(Closed) I don’t know what to do

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 78
Member
8735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@blacktipcongac:  So you’d rather go through with a sham of a wedding and get a divorce later because you’ve already spent $50k?

By the way, divorce lawyers do not come cheap.

ETA: So you will stop sleeping with her but only when your Fiance is in town?

What happens if you have a fight? You will go running to her. 

What happens if he goes out of town for business? You are back to cheating on your now HUSBAND with your bff.

You are still being very selfish and are trying to “have your cake and eat it too”.

Your Fiance deserves better than this, this is not at all fair to him.

Post # 79
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@blacktipcongac:  Next week? I’m sorry, but you need to end it now if that’s what you are actually planning on doing. I don’t think that it’s a good idea to go into this marriage without telling your Fiance. Even if he knows about what you did in college he doesn’t know what you’ve been doing while you’re preparing to get married to him. However, it is your own personal choice and you have to do what is right for you whether I agree with it or not.

Post # 81
Member
2852 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So you know it’s wrong, you’ve made your decision and chosen your fiance, you’re still going to keep him in the dark on your infidelity, let him marry a woman who cheated on him, AND you’re just going to keep sleeping with her for another week because you have an inability to not cheat when you are left on your own?

I think you might have just blown my mind. Is this a joke?

Post # 82
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@blacktipcongac:  Divorce doesn’t exist? Can you please explain what you mean by that.

 

Post # 83
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@blacktipcongac:  Okay, so you are going to sleep with her this weekend because your Fiance is out of town?  Okay, so what happens when you are married and your Fiance is out of town?  I am sorry but this is pissing me off, and I never talk like this on here.  You are cheating on your Fiance and you really don’t seem remorseful at all.  Honestly, I understand wedding planning is hard and stressful and can cause fights but it doesn’t give you any excuse for what you did. 

Post # 84
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

You owe it to him to tell him immediately. Then let him decide whether he chooses to still marry you or not. I don’t think you have the right to not tell him and go through the wedding just because it cost so much. Whether the wedding is free or $50,000 you shouldn’t marry him until you have fessed up. It isn’t fair to him. You chose to cheat, now you need to suffer the consequences (tell him). I think it is the only right thing to do.

Post # 85
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@blacktipcongac:  After reading your latest update, I find this just unbelieveable. You are going to continue to see her and refuse to tell him? Sorry, but that is just wrong.

Post # 86
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

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@blacktipcongac:  I’m sorry, fo’ rillz? You’re gonna stop cheating when it’s convenient? I *hate* it when people say things like, “I can’t sleep with out him. I can’t stand to be away from him.” You’re an adult. You can, figure it out. In this case, it’s beyond ridiculous. *You* are beyond ridiculous. Clearly your relationship with him is not the most important thing in your situation, so for his sake, I hope he finds out and ends it. It’d be the best thing for both of you.

-Sincerely hoping you’re a troll

Post # 87
Member
673 posts
Busy bee

Is the wedding planning stress your excuse for sleeping around? Seriously?

If you honestly go through with the plan to just stop cheating later when it’s no longer beneficial to you getting off, then I hope you give him a free pass to screw whoever he wants regardless of what he’s told you about fidelity. You don’t think you should have to be honest with him, so don’t expect that he’ll be honest with you.

ETA: At this point, I’m laughing so hard at the absurdity of this that I’ve got to assume this is actually a troll.

Post # 88
Member
8735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@blacktipcongac:  Divorce doesn’t exist?

It DOES exist. Are you saying it’s not an option for you?

Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if after your SO finds out (and he will find out) that he serves you with divorce papers so fast your head spins!

You are currently cheating and seem to have no intention to stop the relationship. You are more dedicated to your BFF then you are to your Fiance and that is a HUGE red flag.

Having the wedding just because you spent money on it, people have booked their tickets, and to “safe face” is horrible selfish and unfair to your Fiance. 

You really need to think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

You honestly think you’d be just fine if your Fiance ran to another man after a fight with you and had carried on a SEXUAL and EMOTIONAL AFFAIRE ever since?

Post # 89
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You’re thought process seems very flawed. How would you like to be in your fiances shoes? would you like him to keep it all from you? Ultimately it is your life and you will do what you want to but I just cant see going through a marriage with such a big secret.  What is a marriage with lies and secrets? 

Post # 90
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Please oh please oh please let this be a joke.

Post # 91
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

*I didn’t read all of the responses, I’m sorry*

 

This is actively cheating…IE carrying on an affair.  It doesn’t matter who it’s happening with, that’s exactly what you’re doing, it wasn’t something that ‘just happened’ because you’ve already admitted that it continues to happen.  And, I’m sorry if you don’t like this, but you are being completely 100% selfish right now.  You want to ruin your FI’s life by marrying him while actively cheating on him, you don’t want to lose BFF so you don’t want to STOP actively cheating on him, and you’re probably holding your BFF back from forming a real relationship with another person.  You’re the only person who seems to be benefitting from this situation, and it’s wrong.  Your Fiance needs to be informed of this. Immediately.  If you two can genuinely work through the affair and continue together, the BFF has to go.  End of story.  If you’re unwilling to live without her, you need to let your Fiance find a woman who wants to marry him and not cheat on him.  This isn’t your choice anymore.  You made the bed, you need to face the consequences.  

Out of curiosity, are you afraid your family will judge you more for calling off the wedding because it’s for a woman?  If you have genuine feelings for a woman, there is no shame in that, as long as you’re doing the right thing by everyone.  

The topic ‘I don’t know what to do’ is closed to new replies.

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