I don't know what to do anymore

posted 2 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If you were to connect with him, do you think it would be a good idea to date the good friend of your abusive ex?

Post # 3
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Go grocery shopping.  😁

Post # 4
1662 posts
Bumble bee

” we laughed, we love the same movies, the same music everything”

This isn’t really the foundation for a relationship, so I would guess you don’t know enough about this guy to make pursuing him like this worth it. It’s good to be able to laugh together, but my fiance and I don’t really like the same movies/tv shows/music, etc. but it doesn’t matter to us.  You ARE coming off as crazy desperate if you think he could be “the one” from such limited interactions. 

Abusive relationships have the unfortunate effect of wearing down one’s self-esteem. Have you taken the time to try to learn from/recover from that? The last thing you want is to end up in another shit relationship because your standards of what’s worth working for have been lowered. 

Post # 5
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

AORiver15 :  +1 Why insert yourself back into the sphere of your ex?

Post # 6
7711 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

do you have any mutual friends you could ask for his number? In my opinion, YOLO so might as well go for it girl!

Post # 8
4080 posts
Honey bee

I also don’t understand why you’d want to involve yourself with your abusive ex’s friend. It doesn’t even sound like you really know the guy.

Post # 10
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

He plays hockey with your ex and spends time socially with him. How do you figure this would work? And why would you want it to? I know how damaging abusive relationships are and it seems like you are just hoping to be somewhere familiar and in your mind that somewhere is with  a someone who really isn’t a good prospect.  You will constantly be around your ex and conversations will inevitably come up about him. Why not break all ties and move forward with your life completely? 

Post # 11
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

If he was interested, he would find a way to get your number, wouldn’t he? I’d just let it go… You don’t need more drama in your life.

Post # 12
1481 posts
Bumble bee

Since you messaged him on POF already I would say the ball is in his court. Doing more contacting above that might make you look a little cray. Not going to lie. 


Post # 13
1380 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t contact him. You met him while dating your ex, you broke up with your ex, and now you’re intersted in this guy. You haven’t given yourself any time to recover and heal from an abusive relationship. You’ve also not given yourself any time to be on your own and make sure that you’re happy with who you are as a single person.

I personally think it’s a good idea to spend time after a relationship ends to rediscover yourself because in the time you’ve had a long and serious relationship, you change and grow. So it’s a good idea to just be you and be single before jumping right back into a relationship. Especially if the relationship was abusive.

Also, you know very little about this man. But you do know that he’s friends with your abusive ex. Do you really want to put yourself in reach of the abuse you’ve gotten away from?

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