(Closed) I don't know what to do….

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@SarahVee:  You did the right thing. Hopefully someone gets him the help he needs.

Post # 33
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@SarahVee:  I’d rather risk a friendship and have that person stay alive, than remain friends with anyone I know in my life. I think you were working from this same place of love, and did the right thing. When he pulls himself out of this (and I pray he does), he will thank you. Maybe not verbally, but in his heart.

You did the right thing. He is blessed to have people in his life who care enough to risk their friendship to save his life.

Post # 35
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Just remember you, if he is still hating you, at least he is still alive to feel that way. Better to lose a friend to anger than to suicide- only one of those things is reversible.

Post # 36
Member
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

you absolutely did the right thing.  none of his marital troubles are your fault.  I would check and see if either he or his wife unblocks you, or you could send his wife some information via email.  (when she should call the police, hotlines, etc.)

Post # 37
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You did the right thing. You would’ve felt 100x worse if you did nothing and he did commit suicide. You’ven done all you can. Even his own wife gave up on him. 

Post # 38
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

As many bees have already said, you definitely did the right thing! And if he knew you worked in the mental health profession, surely he should have known you are required by law to report suicidal intentions? It sounds like he was seeking out your help, and maybe even professional help, by contacting you, although he isn’t ready to admit it. Even if that’s not the case, I’m sure in time, maybe after he gets some much-needed help, he will realize that you only did it to help him, and will greatly apreciate your kindness. 

Also, I just want to point out that I think you handled the situation you were put in (of reporting a friend) beautifully. Not many people would have the courtesy to inform the wife before calling the police, and I’m sure she is very thankful for you not simply siccing the police on them without warning.

Please don’t let this upset you too much, I know it’ll be hard to deal with for a while but you made the right decision for yourself and for your friends health.  

Post # 39
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

you did the right thing, he will come to terms with that in his own time.

 

sending hugs your way. *hugs*

Post # 40
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

100% gold star for your actions girl 🙂

Post # 42
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I have been on both sides of this situation, and you absolutely did the right thing. 

As someone who felt betrayed by a friend who drew attention to some very destructive behaviour on my part that led to me getting the help I needed, he will learn to appreciate what you did for him. I can’t swear you’ll be close again, but once his head clears somewhat he will understand your actions.

As someone who has also been rejected by a friend for raising concerns over her mental health (concerns which were well founded, in the end), I only regret that I couldn’t do more than I did, even though I don’t know if she ever forgave me.

You are proving yourself the best kind of friend, and you should be proud. I hope your friend finds the support he needs, and wish you the very best. 

Post # 44
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
@SarahVee:  Am so sorry you were put in this position. But at same time, people out there are so lucky that you are there for them.

He wouldn’t be ok.. he’d be dead. Then you’d be asking yourself different questions. Either or, it’s a painful experience. It feels awful when someone turns on you, and as you know with depressive & personality disorders sometimes it can be a “flip of a switch”. 

I hope some of the pain will go away soon, and you can continue to help others.

You did the best thing, probably better than anyone else could have done. 

Hugs to you!

Post # 45
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SarahVee:  You did what you had to do.  Period.  I had to do the same thing once when a close friend of mine confided in me with her suicide plan.  She was extremely pissed off at me and felt betrayed, and maybe rightfully so, but I’d still much rather have her mad at me than dead!  Sometimes I’m still not sure she’s ever really fully forgiven me for this either, but I knew when I did it that there was a possibility that she might not even want to speak to me ever again and I was willing to accept that consequence if that was the price I would have to pay to save her life.  In either case, it really is your friend’s fault for putting you in that no-win position to begin with just like it was my friend’s fault for doing the same thing to me.  What were we supposed to do, just let them die, knowing what we knew (and knowing that we did nothing to even try to stop it), and then live with that on our conscience for the rest of our lives?  I think not!  You do whatever you have to do in order to protect the lives of the people you care about, and if they choose to hold that against you, it truly is THEIR loss.  Not everyone is as lucky as our friends are to have someone care that much about them!

Post # 46
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I also wanted to add that even though I know it must really hurt to lose his friendship, it really does pale in comparison to how much worse you would have felt if he had actually killed himself and you had not acted to try to stop it.  The 24 year old son of my manager at work actually did commit suicide this summer, and although I’ve been to a lot of funerals in my day, this one was by far the saddest.  I didn’t even know him and even I was crying!  The pain on all the faces of his friends and family was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.  The thought that remains with me is my wish that the young man had gotten some help. 🙁  But no one can help him now.  He’s gone, a young life thrown away, and he left behind an awful lot of people with broken hearts that will never heal.  My manager hasn’t even back to work since because he’s too devastated over the loss of his son.  You didn’t just save your friend, you also saved his wife from having to go through the pure HELL that my manager is going through now!

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