- 6 years ago
This is a long and confusing story, and I appologize in advance if it doesn’t make sense. I can try to answer some questions, but I really don’t want to give away who I am, and this needs to be as annonymous as possible.
My parents divorced when I was young, my dad remarried. My step mother had two daughters, who are 12 and 15 years older then me (I have a slightly older sister as well as a twin brother). The younger of my two step sisters, who is the middle sister, A, has always treated me like we were blood sisters, she’s an amazing person and I love her. My full blood sister, E and my oldest step sister T, on the other hand, have not treated me nicely at all.
E is a bully. She has always bullied me, and gets a lot of joy out of making me cry as much as she can. I’ve heard it all about how to deal with it, but the truth is, I have always just wanted my older sister to like me. I think most younger sisters go through this. We believe my sister has undiagnosed mental issues. She was in and out of the hospital as a kid due to eating disorders, and was diagnosed with OCD and depression as a teen, however both my mom and I strongly feel she actually has Bipolar disorder. Since I moved away from home, E and I have had a huge shift in our relationship. Before, she simply bullied me and taunted me and made my life as hard as she possibly could. There was no upside to our relationship, it was one of bully and bullied.
Once we no longer lived in the same house, it was like we were best friends. She would message me on facebook and skype, and ask me to come hang with her, and how life was going, and I started to believe that maybe I might have the sister I’ve always wanted out of her. I went to coffee with, or watched TV together at first, but things slowly started getting better. The thing is, she flips on me so quickly. One moment she’ll be fine and we’ll be joking, and the next she is reverted back to the bully she’s always been. I never know when I’m spending time with her, if she will be nice and friendly, or if she will storm off, throw things at me, call me names, accuse me of things, or what I’ve now found out she does- text T and tell her how awful I am. Even when I’ve done nothing out of the ordinary.
This week, there was a death in our family and we drove a few hours north of us so we could attend the funeral. It was me, my mom and E in the car together. It started out fine, my mom and I grabbed dinner before picking E up from work, and we had a decent time for about half an hour. And then things started to go down. If you’ve ever traveled in a car with three people, you know the person in the backseat can not easily join in the conversations due to not being able to hear it. My mom and I did not exclude E on purpose, but within half an hour she was bitching in the backseat about how she never would have driven up with us if she had known it would just be us talking, and leaving her out. I spent the rest of the drive trying to get her to join in talking, but she decided she didn’t want to talk to me. My mom and I tried to get to talk to us, but she looked out the window, texted, and kicked my seat the whole way up. She also accused me of mouth breathing, farting, and taking up space, as well as told me my dinner smelled like shit, and I was going to get even fatter and uglier if I continued to eat it. When we got to the hotel, she then decided to talk to me again, and was friendly towards me for a bit.
This happens a lot with E. I say or do the wrong thing, and she yells at me. This happened at the open house for the funeral, we were talking with some aunts of ours, and apparently I interrupted her, and then gave her a ‘look’. E flipped out on me, yelled at me for thinking I am so much better then her, and always treating her like crap, and then left the room. This was in front of a whole bunch of our family, it almost made me cry, and everyone talked about it for a bit, as she made a huge scene out of it. I’m still not sure what I said, and I’m pretty sure the look I gave her was just what my face does when I’m listening, but whatever. It embarrased my mom and me, while ten minutes later E was back to her happy self, and the freak out was done with. Or so I thought.
She then took the liberty to contact my older step sister T. T and E have always had a really good relationship, and E has always gone to her with her problems. T decided last year to believe everything E says to her about me is true, and has not talked to me in person since Christmas 2011, and hasn’t said anything nice to me since probably 2010. I have had very little interaction with her, because E has convince her I’m a selfish, arrogant bitch who only wants money, and only thinks of myself.
Anyways, E messaged T and told her that I complained about not receiving money from my dad (long story, but I get money from my father due to a court order that was set up when we were still children. The child support stopped either when we turned 18, or when we graduated from college. I am the only of my siblings who attended college, so I am the only one still receving money from my dad. This is a court mandated thing, and I had nothing to do with it. Anyways, My brother told us he was asking for money, and I jokingly said that I wanted my dad to give me money, and E told T this, and that I am thankless and a bitch and think I am the only important child in our family). T messaged me yesterday, flipping out about how I need to get off my high horse, and how she has always been a silent observer in how awful of a person I am, and how nothing I can say or do can make her think otherwise, since E is the only honest person in our family.
I’m so heart broken about this whole thing. I am leaving until Christmas, and E did not say goodbye to me, and said she would when I apologized. I have told you guys the whole story, and I still don’t know what I need to apologize for. I don’t think I’m an awful person- although my sisters are starting to convince me that maybe I am. T has told me that I am no longer someone she counts as family.
I seriously have lost a lot of tears over this. I don’t understand why they hate me so much. I have done nothing that I know of that makes them hate me. It’s all because E has hated me since I was born, and T believes everything E says.
Why I wrote this all was because of this- Am I silly for holding on to the thought of having a sister relationship I’ve always wanted with E? Part of me wants to give up- I have tried so hard for the last 20+ years of my life to get her to like me, and want to be my friend. She gives me these small glimmers of hope that she might finally want to be my friend (a few days before this whole thing we went shopping together, and I was teaching her to drive and we had a great time!), and then all of a sudden she becomes this monster towards me. She’s ripped up pictures of us, refused to speak to me for months on end, talked bad about me to my family and friends, broken things I’ve given to her and mailed them to me, left me awful voice mails and facebook messages, and even more. There is a part of me that knows this bullying is insane. I know I do not deserve this treatment from her. But then there’s that little part of me that just wants my older sister to like me.
And then there’s T. I feel like I don’t ever want to talk to her again. She is only my step sister, and I could easily cut her out of my life. I mean, she doesn’t talk to me anyways, and it would be easy to stop my attempts at it. But again, she is still my step sister. She’s been in the picture since I was tiny. I’ve never known her as anything less then my sister, even if she just thinks of me as trash.
Bees, what do I do? Do I give up? Do I hold out for E to like me? Am I asking too much for my older sister to just like me?