(Closed) I don’t know if my bridesmaid wants to be in the wedding…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know this is stressful for you, but imagine her right now. Honestly, your wedding is probably the last thing on her mind and last priority. Would it be possible for you to buy her dress and she can pay you back later? Or you could actually CALL her and speak to her and ask her straight out if she still wants to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, texts are so impersonal and easy to ignore where a real conversation can get right to the point.

Post # 5
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yeah if it is possible that you think she is trustworthy enough to pay you back (even $10 a week)  I would say buy it and let her pay you back.  She will be kinda messed up for a few weeks but she will get back on track and be fine by the time the wedding comes.

Post # 6
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would just order her dress for her.  She definitely won’t have the money to buy it on her own–not now for sure and probably not for a while.  It would mean a lot to her–that you love her and it’s not all about money or the status of having people up there, but that you truly love her and want her there.  She’s not going to care about weddings right now so the best thing to do is to try and make things as easy as possible for her while making sure that she still feels wanted and appreciated.

Post # 7
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree with the ^^. If it’s super important to you that she be up there with you, buy her dress and take care of that for her. If she can pay you back, that’s great, but I wouldn’t upfront make that deal because it can come off sounding a tad bit insensitive with the hell she’s going through. (I’m sure she would pay you back, I just don’t know how you could go about asking her for the money at a later date without sounding insensitive and like you bought the dress so your wedding would be “perfect” and not because of how much you care about her. Perhaps if there’s no way she could pay you back, eat the cost as part of your effort to be a good friend.) 

If it isn’t possible for you to buy her dress at all, I would basically have a heart to heart and tell her you know the hell she’s going through and you would never want to be a burden, or something like that, you get the drift. Reminding your friend whose world is falling apart that you’re living your fairytale is not a good idea.

Or, third option, if you don’t feel comfortable with either of the two, then just drop it and if she buys the dress she’ll let you know and if she doesn’t plan for one less bridal party member. I know that probably really inconvenient for your wedding but life happens and things get in the way and we can’t predict everything and being human and kind and loving to your friend is more important than everything going 100% perfectly. 

Post # 9
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@FutureMrsTimmins:  I’m sorry, did I say something wrong? I was letting you know my opinion  and I think I did so nicely and in line with what some other bees had said. 

Post # 11
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@bride2befl21340:  I don’t think you said anything wrong. Honestly, I agree with you. OP- those are your options put plainly and politely. I wish you much luck.

Post # 12
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I absolutely did not mean sarcasm. I meant simply for so many of us our fairytales are coming true (I just got married in February) and so many of my friends are wanting themselves to be married, etc. or dealing with personal tragedies, as your friend is, and for me, personally, I had to tread lightly with some of them about how much I shared about my wedding planning process just because it was awkward, or I didn’t want to hurt their feelings etc. So I literally meant that your fairytale is coming true Smile and it’s hard to run the line between not making her feel worse about her situation and still, you know, being allowed to be happy! 

Post # 14
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like she’s got a lot going on right now. Even though she might not be able to be in the wedding, I would not ask her again. If it’s a priority for her, she’ll order the dress. 

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