I don't know what to do…..

posted 5 months ago in Venue
  • poll: Can I cancel a second wedding?
    YES ! go for your dream venue : (8 votes)
    67 %
    NO! everything cant be perfect, let it slide : (4 votes)
    33 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    948 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

    Who’s paying for the wedding?

    Post # 4
    Member
    2913 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    meganailishx :  You wouldn’t be cancelling the wedding, just changing the venue. Have invites gone out yet? If $1600 wasn’t going to cause me any type of significant hardship I’d go ahead and change it and move forward with the venue I wanted.

    I would also take control of my wedding and the guest list, you’re allowing your future in laws way too much control. 

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    3047 posts
    Sugar bee

    meganailishx :  

    Dont book it on the basis of less people will come because its too far to travel. Some may gripe about it, but for the most part they are going to show up.

    If invites havent gone out yet and it wont be a financial hit to lose the first deposit, go for it. But you need to stand firm and be ready for a upset from the families (which is ridiculous by the way) Are they paying for anything? They should honestly just suck it up, but thats easy for us to say online when you are the one who has to deal with them for the rest of your life lol. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    379 posts
    Helper bee

    meganailishx :  !!!!!  Your money, your choices.  This is situation is totally fixable, you just have to set boundaries.  While it is understandably uncomfortable to confront your mom and mother-in-law, IT IS YOUR WEDDING AND YOUR MONEY.  $1,600 is a lot to forfeit, but if the invites haven’t gone out yet, there is still time for you to have the wedding you want.  Please go look at that other venue and cut the excess people off your guest list.  Have Fiance tell Mother-In-Law that you appreciate her offer to cover the costs for the extended family, but you would rather have a smaller reception. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    948 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

    Your mother and mother in law do what they want because you let them point blank. Set your boundries. This isn’t their wedding. You have to ask yourself what do your and your husband want, no really ask your self that. Not what other people want or what is better for everyone else. Yes it is you and your husband’s wedding not your mother or mother inlaw’s.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2913 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    meganailishx :  If you guys are paying you don’t owe them anything, sure it’s nice to take their ideas into consideration but they shouldn’t be forcing you to invite anyone, even if they offer a couple hundred bucks to help with the food. 

    If invites haven’t gone out to these extended family members yet, which it sounds like they haven’t, I would switch my venue and you and your fiance tell your mothers very firmly “We’ve decided to go with X venue, we’ve finalized our guest list and wont be able to accomodate uncle, aunt, great aunt, etc” Then give them their money back. 

    My husband had to do this with his mom when she kept adding people to our list and making us feel guilty about not inviting them, it’s not easy but it’s necessary.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4500 posts
    Honey bee

    I’ve never understood the point of “eloping” if you’re going to tell people ahead of time what you’re doing.  It’s basically the same as bragging about your party in front of people not invited and then throwing their not invited status in their face.  I think that’s where you went wrong – by telling people ahead of time.  If you wanted to elope, you should have just done and informed people after the fact.  If you want it on a specific day, elope on that specific day.  Make your decisions and deal with the results like the adult you are who is old enough to marry.

    Honestly at this point I would cancel, pay the money back for the dress and flowers, elope at the venue you like, and inform people after.

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