Post # 1
Bees, I needed to turn to the hive for answers because I don’t know what to do.
A high school friend reached out to me because I work in the mental health field and was asking me all sorts of questions about my job place. He has a major depressive disorder and after speaking him do for over 2 hours, he confided in me that he was going to commit suicide. He didn’t specify when, but he told me he was serious.
He was so serious about it, that as a mandated reporter, I had to call 911 and have them send out a police car to go see if he was ok and that he hadn’t done what he was planning to do.
His wife was at work and I messaged her and let her know my intentions, and asked her if it was okay. She said that at his point in time, since they have tried everything, she has just about given up on him and if I wanted to try and help, she would accept anything that I could do for him.
After the police went to go see him and make sure he was ok, he messaged me on Facebook and told me that I betrayed him and that I crossed the line. Bees, he has unfriended me, blocked me, and harassed me for doing what I thought was right, and for what I am mandated to do by law.
I don’t know how to feel. I thought I was just protecting what I considered a friend. I couldn’t not do anything and risk him committing suicide… I would have blamed myself forever if he had donsome etching and I just sat there and let it happen.
Bees, do you think I did the right thing? I feel awful 🙁
Post # 3
You definitely did the right thing.
Post # 4
@vorpalette: I can’t but feel awful. I was the one person he trusted, and he says I betrayed him… I know that legally I did the right thing, but my heart is sad that he no longer wants to talk to me ever again…
Post # 5
You absolutely did the right thing.
He may not like you right now, but you’re all better off with him alive and not liking you than him dead.
From a mental health care point of view, I would also argue that he did not want to die. Someone who wants to commit suicide will not call another person and confide in them. They kill themselves. He was crying out for help and you gave him that help.
Usually, when the police shows up on a suicide call, they bring the person to the hospital (at least they do here in Canada) and the person can then be referred to the proper specialist for help. I sure hope they did not just leave his house without giving him the proper resources.
You should not feel bad at all. I hope you can see that you did the only thing you could – how would you feel right now if you didn’t call 911… if he died you would have that on your conscience (not to mention that you would have violated the law as well), and if he did not, you would always wonder if things would have been better if you had called.
He may not want to talk to you now, that’s ok. He will come around. Maybe you can keep contact with his wife to see how he’s doing and offer support?
Post # 6
Yes you absolutely did the right thing!
Post # 7
You definitely did. I did the same thing to a friend back in college, and she didn’t speak to me for four years. She very recently reached out to me again, though, and it was to thank me for calling the cops on her. If he’s as depressed as you say he is, then he’s not in a good state of mind to make decisions about your friendship anyway. You did the right thing, and he’s just too sick right now to see that. Hopefully, you’ve started him down the road to finding treatment so he can make a recovery and see that you’re a good friend. *hugs*
Post # 8
You did the right thing. No question about it.
Post # 9
100% you did the right thing. His depression is blinding him from seeing how selfish it would be to have burdened you with that information and not act on it. Even if you were not a mandated reporter, imagine how you’d feel if you had not acted, and he killed himself. It’s completely unfair of him to be mad at you, but he’s just not mentally healthy enough to see that. Hopefully he is getting help now.
Post # 10
You did the right thing, I also have a mental health backround, and it can make you feel so helpless when someone you care for reaches that point. We can only hope that becuase of the police intervention he will get the help he needs, and hopefully someday you will be able to reconnect or he wil lat least thank-you.
Post # 11
You did the right thing. Hopefully he’ll realize that at some point in time.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
Yes, you did what you should have done both as a friend and as a professional. Can you talk to his wife and try to come up with a plan?
Im sure you know that if he confided that to you he is pretty far along and needs help ASAP. As in… its in his best interest to be committed or have something else similarly huge… I have someone on my dads side and also moms side who the family ended up having to help in that way. They are both doing great now. Sometimes we need help that we dont want. And like a PP said, him telling you his plan to kill himself was a cry for help.
Post # 13
Thanks so much Bees. I need all the support I can get right now. I am not able to contact his wife because he hacked her Facebook and deleted me and blocked me from both her and his account. I have his address, I’m thinking about writing him a letter, but I’m wondering if it would even do him any good.
My best friend and MOH says that even though it sounds awful, I should be relieved that I’m not burdened my him anymore. I am a type of person who is with you through thick and thin no matter what; whereas he only messaged me when he was depressed or having suicidal ideations.
i felt like I was his friend, even though we only talked when he sought me out for help, but my BF says that I was more like a kleenex for him. He used me when he was sad and left me carrying all this unpleasant stuff with me. (Lol, gross analogy, I know!)
i just feel awful and he has no family and no friends, and I am worried that what I have done will send him over the edge…
Post # 14
Yes, you did the right thing. I volunteer on a crisis line, and I am trained to do the same thing you did.
The loss of his friendship is temporary. The loss of his life is permanent. You might have saved his life. Be proud of yourself. He may not thank you now, but he will be grateful later.
good job in a hard situation!
Post # 15
Everything will be okay, might just take time. Not saying a short period of time. Did he say why he wanted to do it ?
Post # 16
Also, he had an inpatient stay in the past, and it ended up horrible for him. There was a huge incident that happened while he was there, and he is scarred for life and told me under no circumstance would be ever go to another mental institution or hospital for psychiatric help ever again.
He lied to the police and negated every claim that I had made… The police called me back to follow up on the report and told me that they didn’t have a enough of a reason to bring him to a hospital for a psych evaluation… I really wish things would have ended on a better note. I am just heartbroken that even though I tried to help, I get harassed by him and shunned 🙁