(Closed) I don’t know what to do. I need help.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My brother is in recovery (NA and AA). It’s hard, really, really hard. I know what you are going through. He abused substances and drank for 17 years. He went through a program when he turned 30 because he was about to go to prision for his actions. He was in and out of treatment for years, I seriously thought he was going to overdose and die. I didn’t think that this treatment would work. Three years later, he’s still sober.

Your sister is young. You can not change her. You also cannot be an enabler, because that only makes things worse. She has to change because she wants to. Many times people have to hit rock bottom for that to happen. Their bottom might be lower than yours. I don’t mean to be debbie downer, but there’s nothing that you can really do. She has to want to change for it to be lasting.

Post # 4
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

She’s not going to get help unless it’s seriously forced on her (involuntary admission) or she’s ready.  I’m so sorry you are having to deal with all of this.  It’s hard to see a family member have such a destructive lifestyle.  Have you considered going to Alanon?  

Post # 5
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

so this is such a “black and white” change. Have you considered that something may have happened to her and acted as a trigger for her going down hill?

If you still can reach her, I’d encourage you to talk to her:

in a very non-“get help/you’re crazy” way, but rather just talk as two EQUALS.

value what she has to say, and be understanding. No judging.

How is she doing? memories, and stuff you can relate, etc.

establish trust again. Try to get a bit deeper and understand. There’s always a reason.

 

Post # 6
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hedgie, I am so sorry.  I hate to say this, but IMO there is not much you can do for her.  She has to want help in order for it to work.  It may be for her that she needs to hit rock bottom to give her a foundation to build upon.  You are going to need to take a tough love approach with her.  No she cannot stay with you, no money, no support other than listening to her and even that should have its limits.  Do not allow her to be passive aggressive, pass the buck, whiney or blaming anyone other than herself.  I have been there with my own brother and I truely believe this.  If you need anyone to talk to, you are more than ok to PM me or text me.  ((HUGS))

Post # 8
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First off, let me say I am so very sorry you/ your family are going through this. It’s eerie how similar your situation is to what I recently dealt with, with my 19 year old sister.

She began drinking at 14 (unbeknownst to us), dropped out of HS her Sophmore year and just now got her GED.. Oh, and smoked cigarettes/weed, and did many other hardcore drugs. She got pregnant at 18, had an abortion, and spiraled downhill from there. I tried and TRIED to talk with her, reason with her, everything. She often got physical with me and said horrible things to myself and immediate family members. She even went as far as to tell our Mom that my Fiance wanted to “F**k her.” Completely untrue, and that was the last straw. We didn’t talk for about 4 months, and have just started communicating again. She said she has been clean for 2.5 months, and is also pregnant again. Keeping the baby this time. She seems to have gained some maturity, and wants to set her self straight & get her life back on track.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I can relate, and sometimes no matter how hard you want to help someone, they have to WANT to help themselves. We tried rehab, she wouldn’t stick it out. We tried talking, it didn’t work. Once your sister wants help, she’ll slowly start to change. Once again, I’m so sorry for you *hugs* I know what it feels like.. Your & your family will be in my prayers and I sincerely hope for a turn around for your sister!

Post # 10
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@Mrs Hedgehog: I am sorry to say it really is going to be a ride. My sister has struggled with substance abuse and a personality disorder for about 10 years. Things will get better and then slow start getting worse until it is like she is going down hill on a bike with her feet off the petals. Last year she actually was in the hosital on a psych hold and spent several months in jail following her 4th DUI. If you every need to vent feel free to PM me:)

Post # 11
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

She has to hit rock bottom….and sadly its not a complete guarantee. Death or jail like Dr.Drew says.

Be as supportive as you can be without enabling her behaivor further!

Your in my thoughts and prayers, I know how difficult it is to deal with people in addiction and a life in decline.

 

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