(Closed) I don't know that I have a groom anymore…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This post reminds me of that movie with Sally Fields….”Not without my Daughter”

 

 

Post # 33
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I am an American with legal permission to live and work in the EU and I find the UK immigrations, especially those at LHR to be difficult. I just thought I needed to adda foreign point the the UK posters who siad it was easy to get into teh UK. I get asked more questions in the UK than anywhere else, including the US. I know I have US citizenship but as a non-resident citizen I do get more questions than normal upon entry.

Post # 34
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@slicey19:  That’s been my experience with the UK too, although I was just visiting and not legally ok to stay/work… I’ve never had any problems with anything inappropriate in the US, nor have I seen anything else go awry for other people, and I fly a good bit. The biggest incident I usually see is people who speak a foreign language (and no English) have a harder time communicating with TSA and therefore spend more time in line, but never anything actually happen. Not saying it doesn’t ever happen, but the stories on this thread have been so outside my experience!

Anyway, OP, I would be frustrated that it seems like your Fiance wasn’t putting in the effort to figure out a good way to come to the US and get married. It would make me feel like it wasn’t that important to him and not worth his time to overcome some obstacles just to get information on the options. Barring that he has a legitimate dramatic reason for not wanting to fly I’d want him to put in the time to make this happen, and also to face that fear that he may have of being judged outside of his home country (interpersonally – obviously, the fear of detainment in other countries is a little different). Sometimes it’s not a bad thing to move out of your comfort zone. You’ve done everything you can to help him, right? Found out information, called around, tried to figure out the best arrangements? The ball is in his court now to make a move.

I’m also interested in how y’all met and got together – backstory?

Post # 35
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@MsGosling510:  I agree with this post.  OP, could you fill us in?  Hopefully you were able to talk to an immigration lawyer or settle something.  And I can totally see why he would be afraid.

Also Not Without my Daughter is about Iran, Iran is completely different from Afganistan.  But it doesn’t matter anyway since OP has no intention of heading to the Middle East.

Post # 36
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

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@Rachel631:  

“the little suspicious devil in me wonders if he thinks UK customs might like to have a quiet word about a few things like that, and about a few mates of his who might have been involved. Could that be a possibility? I mean, are all his mates totally “halal/kosher”, as it were?”

Well that escalated quickly.

And for someone who’s never been to the US you sure seem to know a lot about TSA agents. It’s not like people get snatched from the airport and sent to Guantanamo. The UK has plenty of racial profiling and anti-immigration sentiment. And as for “we don’t just lock people away in secret prisons”…just Irish teenagers, right? 

OP, I feel bad that because your Fiance is Afghan you get to see a bunch of latent/not-so-latent racist sentiments about him. I think, like you said, he might be scared. Change is terrifying, especially if he does not have the mindset he can “do anything, be anything.” I bet he comes around. Just keep reassuring him that you love him and reminding him why he’s making the move. Good luck.

Post # 37
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@MrsDocHorrorShow:  She apoligized in post 30.

I’m wondering where OP when hopefully she resolves things and wasn’t turned off by the discussion.

Post # 38
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@acz: 
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@bookworm88: 
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@ProfessorGirl: 
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@This Time Round:
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@MsGosling510:  THANK YOU!!!!

I think this thread alone should prove to everyone that he has legitimate fears about travel and acceptance in other countries.  Look at some of the posts on this very thread! I promise that if he were from a different country no one would bat an eye, but because he’s an Afghani male, most assume he’s trying to pull a “Not Without My Daughter.”  Seriously, people.  Stop. 

OP, I’m really sorry that you’re having to deal with the prejudice on top of what your going through. 

 

 

Post # 39
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

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@Mrs Christopher:  Half of what I was replying to was in post 30. She didn’t apologize for being racist but for saying stuff about the US.

Post # 40
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

To thread hijack for a MINUTE! I am reading and cracking up! Afgahnistan and India don’t respect their women and they have no rights?? I don’t know about Afghanistan. But having spent time in India… that is madness. No, they are not perfect but neither is the uk (where I was born and raised).

Then statements like there are no problems with the immigration staff at the uk airports? WHAT???!!!! I have seen and experienced most of the crap you get from the staff their, as have family members and friends.

I think the UK is great, but let’s not portray it as some wonderful place (or some hell hole with no immigration controls- ever so slightly xenophobic). We should not act like the West holds the answer to everything. We make errors in the way we do things as do other countries.No where is perfect, but home is truly where the heart is, perhaps that is why we hold the UK so dear.

OP, Get some advice from someone who has experience with this. A conversation with you Fiance is needed to find out what is happening with him. I think the problem is bigger than finding a place to get married.

There is a saying “a bird and a fish may fall in love, but where will they live?” You need to figure out where and how you are going to live your lives together.

 

 

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