- Miss Fish
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
I just need to get this out there. I’ll try to keep it as concise as possible.
I don’t know my biological father, and my stepdad has been the male figure in my life since I was six. He married my mom and now they have three younger children together, aged 3, 7, and 9.
It was difficult to tell before the kids came into the picture, but the fact is, my stepdad is a very selfish man. He always takes care of himself before the family- as an example, the man has two 4-wheelers, a motorcycle, a truck, and a minivan to himself. My mother also has one vehicle that is not nearly as nice as any of the things he has. And although he has enough money to pay for all of those things, he can’t even help to finance my college education, my wisdom teeth removal, my chiropractic visits (which are DESPARATELY needed), my mother’s surgery which she has needed since I was born, or special education programs for my younger sister who has a learning disability. I could go on, but it’s not really the point.
There have been MANY instances where he has verbally abused and harassed me over virtually nothing- the one that sticks out is during the ’08 elections, he and my mom were arguing heatedly about who was in the lead, when the statistics were on the TV… I said, JOKINGLY, “…you do realize that there’s a graph on the screen to end this argument, right?” Valid point. But NOPE. He started screaming at me and calling me a self-centered, self-righteous little bitch who needs to evaluate her own mistakes before saying anything, because “You’re sure as hell nowhere near perfect, you bitch.”
Fast forward to two days ago, I was making a salsa dip to go to a friend’s house for movie night, and my younger sister bumped into me as I was taking the dish out of the oven. She didn’t mean to, so it was no big deal, but I spilled it all over the kitchen, burnt my hands, and splashed salsa on my pants. I was mad, obviously.
From his customary place in his lazy-boy, he told the kids to go upstairs. My other sister stood over me going, “oooooohhhh, you’re in trroooooouuubbbllleee.” So I was like, “Maya, go upstairs like you were told (BY HIM!!!). Stop being so obnoxious and let me clean this up!!”
Shit. Hit. The. Fan. Once again, I was self-centered and don’t care about anyone but myself. The insults went on… so I went into the bathroom to clean my pants off and get away from him (it should be noted that I only own one pair of jeans at the moment, because he doesn’t even care if his 19 year old daughter has clothes to put on her body). He followed me into the hallway and asked whether I was going to help my mom clean up the mess or if I was going to be lazy like I always am. I just said “I’m working on it” and went to help. Then he stood over me like some sort of overlord and pointed out how stupid I am.
I’ve been working since I was 15. I pay for myself to go to a very good private school on an academic scholarship that covers a significant chunk of my tuition. I have a 3.8 GPA and work on campus to pay my bills. I pay for ALL of the things I have- last week I finally bought myself a new mattress because I’ve been saying I needed a new one for the past 5 years. But obviously his motorcycle was more important. I’m not lazy, and I’m not self-centered. It just hurts to hear things like that from someone who is supposed to love you.
In any other situation, I’m not one to roll over and play dead. But I just don’t know what to do here. He doesn’t do this to the kids who are actually his, but then again they’re a lot younger and there’s no telling if this pattern will continue with them or if I’m just the target of his hatred. I feel that standing up to him would rip the family apart and he would force the kids to choose me or him, and I don’t want him to play those mind games with them! I love my brothers and sisters. And I really think that putting up with this keeps them mentally sound. But I don’t know how much longer I can do it.
Mr. Fish is livid and confused that I don’t say anything to stand up for myself in this situation, but it has been demonstrated time and time again that the argument will continue until he gets the last word. I have talked to my mom about standing up for me, but she is not a strong enough person to do that. He controls her life completely. She’s a stay at home mom with no form of income to live off of even if she were to leave him. And when I talk to her about it she twists things around to make ME feel like the bad guy here.
Mr. Fish comes from a perfectly functional family and can’t fathom why I’m taking this laying down. I’ve tried to explain it so many times but he doesn’t get it. He HATES my stepdad and always has, but he has agreed not to say anything and stay out of the situation so that I can figure out what to do.
But I don’t have a damn clue what I’m supposed to do here.