- 7 years ago
i am not a newbee. Just keeping it annon. Thanks
So we are suposed to be getting married in 2 months. And i just dont know what to do anymore.
SO is an alcoholic. A functioning one. Yet still an alcoholic.
I hate it! he changes. He slurs his words, he does dumb shit! says stupider shit. Craps on and on and on about nothing. He doesnt hit me or do anything like that. But i hate him when he drinks. Just because he has chosen to have another drink.
He goes through phases of how much he drinks and he tells himself he doesnt drink that much. We spoke about it today, he buys three bottles of vodka each week. which is over 100 standard drinks!!! WTF!! he trys to sneak drinks by doing it quietly. I can hear him. I could be doing anything, but my ears are tuned for the sound of that bottle opening.
Everybody in my family knows, but i dont speak about it and neither do they. I dont want their pity. I chose this life. But i seriouly hate him when he drinks. I hate that others at his work get him all day with him being sober and i get the drunk him.
I have been crying over this all day. He was drunk by 2pm.. because i was in the shower. he had a drink.. and its not just one drink. and by no means is it a standard drink.
Im sorry this is all over the place. i just cant get my head right.
I told him today that we should postpone the wedding. That i didnt want to be in a relationship while he wasnt getting help. or that he didnt want to get help. Because im not sure if he really does want to get help. Ive asked him to before and he says he wants to do it by himself. he doesnt want any outside help. anyways he didnt say much. Just that ive been looking for an excuse to leave. I just said i didnt need an excuse to leave, if i wanted to leave i would have. he does that but. changes things around so i am the bad guy. im not perfect by any means but i cant live with someone who choses death over life. who choses to live in a drunken haze.
I dont know what to do. or where to start. I do love him. with every part of my being. but i dont think i should stay. and that is the hard part. how can i leave someone who needs help. What if that was me. and he abandond me. arghhhh.. i just dont know where to go from here. I wrote him a letter telling him how i felt but he only took in the parts that he wanted to.
Its getting so bad lately that we are so distant. We havent had sex since november. and i would take a guess that last year we had sex all of 10 times. (i know its not all about sex, but its not just that) He doesnt talk to me about us. he changes the subjct. He pushes me away when i go to kiss him. I just dont want this life with him. I want what we had. what he promised me.
I am so angry and upset right now.