, but think about it in a way of are you holding back because you feel like you’re not done grieving for Clyde, or do you just feel like you don’t really like this dog?

Post # 67
Member
536 posts
Busy bee

 

Brickette:  Are you serious? “I just haven’t found that “I want to keep this dog for the next 10-15 years” moment.” WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! This is a living creature not a dress!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its stuff like this that really angers me. Too many people buy or rescue animals and then they want nothing to do with them. Im sorry your other dog has passed. Its hard, I do get that but its time to move on to the dog that you now got. Give this dog a chance. The dog wants nothing more than love. No other dog will replace your first dog but that doesnt mean you cant find a new friend with the new dog. He looks so happy that you gave him a home. Dont take that away from him.

Post # 68
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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FutureWifey2016:  Whoa there. Read for comprehension. She is fostering this dog. The whole purpose of which is to give an animal a safe and loving home until the dog is adopted. Fostering on its own is a lovely thing to do for an animal, not a lifelong commitment. No need for the all-caps shouty judgy crap. 

Post # 69
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

If you’re struggling with the decision to take this dog on full time, what makes you think taking on TWO would be any easier? It sounds like  you’re not ready for another dog yet after your loss, let alone two. 

Post # 70
Member
5940 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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Brickette:  Well, no dog could ever replace your beloved dog and that’s OK.

My hope is that you will keep him. My “favorite” dog passed away in November. Best.dog.ever. I am left with her 3 adopted brothers whom I love, but not like her. One is even a HUGE pain in the butt dog. Aggressive, loud etc. We are hiring a behaviorist and going to try to work with him.

Your list of cons didn’t seem all that bad except that you are missing your favorite one. I love the happy look on this dog’s face and his crooked little teeth! Maybe you wouldn’t need a 2nd dog if you could take him to dog parks and get him out quite a bit.

Trust me, I don’t love my other 3 like I loved my girl (especially the terror dog), but I’m happy to have rescued them and I hope in time you will be too.

Much luck!

Post # 71
Member
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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Brickette:  It took me MONTHS to get that feeling with my dog, honestly. My dog bonded better with my husband, too. And now my dog is my baby!! Leroy will never replace Clyde. Don’t think of it like that. They are separate dogs. Allow them separate places in your heart.

My dog also loves other dogs more than people. But we haven’t gotten a second dog. Instead, we take him to dog parks or to see friends with dogs as often as we can. It works.

With all that said, I think you should keep Leroy. If not for you, then for your husband. I can’t imagine bonding with dog then having my husband try to take it away. Nuh uh no way.

Post # 72
Member
5083 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

First off, I’m so sorry about Clyde, I remember reading your post about it and I can’t imagine how difficult that was. No dog will ever replace Clyde, no matter how much you love them. Clyde will always be your first doggy love. I’m sure he would want his legacy to be spreading all that love to other dogs in need. I think it’s amazing of you guys to foster a dog.

You may not love Leroy yet, but it really seems like you care about him a lot. I’ll admit that when I got my first dog (as a single person) it probably took me a full year before I could say that I really loved him. He was a puppy and very stressful to take care of alone, that kind of got in the way of our bonding. Now he is my world. We adopted another dog last summer. I care about him and take good care of him, but I really haven’t bonded with him in the same way that I have with my first. DH, on the other hand, loves him and he’s totally his dog. The bond is developing more slowly for me, behavioral issues don’t help, but we’re working on them. I’m not sure I’ll ever love the second dog like I love my first, but as long as he is being loved and cared for, that is what matters, especially for an adopted dog.

Stop putting pressure on yourself. You can’t force yourself to love Leroy, you just have to let it happen. As long as you don’t hate him or can’t stand to be around him, I don’t see any reason not to give him a forever home. He sounds like a great dog.

Post # 73
Member
536 posts
Busy bee

 

brlabrat: Brickette:

 I went back and reread what was posted. The post can come across both ways. (whether she adopted the dog or fostered the dog. reading what others wrote, you can tell I am not the only person who thought the dog was adopted). So I am sorry if my post came across rude, it really wasn’t my intentions. I was fired up because of the comment on having a “moment” on a living creature. I am entitled to have my opnion on that. I think its awesome she took this dog in knowing he was going to be put down and savng is life. A lot of people would just turn their heads and walk away. She still misses her first dog and I get that (like I mentioned in the post). To give this dog a chance, she has to let the dog in. I guess I responded too quickly and was too wrapped in the moment comment that I didn’t reread how the post came across. So if my post came across rude, I am sorry.

Post # 74
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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Brickette:  I am so sorry for your loss, reading your post about Clyde broke my heart. I think it is wonderful that you’re fostering another dog and I think you will grow to love him, just give it time. Just don’t make the decision to adopt him until you’ve had enough time to think about it. You are still grieving. Hugs!!

Post # 75
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

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Brickette:  I think your pros really outweigh your cons. No, he’ll never be your Clyde, but he’ll be your Leroy. I think it’d be best for you to keep him. Fiance and I both work full time and we have 3 dogs, it’s really not as bad as you think. You’ve taken him in, and it may take awhile for you to bond with him, but thats okay. Somethings just take time. He now looks at you guys as his family now. He’s had a rough go around, and he’s happy. What if giving him to another family depresses him?

I’ve lost dogs, and gotten “new” dogs. You can’t ever “replace” your lost pets, but thats not the purpose of getting a new one. I couldn’t handle my house so quiet without any pets. The quiet just made me miss my old dogs more.

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