(Closed) I don’t know what to do…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it is natural to fight and its also pretty common to be completely blindsided about reality when you truly love someone.

The only thing that sticks out would be his expressions of interest in past women. Is this because your fighting and he says” it was so much easier when I was with ______” or is it he actually would like to genuinely be with someone?

Post # 5
Member
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

How close is your wedding?

It seems like you guys are really stressed from fighting, so that would be why he is using comparative language. I think its quite mean of him, but I’m not sure what your end of the conversation is, so I’m in no position to judge.

Post # 7
Member
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think some disagreements are normal, but I’m a fan of mature and blunt conversation using “I” statements. 

What really made me pause is “he tells me he should have ran from me a long time ago.” …That’s not okay.  I don’t tolerate someone who resorts to insults or hurting me because they are upset.  I think you should work on your communication skills because this isn’t a healthy way to work through any of your problems. 

Post # 8
Member
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If you’re looking for more concrete suggestions, have both of you sit down and talk about what’s going on in your lives. Heck, if it helps get out a piece of paper and write out the answers to questions like these:

– I want to get married because…

– It makes me happy when you…

– I feel loved when…

– I feel upset when…

– I am stressed because…

Is he projecting his insecurities of a lifelong commitment onto your relationship? Is something happening at work or outside of your relationship? Is all the wedding planning just burning you out? What did you do before you fought? Can you have a date night where you get to rekindle some of your friendship? 

Post # 9
Member
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@bookworm88: Agreed

Post # 11
Member
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
@sadsecretposter: Could you send him an email or write it down for him when you have a problem? Maybe he feels ambushed, and a PhD is a lot on his plate.  Next time you’re worried, send him an email and tell him he can read it and respond to it on his own time.  Maybe he will be able to think things through better.

To be clear, though, I think you’re not getting treated very well.  You should always feel able to bring up something that bothers you. 

Post # 12
Member
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

How long have you been seeing each other? If this is new, then it may be related to stress.

But do keep in mind, life will always have stressful times and you never want to feel like you can’t talk.

Post # 15
Member
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Any way you could postpone the wedding so you can spend some more time developing your relationship and the pinnacle of your relationship (marriage) won’t be so centered around his PHD issues?

 

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