Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years on and off and we both go to a very small college (approx. 800 students). We broke up in the summer because he was talking to another girl behind my back when I found out and I told him I wanted to see what’s out there for me. I started talking and eventually dating another guy at our school but I was still so in love with my ex that I didn’t want that relationship and we ended up not working out. I tried to focus on myself and exercise and get better at being me but then I was told he was having sex with another girl. When I heard about it I was super heated to the point where I was shaking but when I talked to him about it I wasn’t mad, I was happy to just be talking to him again and we eventually got back together. The thing is, I see her everyday and my blood boils EVERYTIME and I know I have no right to be mad at him because I was dating another guy. The point is im trying to find coping mechanisms because I want us to last but it really is hurting me. Please no negative comments, thank you.
Post # 2
I take it you weren’t a fan of the advice you got on your first thread on this topic 2 months ago?
Post # 4
pussinboots83 : I guess being annoying and not fucking reading the end of my column didn’t help. Buzz off ✌🏽
Post # 5
ConfusedMood : honestly you have to just get over it. He wasn’t with you, she didn’t hurt you in any way.
If you can’t get over it, maybe you really still need to be alone.
Post # 6
This is what happens in on again, off again relationships. You weren’t together. Even if you hadn’t been with someone else it was none of your business what he did because he wasn’t in a relationship with you.
So you either put this behind you or you end the relationship permanently.
Post # 7
This relationship seems really unstable. You need to think about the issues that keeping causing you guys to split up. Are you addressing those problems and resolving them, or are you sweeping them under the rug because being together is easy and familiar? If it’s the latter then you have a problem. You can love someone and not be good together or right for each other. If you’re constantly off and on, then the relationship may have run its course and it’s time to move on, especially if you find it hard to forgive and forget about what he did while you two were apart.
Post # 8
Unhealthy. Go your separate ways. People aren’t being negative, just giving you the truth and being blunt. There is a big difference in “negative comments” versus comments you just don’t want to hear. You need to separate the two.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t have much hope that a relationship will last if in the first two years its been on and off. The girl your SO was sleeping with while you two were broken up is not the issue. The issue is that your SO had initially been talking to someone else behind your back, he betrayed your trust. THAT warrants your anger but hey, you are the one who chose to restart a relationship with him.
Post # 10
Well everyone has a past. Either accept it or move on. Live by the golden rule – treat others how you want to be treated. Do you want to be chastised and resented for the rest of your life for decisions you have made? If you can’t accept it on your own, therapy is a good place to get the tools you need to do it.
Post # 11
If the relationship was kind of ‘off’ for you to explore dating other guys, he had every right to sleep with whoever he wanted. More important than that, this is not her fault, so your anger is totally misdirected here.
Coping mechanisms? Realise that holding resentment to a person who did nothing wrong is futile. Work on your anger and trust issues, possibly with a therapist.
Or break up.
Post # 12
Personally, I’m not sure I’d have restarted a relationship with a guy who went behind my back while we were together, but I’m not you and you’ve obviously forgiven him for that, so I’m gonna just leave that one where it is. The thing is, he had every right to sleep with someone else while you were actually separated, so he didn’t do anything wrong there. Realistically, if you want to stay with this guy, your only option is to get over the fact that he slept with someone else, and I’m not sure anyone would have any specific advice or “coping mechanisms” for that. It’s either something you can get over and make peace with or it isn’t. And if isn’t, this relationship isn’t worth pursuing any further.
Post # 13
HI Bee, I’ve broken up and reunited with my Boyfriend or Best Friend several times in our years together… he’s been a little jealous of guys I dated when we were apart, and I’ve been curious about who he met or dated in between being “on”. It never affected either of us deeply though, because our feelings for the other have always been stronger.
It seems you’re still hurt because you don’t feel secure in your relationship with him. He went behind your back once, maybe he’ll do it again? If you don’t feel truly happy he’s back in your life, or think he’s not fully committed to you, why would you stay?
Better to deal with short-term pain of a breakup for the long-term gain of finding a better connection! College is short, but life is long. Don’t despair if this doesn’t work out, there are SO MANY interesting people out there to meet.
Post # 14
teacher-bee-in-the-sea : thank you for a mature answer. It means a lot and I’ll consider this.
Post # 15
orangeblossomhoney : thank you so much. It’s really hard to get over him because he was my first everything (real bf, took my virginity, etc). I cried for months straight because I missed him so much and it sucks not having him…idk how to cope.