Post # 1
From April 2016 until November 2016 I was in an abusive relationship with a guy named Paul. In the summer of 2016 we were invited to a bonfire at his friend and teammate Mike’s house Mike and his two other brothers play hockey with my ex boyfriend. Right away meeting like we hit it off we laughed, we love the same movies, the same music everything whenever I go to the supermarket and Mike was working we would always chat for a few minutes and he would always give me the eye. After my relationship ended back in November I haven’t spoken to my ex my problem is I can’t get Mike out of my head. I don’t know what to do, do I drive over an hour away to his job, hope he’s there and strike up a conversation? He does not have a Facebook though he does have a Plenty of Fish he hasn’t been on in months because I messaged him a few months back and I never received any message or anything from him. I really like this guy and I think we can be happy together I just don’t want to seem desperate I don’t have his phone number, he doesn’t have a Facebook and my ex and I didn’t end on the best terms so I can’t ask him to give his friend my number. Please ladies give me some advice I think this guy could be the one I just don’t want to seem like crazy desperate stalker girl.
Post # 2
If you were to connect with him, do you think it would be a good idea to date the good friend of your abusive ex?
Post # 4
” we laughed, we love the same movies, the same music everything”
This isn’t really the foundation for a relationship, so I would guess you don’t know enough about this guy to make pursuing him like this worth it. It’s good to be able to laugh together, but my fiance and I don’t really like the same movies/tv shows/music, etc. but it doesn’t matter to us. You ARE coming off as crazy desperate if you think he could be “the one” from such limited interactions.
Abusive relationships have the unfortunate effect of wearing down one’s self-esteem. Have you taken the time to try to learn from/recover from that? The last thing you want is to end up in another shit relationship because your standards of what’s worth working for have been lowered.
Post # 5
+1 Why insert yourself back into the sphere of your ex?
Post # 6
do you have any mutual friends you could ask for his number? In my opinion, YOLO so might as well go for it girl!
Post # 7
I don’t think my ex would care
Post # 8
I also don’t understand why you’d want to involve yourself with your abusive ex’s friend. It doesn’t even sound like you really know the guy.
Post # 10
He plays hockey with your ex and spends time socially with him. How do you figure this would work? And why would you want it to? I know how damaging abusive relationships are and it seems like you are just hoping to be somewhere familiar and in your mind that somewhere is with a someone who really isn’t a good prospect. You will constantly be around your ex and conversations will inevitably come up about him. Why not break all ties and move forward with your life completely?
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
If he was interested, he would find a way to get your number, wouldn’t he? I’d just let it go… You don’t need more drama in your life.
Post # 12
Since you messaged him on POF already I would say the ball is in his court. Doing more contacting above that might make you look a little cray. Not going to lie.
Post # 13
Don’t contact him. You met him while dating your ex, you broke up with your ex, and now you’re intersted in this guy. You haven’t given yourself any time to recover and heal from an abusive relationship. You’ve also not given yourself any time to be on your own and make sure that you’re happy with who you are as a single person.
I personally think it’s a good idea to spend time after a relationship ends to rediscover yourself because in the time you’ve had a long and serious relationship, you change and grow. So it’s a good idea to just be you and be single before jumping right back into a relationship. Especially if the relationship was abusive.
Also, you know very little about this man. But you do know that he’s friends with your abusive ex. Do you really want to put yourself in reach of the abuse you’ve gotten away from?